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"Lost" Diary -- 3/29

3/29/2007 3:12 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Hey, it's Daniel from TMZ here, back with another edition of the "Lost" Diary.

Not sure how many sports fans we have here on TMZ, but let me make an analogy for you. After two amazing episodes of "Lost," I have been walking around as if my favorite team just won the championship. I've got a permanent smile on my face, I talk trash to people who don't watch the show -- I am even close to getting a jersey with the numbers "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42" written on the back. My show is the best and I know it! Bring on all challengers!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. This week it's just me and Ari, so I'll have to imagine what Lauren would say every time Sawyer comes on screen. Let's roll:

10:00 -- Starting off right in the thick of it, Nikki is frantically burying something. If I am going to have to watch a whole episode of Nikki and Paulo, it better be good.

10:01 -- Ok, Nikki as a stripper is a step in the right direction. You never realize how attractive someone is when you spend all your time wishing they never existed.



10:02 -- We just watched a scene from the worst television show ever, "Exposé." But I guess if Nikki were in a bikini each week, I might tune in.

10:03 -- But any sexiness she had just went out the window when she kissed that old guy. That's probably what Anna Nicole and that Howard Marshall guy were like.

10:04 -- I'll let my good friend Hurley describe what just happened: "Dude, Nikki's dead."

10:07 -- It's 84 days ago, and Paulo is Nikki's boyfriend's chef. It's funny that Nikki's grandpa -- I mean boyfriend -- says he is the Wolfgang Puck of Brazil, since Rodrigo Santoro (who plays Paulo) is referred to as "the Brazilian Tom Cruise." Which is weird, because even Tom Cruise doesn't suck this bad.

10:08 -- Uh oh, looks like Gramps won't make it. And Nikki and Paulo don't look that shocked ...

10:09 -- ... because they killed him to get whatever was in his safe. Razzle-frickin-dazzle. So far if I could grade the writing of this episode, it would be an F.

10:10 -- Sun, Charlie, Sawyer and Hurley are turning into the gang from "Scooby-Doo." Did Nikki say "Paulo lies" as her dying words? Couldn't tell.

10:11 -- Watching Nikki and Paulo in the airport, I am trying really hard not to hate them, but I can't. And do you know why?

10:12 -- Because I would sooooo prefer Shannon and Boone! Good to see them back, even if it is just in a flashback. By the way, when the producers of "Lost" called the reps for Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder to ask them to come back, how fast do you think they said "yes"? Five seconds? Ten seconds?

10:13 -- Ok, now we're getting flashbacks from the pilot, only Nikki and Paulo are now mixed in. This is like watching "Back to the Future II" and seeing scenes we already saw before, just from a different angle.

10:14 -- Hey it's Artz! Dude, you've got some Artz on you!

10:15 -- And now Paulo is dead too. While I am kind of happy that Nikki and Paulo are dead, I kind of hope the rest of this episode does something to explain why they were even introduced on the show in the first place.

10:17 -- The Lost Detective Agency is working "The Case of the Dead Cast Members Nobody Liked."

10:18 -- It's 75 days ago now, and Ethan is milling around the camp and Jack is giving an inspirational speech. Ah, the good ol' days.

10:21 -- It's 57 days ago and Nikki is breaking out "the girls" to get Artz to help her find the missing bag and whatever she stole from Gramps.

10:22 -- Paulo made the mistake of throwing the fact that Nikki slept with Gramps in her face. If there is one thing you never do, it's remind your girlfriend she had to sleep with an old guy -- that you later poisoned -- in order to get close enough to steal from him. They don't like that.

10:23 -- Nikki and Paulo found the plane that Boone died in ... and the Pearl hatch. Man, if only someone had actually talked to these people for the first month or so on the island, then they might have actually learned something.

10:24 -- The Lost Detective Agency is still on the case. While Hurley goes on about "Exposé," Sawyer finds a walkie-talkie belonging to the Others. Well maybe there is hope for this episode yet.

