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"Lost" Diary -- Not in Portland

2/8/2007 1:46 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF

Daniel from TMZ here, welcome back to the "Lost" Diary. Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss "Lost?"

Flashback to Tuesday afternoon, 2:00 PM. My co-worker, Evan, asked me, "Do you know what happens in 24 hours?" "No," I said. "It'll be eight hours until 'Lost.'"

"Lost" is back, baby!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way.

I'm gathered tonight with Ari (our host), Lauren (the "Lost" Nazi), and Matt (no clever title). Let's roll:

10:00 -- We open with Juliet crying on the beach. Lauren immediately says, "I don't want to see a backstory on this bitch." Nice. Juliet then heads into one of the bunkers, passing Ethan in the hall, to check on a patient (played by Robin Weigert from "Deadwood"). I am guessing she has that strange island illness.



10:02 -- "Are you saying that because you don't think it's going to work, or because you're afraid he'll find out." -- Juliet's sister, Rachel. "He" is probably Henry Gale.

Note: a few "Lost" rules:

1. I always call Ben by his "real" name: Henry Gale. It just sounds cooler.
2. Juliet is evil. Evil, evil, evil.
3. The day after the episode where Charlie dies, party at my house.

10:03 -- Whoa, they're not on the island at all -- it's Miami. I already love this episode.

10:04 -- Back to the present, and Jack is yelling at Kate again. Run!!! Sawyer and Kate hand out a little ass-beating before they leave. Seems only fair.

10:05 -- It's Jack vs. Juliet in the operating room, and she is already acting like the evil woman I know she is. "If you have to, kill them!" she says.

10:07 -- The difference between past Juliet and present Juliet? Past Juliet has terrible hair. And somehow she looks older; like a cross between Bonnie Raitt and Kyra Sedgwick.

10:08 -- Her last name is Burke, she steals drugs, and she used to be married to the bad guy from season one of "24."

10:10 -- Jack just told Mr. Friendly about how Juliet asked him to kill Henry Gale. Nice play. I liked Mr. Friendly better when he had the fake beard.

10:12 -- A gunfight has broken out between the Others and Kate and Sawyer. "Lost" isn't really a gunfight kind of show.

10:13 -- Sawyer just ran out of bullets, which is good. I hate when movies and television shows have guys just firing shots and never having to reload -- that's not realistic. Of course, this show has a black smoke monster, and that's not realistic either. I digress.

10:14 -- Alex saves the day with her trusty slingshot, drawing laughs from the room. Dennis the Menace would be proud.

10:15 -- Henry Gale is awake, barely, and he spoke two very simple sentences, and yet completely freaked the hell out of me. Who's better than Henry Gale? Is it wrong that I am rooting for him?

10:18 -- Whatever Juliet is doing with her sister, her ex is on to it. What is she doing exactly? That is the question.

10:20 -- The fact that Ben is awake seems to have put the fear of God in Juliet. Worth noting.

10:22 -- OK, seriously, Henry Gale is strapped down to a table, in the middle of a spinal surgery and apparently 40 minutes from death, and I am still scared every time he comes on screen. "One gentleman to another," he tells Jack. Ahhhh!!!!! He scares the HELL out of me.

10:23 -- What are Henry and Juliet talking about? Watching them talk, without being able to hear what they are saying, is incredibly creepy. And it's really only this creepy because it's them.

10:24 -- "I'm Tom, by the way." -- Mr. Friendly. Great line. "They've got history," he says. I'd love to know what he means by that.

10:25 -- So Juliet is going to help Sawyer and Kate escape. Should be interesting.

10:28 -- Juliet is being wooed for some kind of job in Portland. And apparently she can impregnate male mice. We all have talents.

10:30 -- Juliet just discovered Alex is helping Sawyer and Kate escape. This might not end well for Alex.

10:31 -- Random celeb cameo alert!!! It's Rob McElhenney from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" as an Other.

10:32 -- Alex's dad is alive and it's Henry Gale. Wait, I am confused. Danielle was the one who caught Henry Gale in her trap last season. Shouldn't she have recognized him if he's the father of her child? Unless Alex only thinks Henry is her dad.

10:33 -- Sawyer called it the "Wookie Prisoner Trick." Ha!

