Welcome back to another edition of The "Lost" Diary.
I IMed my old college roommate Chris on Tuesday morning to ask what he was thinking going into "Lost" tonight. "I need at least one death," he told me. I responded, "Yeah, it's been awhile … it's hard to be 'Lost' w/o killing off a few people. This isn't '30 Rock.'" Haven't had any major RIPs in a while. Are we due for one? (Ed.'s note: Yes, this was an actual conversation and yes, this was written before the episode).
For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes: I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way. I am over at Ari's place for a Lakers/"Lost" double feature. Lakers did their job, now it's time for "Lost." Let's roll ...
9:00 -- On the DVR, the first three seconds of "Lost" were the end of "Dancing With the Stars." It was the worst three seconds of "Lost" ever.
9:01 -- "I think you're a candidate." -- Jack
9:02 -- "Welcome to Hydra Island." -- Sayid. Not to be confused with Fantasy Island, Shutter Island or MILF Island.
9:03 -- Sawyer, Kate, Jin, Sun, Lawnmower Man, Claire and Hurley have been put in the bear cage "for their own good." For once, I want to do something someone's "own good." Actually, by this time next week, I will. Check back in a week.
9:07 -- Is it me or is Bernard a tad creepy?
9:10 -- Not Locke has an interesting strategy to try and get Jack to help him -- by reminding him that, if he wanted, he could easily kill everyone. Scary, true, and effective.
9:11 -- "Feels like we're running circles, back in these cages?" -- Sawyer. Yes, yes it does.
9:12 -- Another Sun/Jin reunion scene that just doesn't do anything for me. In this scene, they have about as much chemistry as me and Larry King.
9:13 -- I get super duper excited lately whenever I know the Smoke Monster is about to attack. Not sure what that says about me.
9:14 -- Do you think Jack ran alongside the Smoke Monster? Did the Smoke Monster carry him like on a magic carpet ride? Did Jack actually see Not Locke turn into the Smoke Monster? These are the things I think about.
9:19 -- The whole gang is almost back together, heading to the plane. Wonder what Desmond is up to? Is he still in that well?
9:20 -- Jack is trying to see Anthony Cooper and he runs into Helen. This seems like as good time as any to mention that Katey Segal, who is awesome in her small parts on "Lost," absolutely steals the show on "Sons of Anarchy." Highly recommend.
9:21 -- Doesn't look like ol' Anthony is doing too well.
9:22 -- Not Locke/Jason Bourne just killed two guys and now he's aboard the plane.
9:23 -- Seems the whole plane was wired with C4. Hate when that happens.
9:24 -- Not Locke wants to take the submarine now. I still don't like the submarine plan.
9:25 -- Sawyer wants Jack to get Not Locke in the water and he will "take care of the rest." This I gotta see.
9:30 -- "Push the button … I wish you had believed me." -- Locke
9:31 -- Claire is at the hospital to see Jack, and she has a music box with her.
9:32 -- "Oceanic Flight 815?" -- Jack
9:33 -- Operation Steal the Sub is underway.
9:34 -- And it's really, really easy.
9:35 -- Jack just tossed Locke into the water and Kate got shot. I am surprisingly happy about the latter.
9:36 -- Not Locke is finally out of the water and gunning down Widmore's people. Meanwhile, all the candidates are on the sub. Just saying …
9:37 -- "Trust me, you don't want to be on that sub." -- Not Locke. Ruh-roh!
9:38 -- Is that a shirt in my backpack? Nope, it's a ticking bomb.
9:39 -- "Locke … we did exactly what he wanted." -- Jack
9:43 -- Sayid is trying to play Hurt Locker with the bomb Locke left behind. Does anyone really think the bomb is going to go off and kill half the cast?
9:44 -- "We are going to be okay. You just have to trust me." -- Jack. I have done a complete 180 on Jack. He's been my favorite character of the past few weeks.
9:45 -- Let's discuss what just happened. Sawyer grabbed the wires, which did nothing but make the bomb mad. Sayid told Jack where to find Desmond, told he was the one (like Neo), then ran with the bomb, where it blew up. Here's my question -- would the bomb have gone off if Sawyer never touched it? I think not.
9:46 -- Everyone is scrambling. Hurley is helping Kate … while Jack, Jin and Sawyer are helping Sun. Um, I think I'd rather Sun right now.
9:47 -- Actually, things don't look good for anyone right now.
9:52 -- I have nothing good to say about the last five minutes.
9:56 -- Locke is being discharged from the hospital, seemingly as if nothing has changed.
9:57 -- Locke is in the wheelchair because he was in a plane crash -- he was flying, and his dad was a passenger.
9:58 -- "What happened, happened." -- Jack
9:59 -- "To finish what I started." -- Not Locke
There's a good possibility that I am completely wrong about everything I am about to write. And I fully expect everyone to hate me for this. That being said …
Sayid died. Jin died. Sun died.
Guess what? I don't care.
Not one bit.
Didn't react. Didn't say a word. Didn't blink.
Do you know why I don't care? Because "Lost" has made it impossible for me to care about what happens.
Right now we have the island, and we have the flash-sideways. I don't quite know what they have to do with each other or which one is "real."
But if I apply some kind of logic -- which is never a good idea with "Lost" -- then one of them has to prevail in the end, right? Can they both be "real"? When the show ends, Oceanic 815 either crashed or it didn't.
So that being said, that means until I know what is going on, how can I care what happens in either timeline?
When I said before the episode that I needed someone to die, I didn't realize how nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing of any actual consequence had happened on the island this season (save for maybe Juliet's death) so I didn't know how little I would care.
Sayid is dead. Jin is dead. Sun is dead. And yet, next week, when the flash-sideways kick in … they'll be alive and well.
They're dead on the island, but not off it.
So I ask you again … why should I care about what happens in either timeline?
I'm skipping the grade this week. Doesn't feel right.