10:29 -- It's now 48 days ago, and Kate is explaining to Shannon and Artz where they found the suitcase of guns -- which Nikki hopes will lead to the missing case. We're at the halfway point of the episode and I have to admit that I am not feeling this at all.

10:30 -- Nikki is trying to get Paulo to dive into the water to look for the case. She's not exactly the most likable woman I ever met.

10:31 -- Paulo finds the missing case (of course) but lies about it (of course). Whatever is in that case better have a Dharma logo or the numbers on it or something.

10:32 -- While the group is talking about Nikki and Paulo, Sun mentions the time the Others kidnapped her -- only it was really Charlie. And based on the guilty looks of Charlie and Sawyer -- and the fact that we saw Sun punch Sawyer in the promos -- I'd say she's going to learn it was them before we're done here. (Note: I know, I know; I said I wasn't going to watch promos anymore. But I didn't even watch this one. People told me about it.)

10:33 -- It's now 32 days ago and Paulo is chomping away at nicotine gum and trying to bury the mystery doll in the sand, but Locke catches him. Locke is his early season two, jovial self. Miss that guy.

10:34 -- So Paulo decides to hide the mystery item back at the Pearl station. Ari remembers that Paulo snuck into the bathroom of the Pearl when he was there later on, presumably to fetch what he just hid. How did he remember that?

10:35 -- But before Paulo can leave, Juliet and Henry Gale show up, talking about how they are going to get Jack to perform the surgery.

10:36 -- "Same way I get anyone to do anything. I find out what he's emotionally invested in and then I exploit it." -- Henry Gale. He was on screen for like a minute and he was better than everyone else in this episode combined. Long live Henry Gale! Oh, and now we know how Paulo found the walkie-talkie, so there won't be any cool reveal about that. You hear that noise? That's the sound of this episode sucking.

10:37 -- So Nikki and Sawyer were arguing earlier? Interesting.

10:41 -- The Lost Detective Agency is hard on the case, with Hurley pointing fingers at Sawyer. Meanwhile, now it's just Sun and Charlie by the grave site. Wonder if he'll confess now ...

10:42 -- Yeah, that was kind of easy. I don't know why Charlie confessed. Bad Idea Jeans.

10:43 -- We're up to nine days ago and we're seeing the scene where Nikki and Paulo go to the Pearl. Nothing we really haven't see before, except for Paulo retrieving the pouch.

10:44 -- Sawyer is back from "sweeping the perimeter" and the Lost Detective Agency is ready to confront him. I am half expecting them to pull back his mask and reveal he's really Henry Gale in disguise! If it wasn't for you meddling kids!

10:45 -- But it's not that interesting. Nikki was just hiding diamonds. Boring.

10:49 -- Nikki and Paulo have a sappy talk on the beach, until Nikki realizes he's lying. Still not sure how this leads to them both dying.

10:50 -- Nikki asks Sawyer for a gun, doesn't get it. Knew that.

10:51 -- Sawyer doesn't have a shirt on. Hang on for a sec while I try and channel my inner Lauren. Here goes, "I want to lick the television." How'd I do?

10:52 -- Sun confronts Sawyer about the kidnapping. When Sawyers asks Sun why she isn't going to tell Jin, she says, "Because then we'd have to dig another grave." Very true. She gives him back the diamonds and slaps him on the face. Seems like Sawyer got off easy.

10:53 -- When I die, I only want two things: 1) Prince to sing at my funeral and 2) Hurley to give my eulogy. "Um, Daniel worked for TMZ. And he wrote about this show called 'Lost.' And he was cool. And he was nice to me. And he was funny. And ..."

10:54 -- Is Sawyer really burying the diamonds with Nikki and Paulo? Come on, that's just stupid.

10:55 -- Alright, it's eight hours ago -- time to learn how Nikki and Paulo died. Ari has it figured out before it happens -- Nikki uses Artz's spider.

10:56 -- "One bite from the spider will paralyze you for about eight hours." -- Nikki. Wait a sec: didn't the graphic say this was happening eight hours ago? Oh my lord, Nikki and Paulo aren't dead!!! They are just paralyzed and Hurley and company buried them alive!!!

