'Two and a Half Men' Star Conchata Ferrell on the Mend ... After Near-Fatal Illness


"Two and a Half Men" fans will be shocked to hear their beloved Berta almost died from an illness recently that had her in the ICU for an extended stay -- but the good news is she's getting better.

Conchata Ferrell was hospitalized this past December in Charleston, West Virginia -- where she'd been hanging out at her vacation home since Thanksgiving. We're told in early December, she came down with something leaving her feeling weak and frail -- which turned out to be a kidney infection that spread and began contaminating her blood.

Conchata was in the ICU for at least a couple weeks while doctors worked to treat her, and just this past January ... we're told she was finally released and put into transitional care.

She was recovering at her Charleston home for the rest of the month, going through physical therapy with nurses several times a day. We're told Conchata was bedridden and couldn't even walk until recently -- now, she's back in L.A. and on her own two feet once more.

Conchata tells TMZ ... she's really not too sure how she contracted the infection, as she's not really one to get sick all that often. That said, she tells us her family was with her through every step of the process and traveled out of state to see her on at least 6 occasions.

Her husband, Arnie, was by her side too ... working tirelessly every day to make sure Conchata was okay. According to her, Arnie hasn't taken care of anything a day in his life ... but was there for her when she needed him. They don't say "in sickness" for nothing!

As for the future, we're told Conchata wants to get back into acting ASAP -- but she's still a got some recovering to do until then. Feel better, CF ... helluva trooper if there ever was one.

Charlie Sheen-- Headlocked, Booted from Bar Alcohol Definitely a Factor


Charlie Sheen overstayed his welcome at a bar in the OC Saturday ... he was taken out in a headlock.

Charlie had gone fishing during the day, then retreated to what seemed like safe ground ... Hennessey's Tavern in Dana Point. One shot turned into 2, turned in to 5 ... and 4 hours later Charlie was blitzed.

He was friendly enough, taking pics with a bunch of adorning fans. But then this woman tried to shoot video of him on her cellphone, which he slapped out of her hand, damaging it.

The bouncer then did what bouncers do ... he put Charlie in an impressive WWE hold and removed him from the premises ... and someone DID shoot that on their cellphone.

But it wasn't over. Charlie insisted on meeting the guy who dared put him in line. They shook hands, said goodnight, and Charlie's driver took his alcohol-fueled passenger home.

Good times.

'Two & A Half Men' Child Star TV Honchos Hooked ... The Kid Stays In Our Pictures


Edan Alexander is only 7 years old, but looks like the big wigs behind "Two and A Half Men" feel they've found the golden child, because they're throwing down big bucks to keep him around.

According to his minors contract, Edan scored $20k for each of his 10 episodes on the show's final season, and producers were so impressed they included an option for a whole new series.

If the new still untitled series gets picked up, he'll pull down $21,240 an episode with 4% bumps for every season that follows.

It's a far cry from the $1.8 mil/episode Charlie Sheen was hauling in, but at least Chuck Lorre likes him.

And isn't that worth something?

Charlie Sheen You Dissed Me, Lorre?? Watch Your Back Motherf***er!

Charlie Sheen is blasting Chuck Lorre for the "Two and a Half Men" finale with the most thinly veiled threat ever, saying ... "You must feel safe where you live!"

Sheen was out at an L.A. mall with some pals (including Darius McCrary) when he was asked about the way Lorre killed him off in the last episode -- falling piano, if you missed it -- and Charlie went into classic warlock mode.

Just a taste -- "To be that stupid ... in my face, really? You must feel safe motherf***er!"

Watch the video ... there's much more, and even if Sheen plays the "it was a joke" card -- Lorre can't be laughing.

Must-See: McCrary's reaction to Charlie's verbal attack. Classic.

Charlie Sheen Dead Again In 'Men' Finale

Chuck Lorre and the folks at "Two and a Half Men" used the finale to rip on Charlie Sheen all episode long … and then gruesomely kill him … all because Charlie wouldn't do as he was told.

Long story short, the show set up a scenario where Charlie's character wasn't really dead. In the final scene, a man who looks like Charlie (seen only from behind) shows up at the house ... but is killed by a falling piano, much to the delight of Lorre.

Lorre's infamous vanity card explained the show wanted Charlie to return for real in the finale, but Sheen refused. Lorre claims Sheen instead wanted a heartwarming scene to set the stage for a spin-off show with Jon Cryer.

Lorre was having NONE of that, but watch -- he still copped Sheen's catchphrase to close the show.

Charlie Sheen Bizarre 'Suk Me More Men' Twitter Rant

Charlie Sheen went on a rant early Thursday AM, this time apparently mocking "Two and a Half Men" ... and it seems like it all has to do with drama surrounding the final episode.

