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This Week's Biggest Losers 05/26/05

5/26/2007 4:02 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Lindsay Lohan's mom insists she never told Star Magazine that her nickname is "The White Oprah," a moniker born of her willingness to listen to her friends' problems. And Oprah's dad has denied reports he is writing a tell-all book. But not everyone this week got off so lucky.


Anne HecheAnne Heche
: She does girl-on-girl, she does guy-on-girl. Heck, she can even talk dirty in an alien language if that's your thing. But apparently, none of this was enough to satisfy 34-year-old hubby Coleman "Coley" Laffoon, who Anne claimed has spent a great deal of their marriage surfing the Internet for porn. It's all part of Hollywood's latest nasty divorce battle, with custody of five-year-old son Homer hanging in the balance. The title of Heche's 2001 autobiography is "Call Me Crazy," and that's just what Laffoon has been doing, criticizing her parenting skills in his court filings. Meanwhile, Heche's Christian mom once claimed to have cured her daughter's lesbianism through prayer -- so maybe she can dial up the Big Guy again to ensure Laffoon gets nowhere near the $45,000 a month he is asking from the "Men in Trees" wackadoodle.

Elisabeth HasselbeckElisabeth Hasselbeck: Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Six years after slogging through "Survivor: The Australian Outback," this gal made the mistake of trying to outwit, outplay and outlast Rosie O'Donnell, a fearsome member of the Bloggablogga Tribe. Their big Wednesday blowout over the Iraq war quickly led Ro to pull the plug on her remaining time on Babs Island, which makes Monday's pre-taped episode of "The View" her last. So ... not only did Elisabeth drive away her 'Sheryl-Have-You-Seen-My-Ass?' colleague, she also inspired Rosie's sworn enemy, The Donald, to give O'Donnell a thumbs-up for her anti-war stance. Guess that scuttles any possibility of Trump, as he and we also once suggested, replacing Rosie as the resident loudmouth on "The View."



Brittany Murphy Brittany Murphy: This squeaky-voiced actress has marriage split troubles of an entirely different nature. Just a month after getting hitched to British film director Simon Monjack, word is that she may not have much of a future with him on this side of the pond. After spending nine days in jail because of an expired visa, Monjack is scheduled for a July hearing with US Immigration & Customs Enforcement -- at which point he may well be sent packing. Luckily, the locations chosen for Monjack's next film, "The White Hotel," in which Brittany is slated to star as an opera singer treated in Vienna by Sigmund Freud, are in Italy, Latvia and the Czech Republic. But Brittany might need an escort for the Hollywood premiere.



Joaquin Phoenix, Eva Mendez Joaquin Phoenix, Eva Mendes: This lovely Cannes couple, together on the French Riviera to promote the upcoming New York Russian mob flick, "We Own the Night," were apparently having a little too much fun in the land of the mighty Euro. In an interview broadcast Friday on the UK breakfast show "GMTV," they admitted they were "still drunk" from the obligatory partying. Then, in his best bottomed-out, Man in Black tones, Joaquin muddied the matter further by telling co-host Kate Galloway that he had "slept at 11:30, [gotten] up at 4:30, up at 5:30, up at 6:30 and then finally at 7:30." And these were the parts of the interview that were comprehensible.



Katie Holmes: On the one hand, it's probably a nice break for Mrs. Tom Cruise this weekend to not have to consult lawyers and/or friends/handlers about the latest Scientology brainwash rumor. On the other, it really is still a crappy holiday when a virginal porn star has announced that she plans to adopt the screen name "Katee Holmes" for her cherry-popping debut, "True Diary: I'm a Virgin." This lass' manager, no rookie himself when it comes to the funky name dept. (he bills himself as Shy Love), insisted that his client is "using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed innocence in whatever she has done." At least the folks at Shane's World, producers of the film, didn't call the movie "Dawson's Crack."
43 COMMENTS

No Avatar
31.

Jilly    

Rosie is the loser. She is taking the cowardly way out by quitting work 3 weeks early. She called Elisabeth cowardly...I call BS. Good riddance Ro. You deserve no respect. I don't have to listen to your Democratic crap anymore.

2615 days ago
32.

Kass    

Thank goodness Rosie is gone. The woman has deep emotional/mental problems to say the least. Elizabeth...You go girl. You speak for many woman like myself and you do it well.

2615 days ago
33.

trishthedish    

Actually, WE are probably the losers...wasting our precious time reading and writing about these LOSERS!!! Shame on us.....don't we have anthing better to do with our time?

2615 days ago
34.

Izzy    

Wow, Sunshine,

You really showed the true color of liberals that stand up for Rosie. WISHING FOR A MISCARRIAGE IS A TYPICAL FAR LEFT LIBERAL REMARK. FAR LEFT LIBERALS ARE FILLED W/ SO MUCH ANGER (JUST LIKE ROSIE). Wishing for the death of an innocent child is absolutely disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeh, and if the war was a fraud, then why did France, Germany, and Russia, and many other countries that aren't are friends, all think that that Iraq had WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION????? ALSO, BILL CLINTON ALSO BELIEVED THERE WAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AND HAD COMMENTED THAT FORCE MAY BE NECESSARY TO REMOVE SUDDAM??????? Granted, the way this war was waged was a mistake, however, this war was not a fraud.

STAY OFF THE FAR LEFT WEBSITES SUNSHINE AND GET A BRAIN AND COME UP W/ SOME OF YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND GET EDUCATED ABOUT HISTORY.

2615 days ago
35.

Movie Ticket Buyer    

I suppose they don't watch porn on tv on Anne's home planet....nanu nanu....what a loser this psycho is....she should be hangin with Angelia Jolie from another planet too

2615 days ago
36.

SinCity    

Heche and Laffoon are a perfect match, they should stay together. And you can include the mother-in-law along with them.

2615 days ago
37.

juju    

ANN H., CAN YOU SAY, "I AM A PSYCHO BITCH FROM ANOTHER PLANET NOT OF THIS UNIVERSE"!!!!!!!!!!!"

2615 days ago
38.

juju    

POOR ELIZABETH H. I FEEL SORRY FOR HER AFTER THE ROSIE BASH, BUT I STILL LOVE ROSIE EVEN WITH HER BIG MOUTH AND WOULD NOT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. GO RO

2615 days ago
39.

recovery101Fan    

take a magnet to the computer and shuffle all the files up. hahaha

2615 days ago
40.

drdisaia    

This is divorce 101: exaggerated claims department probably on both sides.

Then again if they are not happy in the bedroom a little web surfing is kinda expected.

2614 days ago
41.

Chuck    

I just saw how much Ann Heche makes per episode on her little watched show. OMG, what a waste of money! I guess I should become a lesbian so I can garner some attention for myself, then take a bunch of drugs, go to Fresno, cause a media storm by pretending to be an alien, find a cute guy (to use as a sperm donor), make him a house husband to care for baby while I travel, then trash him all over the place when he wont do what I want. Sheesh, how did so many trash ass people with no talent end up with fame and fortune? It makes no sense!

2614 days ago
42.

Kelly Neuman    

Look like an older Britney Spears.

2614 days ago
43.

Meseret Hailu    

I respect her bravery and I think I would enjoy her bagina.

1426 days ago
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