10:34 -- Poor Karl is undergoing some weird torture. One of the screens read: "God loves you as He loved Jacob." The Others have mentioned a "Jacob" before. Coincidence?

10:40 -- Apparently Juliet got her sister pregnant through some kind of shot. She did tell Jack she was a fertility doctor, so I guess that makes sense.

10:41 -- I'm sorry, what just happened? Did Juliet's ex just get hit by a bus?

10:42 -- And now Jack is about to kill Henry, this time by accident. If Henry dies, so help me God...

10:43 -- Sawyer vs Pickett. Time for the main event.

10:44 -- Or not. Told you, Juliet is evil.

10:47 -- Juliet won't let Alex leave the island. "We both know your father," Juliet says. That line sounded like it could have been pulled straight from "According to Jim." Except on "Lost" it's much creepier.

10:49 -- Kate tells Jack "the fear story" just as Jack saves Henry. Fantastic scene.

10:52 -- The tone of the episode is slowing down so much, you know they are just going to hit you over the head with something crazy very shortly.

10:54 -- Jack is looking down at Henry Gale and tells Juliet that the tumor is gone. Jack wants to know what Henry said to her in that scene from before. Yeah, you and about 16 million people.

10:55 -- It's Ethan again. OH MY GOD!!!! How did I not see this coming??! Juliet said to the Portland guy, "Hey I wish my ex would get hit by a bus" and then HE GOT RUN OVER BY A BUS!!! How could I have missed that????!!!

10:56 -- Juliet just figured it out. And Mr. Alpert knows about Juliet's sister being pregnant.

10:57 -- "Actually, we're not quite in Portland." -- Best. Line. Ever. Welcome to the Hanso Foundation.

10:58 -- So, Ben told Juliet that if she helped him live, Ben would let her go home. Apparently, however bad ass Juliet is, she doesn't have the power to get off the island and doesn't want to be there either.

As always, I like to recap by asking, "What did we learn?" Here we go...

While Henry says he's been on the island his whole life, Juliet has not ... And apparently she wants out ... Alex thinks Henry is her father ... Juliet is afraid of Henry ... Juliet has changed a lot since she got to the island.

When Jack was asking about what Henry said to Juliet, he said, "After all I have been through, you owe me." Lauren quipped, "That's how I feel about the producers of the show." Sums up the opinion of most "Lost" viewers quite well I think.

I don't think tonight's episode was what a lot of people were looking for, but I loved it. I give the episode a solid B -- I enjoyed Juliet's flashbacks, I am glad at least Sawyer and Kate are off the island, and I am really looking forward to Juliet vs. Henry now that he's out of surgery. Plus, Charlie wasn't in it, so that's always good.

And now I leave the rest of the column to you and your comments. I always read them and usually use a few of them to kick off the next week's diary. So here's my question to you this week: If you could have next week's episode answer one "Lost" mystery, which would it be?

See you next week.

98 COMMENTS

No Avatar
31.

Jensen    

Question... So Jack is Dr. Shepherd, and Julia is Dr. Burke... UM..... Grey's Anatomy anyone?

2723 days ago
32.

Rachelle    

I guess I don't understand why people read this diary if they don't like Lost. I also don't understand why they then go on to read all the comments and then post one themselves.
If you don't like it...don't watch it. If you think we're a bunch of losers for watching then don't read our comments.

2723 days ago
33.

Carlin    

May question is when do we get to see Sayid with his shirt off again?????? Sayid is the reason I watch Lost !!!!!!

2723 days ago
34.

john    

I would like to know when the last show will air. This is one of the worst shows ever to be on TV.

2723 days ago
35.

JG    

I thought this episode was a yawner. It did nothing for me or any of my friends who watched it. We actually fast-forwarded (thank you DVR) through all of the time filler (the running through jungles, the overwrought long glances, etc) I am *so* tired of the whole Kate/Jack/Sawyer thing.. and Kate, ungh, stop the whining. We're going to give it a couple more episodes, but if this lame, drawn out story line continues, it's getting the boot from our Wednesday night viewing line up.

2723 days ago
36.

yabadabadooo    

BTW, Asian girl got pregnant before she got on the plane by her lover!!!!!! They only been on the island a few weeks or months?