In a bizarre, hard-to-understand diatribe, Charlie seemed to use his former show's theme song to express his displeasure:

men men men
men - men me suck,
gotta suk me more men before they suk me more men

It's impossible to figure out exactly what he's saying ... he tried to use TwitLonger to better explain himself, but the link leads to a post with even LESS text.

Deciphering this is next to impossible -- but a likely theory is that Charlie wanted to be included on the finale show, but Chuck Lorre may not have extended an invite.

Charlie may try to clarify later, but we're guessing it could only get more confusing.

Charlie Sheen Ice Bucket Challenge With a BIG Twist


Charlie Sheen didn't douse himself with water in the Ice Bucket Challenge ... but he did make it rain.

Charlie was called out by hockey star Ryan Miller to take the challenge in support of the ALS Foundation. But Charlie's challenge was H20 free ... and way more awesome.

He also calls out Jon Cryer, Ashton Kutcher and nemesis Chuck Lorre to meet his challenge. Watch the video ... he doesn't seem hostile toward them.

So how much money do you think was in the bucket?

'Two & A Half Men' & 'Always Sunny' Stars Nicest Divorce EVER


Somebody should tell "Two and a Half Men" star Melanie Lynskey Hollywood divorces are typically mean, ugly and humiliating ... search Sherri Shepherd, Master P, Kevin Hart, et al.

Lynskey and "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" star Jimmi Simpson just finalized their divorce ... and it's the nicest set of divorce docs we've ever read.

Neither one hired a lawyer. They worked everything out themselves -- with a little bit of help from a mediator.

Neither wants spousal support. As for splitting assets ... they've actually included a line promising not to take "unfair advantage" of each other.

The couple filed for divorce in 2012 -- citing irreconcilable differences.

If all divorces were this nice ... well, they're not.

Charlie Sheen I'd Go Back to 'Two & a Half Men'

Charlie Sheen is extending an olive branch -- not to Rihanna, but to Chuck Lorre and "Two and a Half Men" by actually putting it out there ... he's hoping to return to the show in its final season.

As Charlie left Giorgi Baldi (scene of the RiRi diss) last night ... he talked about 'Men' coming to and end, and even took the high road when asked about Ashton Kutcher.

But Charlie says the upcoming final season would be incomplete without a Warlock sighting ... and it's pretty clear he's not joking.

Considering his character was struck and killed by a train ... it's gonna take one helluva dream sequence to bring him back.

Newhart, anyone?

Ashton Kutcher Mastering Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu I'm a Blue Belt, Bitches!

Charlie Sheen should tread lightly ... 'cause Ashton Kutcher has just earned his advanced blue belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu -- meaning, the guy can fight.

Kutcher has been training with MMA badass Rigan Machado ... and last night in Beverly Hills, the "Two and a Half Men" star was promoted to a "two stripe blue belt" -- which means he's spent hundreds of hours on the mat learning all sorts of new techniques.

Also in the house ... UFC fighters Josh Barnett and Cub Swanson. It appears Barnett was promoted to an instructor level.

Still, Kutcher is hardly the most dangerous sitcom star -- that honor probably goes to Ed O'Neil ... who's a frickin' BLACK BELT!!!

In fact, Rorion Gracie once described Ed as "As tough as they come."

Charlie Sheen to Ashton 'Mind Your Tongue' Or I'll Beat Your Ass

Breaking News

Well that was fast ... Charlie Sheen is threatening to destroy Ashton Kutcher -- just hours after making peace with his "Two and a Half Men" replacement.

As we reported ... Kutcher called out Charlie on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" Thursday night for belittling him on Twitter, telling him to "shut the f**k up." Sheen got the point, and made a public apology.

But Sheen tells us ... when he did his mea culpa he hadn't watched the Kimmel interview. When Charlie got around to watching it he immediately blasted Kutcher, tweeting, "Dood, you ever tell me to shut the F*** up, EVER again, and I'll put you on a hospital food diet for a year."

Charlie tells TMZ he has a warning for Ashton ... "Mind your tongue, junior."

Charlie to Ashton POINT TAKEN! Sorry I've Been a Total Jackass to You

Breaking News

Charlie Sheen got Ashton Kutcher's message loud and clear ... apologizing to Ashton for riding his ass so hard the last few years -- and promising to shut the hell up from here out.

Ashton called Charlie out last night on "Jimmy Kimmel Live," blasting Charlie for constantly berating him on Twitter after Ashton replaced him on "Two and a Half Men." For example, just last month, Charlie tweeted Ashton, "Quit barfing on my old brilliant show."

Ashton turned to the camera and said, "Dude, shut the f**k up! Enough already. It's three years later and you're still blowing me up on Twitter. Come on dude, really?"

