TMZ

Our TV Shows

Got a Tip?

Call TMZ at (888) 847-9869 or Click Here

Letterman's

Sarcastic Apology

to Lindsay

2/16/2011 10:11 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF

David Letterman is CLEARLY bent out of shape by the Lindsay Lohan debacle ... insisting he has no one to blame but himself -- which is why he just issued the most insincere apology of all time.

0216_letterman_my_bad_BN

87 COMMENTS

No Avatar
61.

lou    

LOL, Jay, great list! The last item especially had me LMAO.

Ilovegossip, I too, thought that Dina was the worst parent of the two, but then I read sam's article about Michael. What a piece of work he is! Lindsay is almost exactly like him.

Grandma Cracker, What about Delmar? At first I thought he was Michael, until he mentioned the family trying to help Lilo behind the scenes. Clearly this isn't the case. Clearly. So my second guess is Michael Jr. as he is supposed to be the most normal in the family. And it's possible that HE is the family member working behind the scenes who tries to help Lilo. Delmar seems to genuinely concerned about Lilo.

Ali being normal person - I'm not so sure. Both Dina (Susan) and Michael (SB) are surprisingly articulate (something I'd never have guessed.) So I'd be a bit surprised if Ali were so inarticulate. You could be right. As for Cody...do you really think that a teenaged boy would bother to come to a gossip site to write obnoxious posts? Could be but seems a bit odd...but then again, so are the Lohans.

1162 days ago
62.

lou    

Grandma Cracker:

Very interesting synopsis there. I'll have to save the cast of characters for later use. At first I believed that Nicole was Ali because she seemed so darned NAIVE about Lindsay's future, but I came to think that she's Dina. Agree totally on obnoxious Susan being Dina. Totally, totally 100 percent Dina. Sitting Bull I also thought was Dina but the comment (I started typing vomment, which sounds like vomit, which kind of sums up my feeling for the Lohan clan) SB made about how Lindsay would have been BIG HUGE on Letterman and how Letterman loved her caused me to change my mind. And I haven't forgotten SB coming on here drunk last week. Sooo Daddy Lohan! I guess he's a rehab flunkie because you AREN'T sober if you're drinking "controllably." (Laughable term for alcoholics to justify keeping drinking.) There is no controllably for alcoholics, so he now knows why his life continues to be a huge mess. And Lindsay's too, with her "controlled drinking." STOP LYING TO YOURSELF, MICHAEL LOHAN!

1162 days ago
63.

Grandma Cracker    

HEY LOU, there is nothing naive about Nicole or Susan. Dina is operating on the theory that if LL is done with court and probation that she can resume her career as long as she does not drive. We have all learned recently that LL does not need to drive to get in trouble. LL is unemployable right now with this little grand theft ditty, so Nicole and Susan are just treading water. Dina will find lots of work for LL when all is past. Maybe not real cool work, but she will do magazine shoots and what not. Delmar, Chill, Jill, Gloday, they are all Dina. She makes conversation with herself and uses many names to bolster support for herself. Dina is anything but stupid. She's a master at what she does. The rock, sgtrock, puckett are all Sitting Bull when he's had A LOT to drink. Michael thinks he will win some kind of super support for LL by advertising her past works. He thinks if he says it it must be true. Dina is the realist and the mover and shaker in the family. She is doing a mondo job of keeping LL alive in the Tabloids.

1162 days ago
64.

CN    

Lou, Grandma Cracker, FUTMZ, Soereto, ilovegossip, haha, sad sad and ernie are legitimate posters. DUIna Denial and company come up with so many aliases they have me wondering if *all* the other regular posters are Lohans!

1162 days ago
65.

kickaboo    

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.” Ethel Barrymore.

Rock on, Dave.

1162 days ago
66.

Lori    

I didn't see the sarcasm. I saw him being honest about a situation where he was fooled into thinking she was going to be on. That's it.

1162 days ago
67.

Davey Boy    

To the LieLo supporters who think she'll be booked on Leno: Why would Jay book the klepto stank? Why would he?

Jay: "So Lindsay, what can you tell me about what happened in the jewelery store?"

LieLo: "Ummmm, I can't talk about it."

