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Letterman Internship -- 'No One Here Bites'

10/14/2009 2:30 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

When David Letterman's company drew up the rules and regs for interns, who knew a double entendre of epic proportions would eventually surface?

TMZ has obtained the "Late Show" Intern Packet from 2002. In the "Welcome" packet, Worldwide Pants explains, "Things might seem overwhelming at first. There are many names, faces and departments you'll need to know. If you get confused, ask questions, no one here bites."

" one here bites."

And this is a little cheesy: "LATE SHOW t-shirts, sweatshirts and caps are not easily accessible. Please don't assume that because you are part of the show, you are entitled to them. Things will come to you in time; be patient."

By the way, in 2002, Stephanie Birkitt was already Dave's assistant.


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FIRST.....i think.

1842 days ago



1842 days ago


SINCE WHEN KETTLE of phish did TMZ THINK at all?.It`s the standard FN DEAL MAN find~UM FM forget them BIG PHISH teas little dish OR now adays pea NUTT`s butter HO.SELLS SELL SELLS in a sea shell dwn by the sea shore.

1842 days ago

A fan    

Speaking of old pervs...

1842 days ago


Sounds like you're the ones with the problem, TMZ.

1842 days ago

Slutty Whores Rock    

Poor sad dirty old man had to prey upon stupid young girls since on his own he couldn't get laid in a womens' prison if he was handing out paroles.
How creepy for the girls to have this saggy bag of flab giving them his O-face. That would scar anyone for life.

1842 days ago


TMZ...wanta a writer? than pay uP U PHISH this U PHISH that& flash crew GPS thermal&sound scanners H-woof KilROY`ss killed doff`um the hughes`s and CBSsonyNBC ABC studio ONENESS ripped the estate but I reproduced over 40 times by 1969.Howard Hughes`s kids and grand kids and great great grand kids live on hidden from syntronical wireless warfare(HOLLYWOOD) murder inc since 1934.PAY up OR give up a system of the dwned.H-wood over Howards GOT HIS WAY the internet he built...he won you lost!.

1842 days ago


Stephanie Birkitt (born January 7, 1975)is an assistant to David Letterman on Late Show with David Letterman. Although Birkitt was usually treated as a character named Vicki, in some of her appearances, Letterman referred to her by various other surreal nicknames such as Smitty, Kitty, Monty, Gunter, and Dutch.

Career working for CBS and Letterman After graduation from college, Birkitt's career at CBS started when she became a member of the CBS page program. She worked as an intern for CBS News, 48 Hours, and the Late Show during the spring of 1996.[1][4] She was an associate producer at 48 Hours on segments for correspondent Erin Moriarty.[4][1] Deciding she wasn't "much of a news hound," she applied for a job as an office worker for David Letterman, helping to handle his charities and his Indy car racing t
Her employment with Letterman led to Birkitt's first appearance on the Late Show, on May 24, 1996. Her next appearance came more than four years later, on December 26, 2000, when Letterman called her in her office during the show. Beginning in January 2001, Letterman began to call her regularly as an on-air feature of the show. Said Birkitt, "He started talking to me more, and we developed a rapport."
By 2002, Birkitt began to be featured on the Late Show as a character outside of her role as Letterman's assistant. She appeared during the CBS Mailbag segment numerous times, sometimes donning costumes that related to a specific ongoing festival or event. She was given a number of on-air names, including Vicki, Smitty, Kitty, Monty, Gunter, and Dutch. She interviewed Survivor castoffs, asking them "Did you see or touch any monkeys?" much to the feigned displeasure of Letterman. In 2002, she was named #21 in USA Today's "Pop Candy's 100 People of the Year!" list. As herself, she gave on-air reports from the sites of the Winter Olympics in 2002 and in 2006. In all, she made more than 250 appearances on the show between 1996 and 2008. In addition to her appearances on Late Show with David Letterman, Birkitt co-hosts The Tony Mendez Show, a spin-off program with Tony Mendez (also known as "The Cue Card Boy") that is hosted on the Late Show website.Birkitt described her relationship with Letterman in an interview with the Fort Worth Star-Telegram in 2004. In the article, titled “Letterman Aide is Dave’s Main Tease," Birkitt stated, "[Letterman is] just playful. We play catch sometimes in the office, and we all go to screenings together. We eat food together, we sit around and watch TV together and goof on people. And he teases me in real life, too, but I give it back a lot more in real life.”
Alleged David Letterman affair
On October 1, 2009, David Letterman announced on-air that he had been the victim of an extortion attempt, in which an alleged blackmailer — since identified by police as CBS television producer Joe Halderman — threatened to reveal that Letterman had engaged in sexual affairs with multiple female employees. Letterman said that the allegation was true, but did not reveal the names or any identifying information of the female employees. Soon afterward, the extortionist was identified by media as a former boyfriend of Birkitt, and anonymous sources alleged that Birkitt and Letterman had had a sexual relationship.Birkitt reportedly was not aware of, nor involved in, the blackmail attempt. According to CBS News, Birkitt and the CBS News producer Joe Halderman lived together in Halderman's Norwalk, Connecticut home until August 2009, when she reportedly moved out; she was also romantically linked to David Letterman during the same time.Copies of Birkitt's diary, as well as emails between her and Letterman, were reportedly the basis of the blackmail package allegedly placed in Letterman's car by Halderman. In a statement released on October 8, 2009, Letterman's production company Worldwide Pants announced that Birkitt had been placed on a "paid leave of absence" from the Late Show. Birkitt was born in Plymouth, New Hampshire — her mother is an assistant principal and her father is a dentist.[4] She graduated from Wake Forest University in 1997, where she majored in history and minored in communications.In 2006, her younger brother Johnny Birkitt became a field producer on ABC's Dancing With The Stars.She attended the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law and in February 2009 she passed the New York State bar exam.

1842 days ago


A viewer for a long time and found I couldn't stomach watching him now.

It's just not funny how he used his staff for his own "pleasure". He disregarded his wife, the young girls/women on his staff, disregarded his son,Harry Letterman, disregarded the embarrassment of his old Mom, Dorothy Letterman, disregarded his younger and older sisters, brought shame on his dead Father, Harry, etc.

He came to show his "true colors". He "worked" the system for decades. Bye, Bye Letterman, You Old Joke (and that's NOT a compliment).

1842 days ago


What is TMZ's fascination with Letterman's intern program? As far as I know he has not been accused of, or admitted to, having a relationship with an intern.

1842 days ago


So Letterman's production company is sweatin' people asking for sweats?

Go figure.

That's low rent. On the other hand, during the strike he paid everyone's salary. That's big.

1842 days ago

They don't bite you, just ask you to go to bed. Letterman is a creep.

1842 days ago

o rly    

Simone eats children.

1842 days ago

E. Rex Shun    

Birkett is just a high priced pro, and Letterman her john.

1842 days ago


Anything new about the real Creep Letterman Blackmailer?
Who can blames these women. Letterman is cute and sexy.

1842 days ago
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