FROM: American Express
TO: President Barack Obama
SUBJECT: Bailout money
We are humbled to ask for immediate financial help. Courtney Love is driving us the way of Chrysler and G.M. She has three American Express credit cards and will not pay the balance on any of them.
Centurion Card Account: Ms. Love owes $279,079.68
Gold Card Account: Ms. Love owes $69,245.56
Platinum Card Account: Ms. Deadbeat owes $3,734.43.
We have been forced to file a lawsuit yesterday in L.A. Federal Court, asking for $352,659.67, plus a bunch of costs. We don't think she'll pay up, so dude, we need your help.