And Charlie listened ... apologizing this morning for taking his bitterness toward "Men" creator Chuck Lorre out on Ashton. He tweeted, "Ashton, message received. so sorry, u sounded like me! well done! my bad I was pissed at other crap & took it out on you. hope u r good xox c."

And just like that. Beef over.

Jon Cryer My Ex Is Lying I Only Make 3/4 of a Mil a Month


Jon Cryer proved his ex-wife was delusional when she claimed he made $2 million a month from "Two and a Half Men." Fact is ... he made way less than half that amount.

Jon submitted legal docs objecting to Sarah Trigger's petition to up her child support from $8,000 to $88,000 a month ... arguing the kid was humiliated at his fancy private school because he couldn't keep up with the Kardashians.

The judge shut Sarah down ... in part because Jon submitted an income declaration showing he earns $758,449 a month -- $600K is from the show, and the rest is from investments and such.

And this is interesting. Jon also listed his expenses. He shells out $7,700 in entertainment, $3,800 in car expenses, $1,000 in groceries, $3,300 for child care and $4,000 for tuition ... and those are MONTHLY expenses. $4 grand a month for tuition ... sheesh.

Now get this ... Jon doesn't eat out a lot. Total monthly expense -- $44.

Guess Ashton picks up the tab.

Jon Cryer's Ex-Wife Judge Shuts Down Whiny Child Support Plea You Don't Need $88K a Month!


Jon Cryer's ex-wife might have to start drinking discount champagne -- TMZ has learned, she just got shut down in court after asking to increase her child support from $8,000 per month to $88,000.

TMZ broke the story ... Sarah Trigger ran to court in October, crying for WAY more child support money because their son Charlie couldn't afford all the trappings of rich kid life when he was with her ... expensive summer camps, exotic vacations, fancy birthday parties.

Sarah claimed their son had become a laughing stock at the ritzy Buckley School because of his pauper lifestyle ... and he's humiliated.

She justified her bid by claiming her custody share had increased from 4% of the time to 50% of the time ... so she deserved more money ... especially because Cryer's making a killing on "Two and a Half Men" (she claims $2 mil a month).

But today in court, the judge wasn't sympathetic ... ruling there was no change in circumstances that required an increase in support. Translation: get off the gravy train and start couponing, lady.

Jon Cryer's Ex-Wife Rich Kids are Humiliating Our Son I Need $88K a Month


Jon Cryer's ex wife claims their 13-year-old son is becoming the object of scorn and ridicule at his exclusive private school because the other kids have a caviar lifestyle and she's forced to live in the world of spam ... and that's why she's asking a judge to squeeze $88k a month from Jon in child support.

Get ready to throw something at the computer (or mobile device), 'cause this is gonna piss you off.

Sarah Trigger has been getting a measly $8,000 a month in child support since 2010. It galls her that Jon is making a fortune on "Two and a Half Men" -- she claims $2 mil a month!

Sarah says life is awful. She says her son Charlie can't afford the ritzy summer camps his friends attend. She says Charlie's friends go on "exotic vacations in the summer and winter like Europe and Thailand." He can't go.

It gets worse. Sarah says Charlie's friends at The Buckley School have "huge birthday parties at expensive places like Sky High Sports and they invite the entire grade." And worst of all ... the Bar Mitzvahs. Sarah says, "Last year there were multiple Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs all with custom invitations, a dress code and huge private receptions afterward."

Sarah says Charlie is feeling the pain, and so is she. Sarah says when she got child support back in 2010, she only had custody 4% of the time ... and that's why she only got $8,000 a month. Now she has custody 50% of the time, so she wants a cool $88,969 a month.

The 69 is clearly for Jon.

Roseanne Goes NUCLEAR On Chuck Lorre That Drunk Stole My Joke!


Roseanne has gone nuclear on Ashton Kutcher and "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre, accusing them of joke stealing and calling Ashton a "f**king thief."

Roseanne apparently caught wind of a recent episode in which Ashton told someone something to the effect of, "You're wet where you're supposed to be dry." Turns out, the wet bit is an old Roseanne joke, which sent her into a wild rage.

Roseanne began by attacking Ashton on twitter, calling him "an immoral thief of intellectual property." But very quickly, she changed targets and put Chuck in her cross hairs: "CHUCK LORRE IS A THIEF! STEALING MY JOKES FOR HIS S**T TWO AND A HALF MORON."

And then she gets personal with Lorre, who once worked as a writer on her famous sitcom: "I wish I'd NEVER hired Chuck Lorre. Like EVERY 'sober' Hollywood mkultrabot, he w;ent frm being a drunken bum2 an overbearing arrogant thief."

She's still ranting on twitter ... and it's entertaining!

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