Letterman Monologue -- Burned in 60 Seconds

10/5/2009 7:20 PM PDT
Walking out to more applause than usual, David Letterman opened tonight's "Late Show" by taking three shots at himself in less than a minute!

Among the zingers, Dave told the audience, "I got into the car this morning and the navigation lady wasn't speaking to me."

Things take a more serious turn later in the monologue -- where Dave reportedly apologizes to his wife for his affairs. CBS is keeping that part under wraps until tonight.