Jay: "OK, what about the reports that show the necklace might not be worth $1,000?"

LieLo: "Hmmmm, my lawyer says I can't talk about that."

Jay: "All right. How is your rehab going? I saw Charlie Sheen gave you some advise?"

LieLo: "Thanks for your support, Charlie.

The rest of the interview Lindsay sits in Jay's chair and paints FU on all 10 of her fingernails for her upcoming hearing.

1162 days ago
68.

lou    

CN and Grandma Cracker: Well I guess I'm the naive one here, believing that some rather deluded folk still believed in Lohan. It's completely ICKY to think that all of the posters you mention (
and possibly even more) are all Lohans but I did know an internet troll and she was a master at switching names and personalities, so there you go. Ick ick ick, or should I say instead sick, sick, sick?

Puckett is especially bizarre. As is therock. Dunno the other rock person you mention. If they are Michael when he's really drunk, double ick! Gross beyond belief. Nasty beyond belief.

What a sick, ick family. Little wonder that Lindsay is a nutcase. The entire family is beyond the bend with insanity.

And they're out of their minds if they think they can pull Lindsay out of her criminal lifestyle and back into being the huge gravy train she once was. With that hard bitten face, I can't see her getting modeling gigs for much longer.

Thanks, guys, for the lowdown! Love chatting with you!

1162 days ago
69.

mike    

Actually why get bent at Lindsay. It was someone else who called your lame show. Your show and that goober Conan's show are not funny at all. However your is better than Conan's.

1162 days ago
70.

lou    

Oh, I dunno Mike, maybe because she came off as being ungrateful and idiotic for refusing to do something that MIGHT help her dead career? Although legally she probably can't do it. Still, instead of just tweeting about it, she could have called to straighten the mess out since it WAS her daddy who booked her...but then again, calling to straighten messes out is not exactly her strong suit, now, is it?

PS: Granmda Cracker, I've saved your synopsis of the Lohan cast for future use here so I'll know when I'm talking to a Trollhan. Thanks!

1162 days ago
71.

SantaFeJack    

#14 aka Lindsay Lohan: Loved your Top Ten List; it's also about the only thing on Letterman worth watching these days. Although I just might have watched (DVR'd) a Letterman show with the real Lindsay Lohan. As "real" as she's capable of being, that is.

1162 days ago
72.

SantaFeJack    

#79..Lori. I agree; it seemed sincere to me, and I've been watching Letterman since the days of Velcro suits, and think I would recognize his sarcasm if I saw it. When he's really being sarcastic, he lays it on with a trowel.

1161 days ago
73.

Chaps    

FRESHLY STOLEN from the David Letterman Show!

The Top Ten Reasons LiLo is NOT GUILTY!

10. I didnt borrow it.. They asked me to take it on tour to parties and nightclubs!

9. I'm such an airhead, did you hear I walked out wearing their bling once before!?

8. Celebrities get free jewelry and clothes all the time - didnt they realize I'm a celebrity?

7. If they can wait a week they can wait a year, no one was buying it anyway!

6. I checked all the pawnshops is SE LA, I could get more swag there for less.

5. My Dads friend saw the EXACT SAME necklace for sale for $800 a couple weeks ago! I B-slapped him for not buying it!

4. Did ya all know that jewelry is cheaper in the back rooms of the jewelry district in downtown LA? Why shop retail! Hey they have a garment district too!

3. If the necklace isnt fit for a princess, you must acquit!

2. I would never steal anything worth over 950. Its just not worth it!

2.5. You cant believe the shark rates on 10K loans charged by my butch GFF. Not to mention the origination fee initiation!

2.25. I quit doing coke for a month, and people are still not happy?

And the number one reason she isnt guilty,

1. This is all petty BS, they are vilifying me because I am better than everyone else!

1161 days ago
74.

annie    

Sitting Bull = Alotta Bull

1161 days ago
75.

sam    

ttp://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/features/11159/index1.html

classic. loser.

Great article sam!

Posted at 5:05 AM on Feb 17, 2011 by wow...


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@


Glad you liked it! He is exactly the same all threats and BS.

1161 days ago
Previous 15 Comments | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Most Recent | Next 15 Comments

Around The Web