10:57 -- Yup, the pheromones from the female spider has attracted the male spiders and Nikki is a goner too. Have I been watching "Lost" this whole time or "The Twilight Zone"?

10:58 -- Nikki's last words were actually "para ... lyzed" and not "Paulo lies." Oops.

10:59 -- Nikki opens her eyes just as she's being buried alive.

11:00 -- Seriously, what show did I just watch?

So what did we learn? Nikki and Paulo were con artists who stole diamonds from some rich guy ... their greed was so strong, it killed both of them.

Man, this was an amazing episode ... of "Tales from the Crypt." Seriously, I feel like my show just got kidnapped by the Cryptkeeper. When does the real episode of "Lost" air this week? Is it on next? Please?

This week's show was a complete waste of time. I wanted Nikki and Paulo to die, but a whole episode for that? They should have just put a graphic up at the beginning of the show that said: "We were wrong, you were right. Nikki and Paulo sucked. Let's never mention them again." Then they could have done a completely different episode and I could have saved an hour of my life. While we can all appreciate the fact that Nikki and Paulo are dead, it was so anticlimactic that I have no clue why they were even on the show in the first place. Something tells me we haven't heard the last from them.

Now we've reached the point where I give the episode a grade, only this time I'm not. I am giving this week's show an Incomplete. I really don't see the purpose of this episode at all. So, I am hoping that in some way, at some point down the road, it will be revealed.

Here's my question to you this week: Over the last several weeks, we have seen "Lost" at its best and its worst. Can you pinpoint one thing that makes for a good episode of "Lost?" I'll give you my answer next week.

169 COMMENTS

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76.

sarah    

actually, i would call this episode the opposite of anticlimactic. it was whack all the way til the end when they "died". loved the ending. it made the entire episode that much less sucky. i'll give it a 'C'.

i think this is what makes a good Lost episode though. the buildup, the unexpected, and the slap in the face. the occasional joke helps to move the plot along, but i love it when you make guesses throughout the entire show only to be left at the end with a twist and a cliffhanger.

2733 days ago
77.

Julie    

OK episode. The best part was the supposed demise of Paulo & Nikki. Also enjoyed seeing Artz again. The worst part of the episode was the return of the whining Shannon and the IQ challanged Boone. I can't stand those two and hope to never have to suffer through another new episode with those two annoying characters again!!!

2733 days ago
78.

janine    

c'mon, the two newbies this season that NO ONE liked got buried alive! I for one and happy as a clam and think the writers made a very wise choice. I'd say this is one of the best filler episodes i've seen in a while.

2733 days ago
79.

NS_Ga.    

I thought the show was okay but they aren't dead. the spide bite only paralizes them.

2733 days ago
80.

Erin    

Nothing on the island stays buried. Secrets or bodies. Interesting thought. one thing that stuck in my mind was Artz referring to all the new species he had discovered on the island. What if he didn't only have BUGS in the jars?

2733 days ago
81.

Sioux    

Thank you, Diamond Girl! I couldn't agree more, it was totally out of character for Sawyer (who does horde everything, even if it seems useless) to throw away the diamonds.

Let's review the up sides of this ep. shall we? Kate didn't do something else stupid...we didn't have to watch Charlie very much...we didn't have to pull out our hair in frustration over why they aren't asking the Others more questions...there was no Jack back story on "The Tatoo, part II"...Hurley giving a euglogy for people he hardly knows, worth his hefty weight in gold, dude...another look at Boone (even if we did have to listen to Shannon, who was WAY more annoying than Charlie)...the whole Hardy boys mystery gone wrong thing was pretty funny...PEOPLE BURIED ALIVE (although as an ode to Stephen King who always speaks well of Lost, they should have had the hand coming out of the ground at the end like in Carrie). If we're lucky they'll stay buried alive!

I give this Ep. a C-

2733 days ago
82.