2723 days ago
37.

Victoria    

Promises but no explanations. I didn't learn anything useful. Same questions - no answers. Ripped off and lost.

2723 days ago
38.

tanya    

If I am correct...Ted is supposed to be alex's dad.
They showed an episode before where I beleive she called him dad.In it they were seperating her from the carl guy....i think...

2723 days ago
39.

Cheryl    

If the others are located on an island two miles off and you can see the island that the losties are on. Why haven't the losties seen that there was another island close by theirs? They have traveled around the island. And if you told a potential employer that you told that you couldn't work for them and that it was because your ex would not allow it. You wished they would get hit by a bus. The next the you know your ex is hit by the bus, you're in the morgue and the potential employer and his buddy show up trying to still get you to accept the job....um. RUN

2723 days ago
40.

scott    

You didn't recognize Mr. Alpert being played by Nestor Carbonell...of sitcom 'Suddely Susan' fame...? I think Brooke Shields will be the next Other....

2723 days ago
41.

Julie    

I fell in love with Lost the first season because it was a unique program about a group a diverse characters and their struggle to survive on an uninhabited island, except for the crazy French woman. I came to love these characters and learning about their life before the plane crash.

The second season we find that the Losties don't have to struggle much to survive and the island reallly isn't unihabited.
With the discovery of the hatch they get to live it up in comfort with an unlimited supply of food that replenishes itself with a delivery from the sky when the supply starts running low, they have access to a shower, washer & dryer, and records. The Losties find that they really aren't alone with the discovery of Desmond in the hatch, the appearence of the Talies and the Others. So much for stories about the struggle to survive and the characters we grew to love in the first season. With the ever increasing population on the island we see less and less of our beloved characters from the first season.

The comes season three. For some reason someone or a group of someones, whether it be the writers, producers, or ABC forget about the other characters and turn lost into the Jack, Sawyer, and Kate have a love triangle and sex in a cage show. Whoever did this and destroyed Lost has a very warped sence of reality. That is not the reason I fell in love with Lost the fist season and if I wanted to watch that crap I would watch a porno movie. Then they thow in alll of these numerous other new characters who are part of the Others and focus of them.
Where is Locke? Where is Sayid? Where are Sun & Jin? Where are Charlie & Claire? Where are Michael & Walt? Where is Hurley? Where is Vincent? I want to watch stories about all of these characters and only these characters!!!!!

Lost has damaged itself beyond repair. The original concept of the show should not have been altered. The only possible way that the damage to Lost could possible be fixed is if they did an "ala Dallas" and one of the characters woke up from a bad night mare and realised that the Hatch, Desmond, the Talies, and the Others were just a bad dream and that the Losties were still struggling to survive on an uninhabited island except for the crazy French woman.

2723 days ago
42.

SVH    

You forgot to mention an important clue! Jack askes Tom "If you can get off the island, why didn't you just take Ben to a medical facility?" (or something along those lines). Tom begins to answer "Ever since the sky turned PURPLE..." and then they were interupted. What that means..I have no idea. But I thought it was interesting.

2723 days ago
43.

Gerald    

Lost "Jumped the Shark" this season!!!!!!!!

2723 days ago
44.

is this for real??    

AMEN GERALD!! I think the producers and writers have gotten the story lines and plots so mixed up, so convoluted, so screwed up, that even THEY don't know which way is up. I think they aren't giving us answers because THEY don't know the answers!! It's driving me crazy. The Others and that entire story line are driving me CRAZY. They should have stuck with the basic character development, and answered all of our questions about each character before they ever dived in to all of this crap. I can barely even remember basic details about some of the original cast, and frankly...I'm beginning to not even care!

2723 days ago
45.

sarah    

i wanna know what the whole Hatch circuit is. with cameras watching all sorts of activites, each one saying the other is just a psycological experiment, where does the cycle end? i know people want to believe its a dead end, but i feel like there is more to that, otherwise how would people on the mainland (Mr. Alpert) be able to keep up with The Others (remember Ben has been there his whole life with "the project" while Juliet was recruited)?

also, what is the real reason for all the kids? its something easy to speculate, but from watching this show for so long, speculations usually are proven wrong.

2723 days ago
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