Jacko Tells 40 Kids -- "Start Givin'"

Michael Jackson made his much-hyped return to the stage last night, and it turned out to be anything but thrilling. The singer appeared at the World Music Awards in London to accept the Diamond Award for selling more than 100 million albums worldwide -- but based on this evidence, he might be lucky to sell even one more from this point. The world's most squirm-inducing human being was rumored to be performing "Thriller" with British pop star Chris Brown, but ended up coming out for just a few perfunctory (and not terribly in-tune) bars of "We Are The World." With his ghostly complexion and voice even reedier and shriller than usual, Jacko strolled down the stage with a swarm of children, and then just stopped singing completely, so he could hug the young ones.

Jacko's one moment of total abandon came when he threw his jacket into the crowd. No word on whether members of the crowd successfully avoided it.