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"Lost" Diary -- Not in Portland

2/8/2007 1:46 PM PST BY TMZ STAFF

Daniel from TMZ here, welcome back to the "Lost" Diary. Did you miss me? More importantly, did you miss "Lost?"

Flashback to Tuesday afternoon, 2:00 PM. My co-worker, Evan, asked me, "Do you know what happens in 24 hours?" "No," I said. "It'll be eight hours until 'Lost.'"

"Lost" is back, baby!

For all you "Lost" Diary newbies, here's how it goes. I gather with a group of friends watching "Lost," writing what happens on the show as it happens, and throwing in my two cents along the way.

I'm gathered tonight with Ari (our host), Lauren (the "Lost" Nazi), and Matt (no clever title). Let's roll:

10:00 -- We open with Juliet crying on the beach. Lauren immediately says, "I don't want to see a backstory on this bitch." Nice. Juliet then heads into one of the bunkers, passing Ethan in the hall, to check on a patient (played by Robin Weigert from "Deadwood"). I am guessing she has that strange island illness.



10:02 -- "Are you saying that because you don't think it's going to work, or because you're afraid he'll find out." -- Juliet's sister, Rachel. "He" is probably Henry Gale.

Note: a few "Lost" rules:

1. I always call Ben by his "real" name: Henry Gale. It just sounds cooler.
2. Juliet is evil. Evil, evil, evil.
3. The day after the episode where Charlie dies, party at my house.

10:03 -- Whoa, they're not on the island at all -- it's Miami. I already love this episode.

10:04 -- Back to the present, and Jack is yelling at Kate again. Run!!! Sawyer and Kate hand out a little ass-beating before they leave. Seems only fair.

10:05 -- It's Jack vs. Juliet in the operating room, and she is already acting like the evil woman I know she is. "If you have to, kill them!" she says.

10:07 -- The difference between past Juliet and present Juliet? Past Juliet has terrible hair. And somehow she looks older; like a cross between Bonnie Raitt and Kyra Sedgwick.

10:08 -- Her last name is Burke, she steals drugs, and she used to be married to the bad guy from season one of "24."

10:10 -- Jack just told Mr. Friendly about how Juliet asked him to kill Henry Gale. Nice play. I liked Mr. Friendly better when he had the fake beard.

10:12 -- A gunfight has broken out between the Others and Kate and Sawyer. "Lost" isn't really a gunfight kind of show.

10:13 -- Sawyer just ran out of bullets, which is good. I hate when movies and television shows have guys just firing shots and never having to reload -- that's not realistic. Of course, this show has a black smoke monster, and that's not realistic either. I digress.

10:14 -- Alex saves the day with her trusty slingshot, drawing laughs from the room. Dennis the Menace would be proud.

10:15 -- Henry Gale is awake, barely, and he spoke two very simple sentences, and yet completely freaked the hell out of me. Who's better than Henry Gale? Is it wrong that I am rooting for him?

10:18 -- Whatever Juliet is doing with her sister, her ex is on to it. What is she doing exactly? That is the question.

10:20 -- The fact that Ben is awake seems to have put the fear of God in Juliet. Worth noting.

10:22 -- OK, seriously, Henry Gale is strapped down to a table, in the middle of a spinal surgery and apparently 40 minutes from death, and I am still scared every time he comes on screen. "One gentleman to another," he tells Jack. Ahhhh!!!!! He scares the HELL out of me.

10:23 -- What are Henry and Juliet talking about? Watching them talk, without being able to hear what they are saying, is incredibly creepy. And it's really only this creepy because it's them.

10:24 -- "I'm Tom, by the way." -- Mr. Friendly. Great line. "They've got history," he says. I'd love to know what he means by that.

10:25 -- So Juliet is going to help Sawyer and Kate escape. Should be interesting.

10:28 -- Juliet is being wooed for some kind of job in Portland. And apparently she can impregnate male mice. We all have talents.

10:30 -- Juliet just discovered Alex is helping Sawyer and Kate escape. This might not end well for Alex.

10:31 -- Random celeb cameo alert!!! It's Rob McElhenney from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" as an Other.

