Julia Roberts -- Crappy Woman
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Julia Roberts is so down to earth, she even personally picks up her dog's feces.
Now the only thing the 41-year-old mother of three needs to curb are those 2003 Ugg boots!
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T-1000 Terminates Bats in the Cave
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In the future, machines will be able to pick our noses for us.
Until that day, humans like Robert Patrick will have to dig for gold all on their own.
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MacGyver Pissed Over Alleged Pooch Pounding
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This weekend in Malibu our photog almost got to see how MacGyver -- aka Richard Dean Anderson -- would take down an alleged animal abuser using only the dog's leash, his own glasses and a Christmas poinsettia.
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Nicole Kidman: Still Sore About Divorce
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Not to be outdone by the third Mrs. Tom Cruise, the second Mrs. Tom Cruise showed off her lip impairment in Stuttgart, Germany this weekend.
Mimi Rogers, you have been warned.
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Bo's Car Found -- Precious Accessories Still M.I.A.
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John Schneider's stolen car finally was recovered last night, but without its most valuable contents -- the two innocent adorable puppies he was supposed to give to his kids as a X-Mas gift.
The Cadillac Escalade was found stripped of its expensive seats and its instrument panel after it was stolen from a shopping mall in the Valley.
The two doggies -- 10-week old Marley and Paisley are still missing.
Missing Puppies -- Cutest Victims Ever
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These are the silent victims -- the defenseless cuddly puppies heartlessly ripped from the Schneider family, who were eagerly waiting to love them.
If you know where the puppies are -- or have any information that could lead to the whereabouts of the sick, sick bastard who took the adorable little doggies, please call (310) 248-6118.
Marley (left ) and Paisley (right) need your help.
Horrible Scumbag Steals Puppies from Little Girls
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Some heartless X-mas bastard stole two of the cutest puppies ever from the guy who played Bo Duke -- and the jerk also got away with the actor's car too.
A ten-week-old Yorkie named Paisley and a ten-week-old Yorkiepoo named Marley -- future Christmas gifts for his children -- were hangin' in John Schneider's Cadillac Escalade Saturday night when some scum-bucket jacked the ride from the parking lot at the Sherman Oaks Fashion Square mall.
Schneider filed a police report for the lil' guys ... and the car too. If anyone has any info, call 310-248-6118.
Brangelina: We Call (Mechanical) Bull
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are just like every other average, super rich and famous, A-list, unmarried parents of six ... and had a mechanical bull delivered to their L.A. home on Thursday.
Who wants to see Angelina ride bareback?!
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Is Lindsay Fur Real?!
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Lindsay Lohan isn't letting the fact that an animal rights activist dumped flour on her head a few weeks ago stop her from wearing the sheared pelt of her favorite four-legged friend.
Adorned with what may or may not be real fur, Lindz (with the help of security) made her way through LAX on Wednesday. Afterward she did not have to be de-floured.
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Justin & Jessica: Doggie Day Care
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Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel enjoyed a dog day afternoon together on Tuesday.
Hopefully, they weren't too pooped.
Two Kitten Heads Are Better Than One
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How many two-faced pussies do you know? Meow, meow!
This two-headed kitten was born in Perth, Australia and is reportedly doing well.
No word if the kitty has 18 lives.
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Terminator Pooch I Told You I'd Be Back
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Rose McGowan recently lost one pup to doggy heaven -- but rest assured, she didn't have to say "Hasta la vista, baby" to her cyborg-lookin' canine.
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Vick's Dogs: You Want Fleas with That Wine?
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The 22 dogs rescued from Michael Vick's dog fighting farm of death have moved on from their days of paw-to-paw combat to grace the labels of their own brand of wine: The Vicktory Dogs Wine Collection.
A brief story about each pup's life will be on the back of their individual labels and 10% of the vino's proceeds will go to the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary -- where they all hang their collars -- in southern Utah.
Meanwhile, somewhere in prison, Michael Vick is stuck with his cellmate's famous brand of toilet wine.
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Mickey Rourke's Dog Day Afternoon
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Look at the face on that dog -- and check out Mickey Rourke's puppy, too!
The gold slipper-clad 56-year-old reassembled actor took time out of dropping -- and apologizing for -- homophobic slurs to go to LAX with his pet chihuahua on Wednesday.
There aren't enough skycaps in the world for all his baggage.
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Kelly Osbourne -- Malibu Pooper Scooper
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Kelly Osbourne said nobody would want to watch video of her picking up her adorable dog's nuisance outside Nobu in Malibu. Prove her wrong.
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Heigl Researches Girl-on-Tiger Kiss
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Since "Grey's Anatomy" abruptly ended Sara Ramirez and Brooke Smith's lesbian storyline last week, the show's writers could improve ratings by pairing Katherine Heigl ... with a large cat. Meow!
Heigl took time out from chain-smoking to visit an animal rescue center in L.A. on Sunday.
We smell an Emmy.