Charlie Harper Deader Than A Doornail

9/20/2011 4:30 AM PDT

Charlie Harper: Deader Than a Doornail

Chuck Lorre, the creator of "Two and a Half Men," made damn sure Charlie Sheen was never coming back ... because as TMZ first reported, Charlie Harper was nothing more than exploding meat when the script was put to bed.

Here's the funeral scene, where Rose recounts Harper's demise ... a demise she clearly orchestrated.