10:32 -- Alex's dad is alive and it's Henry Gale. Wait, I am confused. Danielle was the one who caught Henry Gale in her trap last season. Shouldn't she have recognized him if he's the father of her child? Unless Alex only thinks Henry is her dad.

10:33 -- Sawyer called it the "Wookie Prisoner Trick." Ha!

10:34 -- Poor Karl is undergoing some weird torture. One of the screens read: "God loves you as He loved Jacob." The Others have mentioned a "Jacob" before. Coincidence?

10:40 -- Apparently Juliet got her sister pregnant through some kind of shot. She did tell Jack she was a fertility doctor, so I guess that makes sense.

10:41 -- I'm sorry, what just happened? Did Juliet's ex just get hit by a bus?

10:42 -- And now Jack is about to kill Henry, this time by accident. If Henry dies, so help me God...

10:43 -- Sawyer vs Pickett. Time for the main event.

10:44 -- Or not. Told you, Juliet is evil.

10:47 -- Juliet won't let Alex leave the island. "We both know your father," Juliet says. That line sounded like it could have been pulled straight from "According to Jim." Except on "Lost" it's much creepier.

10:49 -- Kate tells Jack "the fear story" just as Jack saves Henry. Fantastic scene.

10:52 -- The tone of the episode is slowing down so much, you know they are just going to hit you over the head with something crazy very shortly.

10:54 -- Jack is looking down at Henry Gale and tells Juliet that the tumor is gone. Jack wants to know what Henry said to her in that scene from before. Yeah, you and about 16 million people.

10:55 -- It's Ethan again. OH MY GOD!!!! How did I not see this coming??! Juliet said to the Portland guy, "Hey I wish my ex would get hit by a bus" and then HE GOT RUN OVER BY A BUS!!! How could I have missed that????!!!

10:56 -- Juliet just figured it out. And Mr. Alpert knows about Juliet's sister being pregnant.

10:57 -- "Actually, we're not quite in Portland." -- Best. Line. Ever. Welcome to the Hanso Foundation.

10:58 -- So, Ben told Juliet that if she helped him live, Ben would let her go home. Apparently, however bad ass Juliet is, she doesn't have the power to get off the island and doesn't want to be there either.

As always, I like to recap by asking, "What did we learn?" Here we go...

While Henry says he's been on the island his whole life, Juliet has not ... And apparently she wants out ... Alex thinks Henry is her father ... Juliet is afraid of Henry ... Juliet has changed a lot since she got to the island.

When Jack was asking about what Henry said to Juliet, he said, "After all I have been through, you owe me." Lauren quipped, "That's how I feel about the producers of the show." Sums up the opinion of most "Lost" viewers quite well I think.

I don't think tonight's episode was what a lot of people were looking for, but I loved it. I give the episode a solid B -- I enjoyed Juliet's flashbacks, I am glad at least Sawyer and Kate are off the island, and I am really looking forward to Juliet vs. Henry now that he's out of surgery. Plus, Charlie wasn't in it, so that's always good.

And now I leave the rest of the column to you and your comments. I always read them and usually use a few of them to kick off the next week's diary. So here's my question to you this week: If you could have next week's episode answer one "Lost" mystery, which would it be?

See you next week.

98 COMMENTS

No Avatar
1.

Alice Adams    

What IS Danielle's sickness? How WERE they sick? ( mistakes by Ben?) A new world? ie" the 6 thing..........Something fun to talk about.......Alice










2752 days ago
2.

Barb Feaster    

I have not watched LOST since the first season... that did it for me. Too many people with too many personal stories and too many re-runs. It should NEVER have gotten an award.
It should have been a good show and I would have continued watching except for the above. The head of the show ruined it for so many of us. Please learn a lesson from this.
Keep it simple stupid..... and on regularly with few if any re-runs.

2731 days ago
3.

Christina    

The man from Portland, who wanted Juliet to come work with him "outside of Portland"... is he part of the Dharma initiative group? Maybe?

2760 days ago
4.

Zayra    

I believe that Ethan helped Juliet's sister get pregnant. When Juliet got to her sister's room she was asleep and as she apprached the room, Ethan was getting out. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I am already exhausted from this show. I LOVE IT!! Have a question, when that guy from "Portland" was showing the slideshow, Did any of you see Hurley? I think I did but not sure.

