Me Tie You Long Time

One of the most hoity-toity hotels in all of Washington DC is taking its rich and famous guests by the throat -- with a guy whose only job will be tying bowties for the fashionably defunct.

Starting next Friday, the Mandarin Oriental will have a full-time "bowtie butler" on staff to help any wannabe Tucker Carlson with all their neckwear needs. No clip-ons please! The service is complimentary for hotel guests and available until the night of the inauguration.

Unfortunately, after the 20th, fellow Americans, you're all on your own.