Leah B    

I just thought of something! What if in one of the last episodes of the series, the Losties find out they can get off the island on a submarine or ship, but it need diamonds to power it? (I swear I've seen something like that before) And since Sawyer buried them, all hope would be lost!

Ok, I am getting too involved in this. I have work I should be doing. But seriously, I have a feeling that Sawyer throwing the diamonds down there is going to come back and bite them in the a**. Bye!

2733 days ago
83.

No Longer A Lost Fan    

Of all the people on the Island I would bury alive, those two came in first. Now can we bury Sawyer and Kate alive? After them, I have others to suggest. I think we need to junk the whole thing and start over. It's rapidly turning into the third season of "Star Trek." You know, the season after they wanted to cancel it?

Have you noticed that not one single woman on this entire Island has any redeeming social value at all? Either they're criminal whores, they're garden variety whores, or they're Excess Baggage (Claire), the kind who are there only to be hit over the head and captured. Do you think the Frat Boys have a hard time getting dates, or what? Now and then the menfolk show human touches, and even the most disgusting of the lot (Sawyer for example) have at least the humanizing need for glasses ... but not one of the women does anything heroic, or kind, or helpful, or even nice. What are the odds of getting an entire plane load of people in which ALL the women are criminal sluts?

2733 days ago
84.

Greegan    

I wasn't on the edge of my seat either. So I didn't like it either.
With that said, I can understand why they would use some no-names to fill in some gaps.
The rest of the story for the season may depend on things we learned here, for example:
1. Sawyer not caring about diamonds = bad guy turned good guy or just has no hope of getting off the island and sees no point in keeping something this valuable, off the island.
2. The walkie talkie... this could lead to Sawyer overhearing the Others planning something either with Kate or Jack or Locke ... or maybe something else.
3. The spiders may reappear later on and help the crew get the Others. Maybe let the spiders loose on the Others and paralyze them all while the ... What do we call our cast of characters anyways? The "passengers", "survivors", "castaways"?... get in the sub,,, okay maybe not the sub, maybe a boat? hmmm well something, and get on their way home...

eh, just my two diamo... uh i mean cents worth.

2733 days ago
85.

Jewels    

In answer to poster #106 question, "why isn't Jin showing." Ahh, unless things work differently on the Lost island, men (Jin) can't get pregnant!!!!

2733 days ago
86.

frank    

Are you kidding? Worst "Lost" yet... Show just keeps losing ground as Prison break keeps getting better... Who cares about these characters and who the hell were they? What a waste. It6's as if they forgot that you actually have to pay the audience off eventually, you cant just keep stringing us along....Adding new characters? what a joke.. I'm over it!!!

2733 days ago
87.

Miss Smith    

NOTHING STAYS BURIED ....

Thank God other people remembered that line - I was going crazy reading the first pages where everyone acts like nothing was revealed. They are obviously setting something up ...

And, as other people said on here, there were other interesting things revealed on this ep:

How the Other moved freely between stations or on the island (when we see them in the Pearl Station)
That recently Henry Gale and Juliette were on at least amicable terms
That Henry Gale used old fashioned techniques (emotional manipulation) to accomplish things. ( He may still have some sort of mystical power, but he does have to resort to "human" methods)
That there are new species on the island - we might see some other weird creatures later (ok not as juicy but still something)

Plus, I like seeing old scenes from new perspectives. I would give it a B, maybe a B-.

I love your commentary but you are almost piegon-holing Lost! If we had it your way every secret would be revealed in the next episode!

2733 days ago
88.

Justin    

What would have been a better episode of LOST: Hurly driving around in circles in the Little Miss Sunshine Bus.

What makes a good episode of LOST: Including some frigging charcters that are actually efing invloved in the storyline somewhat.

2733 days ago
89.

Jewels    

Nikki & Paul, Shannon & Boone. I don't which pair are worse!!! An episode with all four of them was too much!!! All four are terrible characters and terrible actors. This was a F- episode for sure!!!!

2733 days ago
90.

dimps    

can't wait to see Kate kick Juliets ars!!

2733 days ago
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