2760 days ago
5.

NCW    

My question would be "Who is Henry Gale exactly??"...he's awesomely creepy.

Also, did you notice that Henry told Juliet the SAME thing he told Jack about letting them go if he lived? Note Jacks face when she told him that.

2760 days ago
6.

Adrian    

I love reading your summary! I've been looking for it since 7:30 EST!! Thanks and keep up the great work!

2760 days ago
7.

Sassy    

First and foremost I must say THANK YOU DANIEL. The Lost Diaries are really the only reason I am still watching Lost. I can't wait for Thursday to read it.
Thank goodness Sawyer and Kate got off that island I could not stand to see any more chasing, torture or beatings of those two!!

I am sad that Jack might be put back into his "cage." But, absolutely loved the moment between Jack and Kate when she was telling him the "story" as she and Sawyer were about to leave on the beach.

And Juliet's ex getting hit by the bus, WHOA!!! That was greatness!

2760 days ago
8.

Anne    

What were those psychological tests Karl was forced to watch and what were they used for?

2760 days ago
9.

yabadabadooo    

Okay - you rock!
This episode was a classic! I loved the bus scene! Excellent. Too bad that wasn't Henry Gale on the receiving end of that one.

I found it funny that Sawyer wanted to know how many bears there were! We know they killed one, and who was it that was going to get eaten by it?! It has eluded me.

I anxiously await your Lost Diary's even when I watched the show. Very cool!
Did I say you rock?!

I want to know what happened to the Sharks? Fish? What was the fish tank used for? You know the Docs cell. This is going to be very cool. My prediction is that they practiced fertility reproduction on the animals, to create their own kingdom and something must have gone terribly wrong. And I believe EVIL woman was part of it, like the animals came out deformed or something?!!! And why are they loose on the island, remember the horse?

Well until next week, keep up the great work!

Mocha

2760 days ago
10.

Lukas    

I'd like to know about Juliet's wishing that her ex-husband was dead and then it being so. It's like she read about "The Secret." I'd like to know if it was just a coincidence or if the Hanso group are all powerful, messengers sent from heaven (or hell.) I don't think the resolution will be at all satisfying, but still curious.

2760 days ago
11.

TC    

I too am glad the show has returned. I am also glad to see the diary is up n' running again...My favorite line from the episode was, "Hi, I'm Tom" that was so great.
One question I would like answered, where are Walt & Michael!? Did they ever get anywhere?! They got on the boat & started off, but that's all we know.
I thoughroughly enjoy the diary entries every Thursday. I love that you add your friend's comments throughout the show's timeline. Until next week.

2760 days ago
12.

Derek    

1) Ethan has super powers, he totally did some crazy *ish to Charlie when he was after Claire. You know experiments have been done on him...was totally brainwashed a la Clockwork Orange like that other dude.

2) The Q I'd like answered is where the eff are all the crazy wildreness children who don't make a sound when walking in the forest? The whole show revolves around that in the end I believe. Kids are the key to it all man.

3) How can you not mention the "turn out the lights on the way out" line. Best line aside from the wookie comment by far.

Good stuff here I think I'm a regular now.

Viva la Lost.

2760 days ago
13.

Lisa    

Not quite in Portland! HA! What an understatement. Juliet's ex hit by a bus was quite possibly the most shocking scene of the show. What's the deal with Alex's boyfriend? The use of drugs and brainwashing is just creepy. Alex's slingshot and Sawyer's Wookie Prisoner Trick made me laugh out loud! I love this show!

2760 days ago
14.

Sara    

Actually, she never said Benry was Alex's father..... I think it is Jacob.

2760 days ago
15.

Patrick    

Here's the thing that struck me the most about this episode. So, Juliet was injecting her sister with some sort of hormone to make her pregnant.

Ethan was injecting Claire with something when she was being held captive, and without going back to watch that episode, I believe it was the same type of vile. So what was Ethan doing? Claire was already pregnant.

I was anxiously awaiting the Dharma Sea Creature to make it's debut as it ate the canoe. Consider me disappointed..lol

2760 days ago
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