John Mayer Negotiating with Aliens?

16. John Mayer is very rude, and not at all funny in public. How would he feel if we insulted him with jokes about his life and work? How would he feel if someone set up a website with him being the sole and constant object of ridicule and scorn.

His jokes are crass and he obviously never rehearsed his appalling and drab routine, which makes me wonder if he ever rehearses at all. He’s probably the type of comedian who rehearses on stage on the night, if you know what I mean. The timing during his routine was odd, and his jokes are just as odd and offensive as he is. I believe at one point he leaned against the rear of the stage in the comedy cellar, which I thought was extremely unprofessional, he looked like a big kid on stage for the first time.

He looks and sounds like a “Complete Amateur,” and should do everyone a favour by performing properly for a change. If you do anything in life, whether it’s dumping the trash to a pathetic comedy routine, for goodness sake do it properly.

My advice is: “Polish up your act” or “Get off and stay off.”

Posted at 8:40PM on May 21st 2007 by Ketty(UK)

17. He looks like Edward Scissorhands!!! Freaky..

Posted at 9:23PM on May 21st 2007 by Jackie

18. who wouldn't be talking about aliens after dating jessica. they're all aliens.

Posted at 10:12PM on May 21st 2007 by loopy

19. he was probably tryin to get buddah. weed. that may explain the pizza.

Posted at 12:52AM on May 22nd 2007 by Ava

20. hahahaha he is so funny...love him!

Posted at 11:08AM on May 22nd 2007 by gina

21. Why question if he's talkin about aliens? He's been dating one, hasn't he?

Posted at 10:09AM on May 22nd 2007 by Dog

22. I am so unhappy with the way I was treated on myspace by John Mayer, and the vast number of myspace websites he operated incognito under his name, so I have formally decided to take legal action against him on completion of legal courses in the United Kingdom in many years to come, or for however long it takes for me to pass my exams. I will never ever forget the appalling way John Mayer related to me on myspace and his blogs, not to mention how he may have insulted others.

He should think twice about the way he treats people on the web, and that some people don't take kindly to a barrage of insults, which is all I received from him, both directly and indirectly. Granted, I won't be able to imprison or sue him by way of the criminal courts for the barrage in insults he gave me on myspace and his blogs, but I am certain that I will deal with him in the criminal courts later for whatever reasons I deem necessary. Who said that life was fair, and whoever thought that justice was fair?

I wonder if he remembers “Girl can I pee on you?” or perhaps he remembers “Can I punch you in the stomach?” or how about “Go back to whore island.” His myspace website is littered with offensive porno pics on a daily basis, when he knows that there are children under the age of 16 that regularly appear on his comment’s column. His personal blogs, and blogs operated incognito by him are wholly distasteful, with constant references made to malicious and violent behaviour.

So, since November 2006 I’ve learned the following about John Mayer:

1) He likes guns and zombies.

2) He likes peeing and vomiting, and likes to regurgitate his feelings when speaking about sex in public or with journalists from magazines etc.

3) He enjoys insulting people during his comedy routines, when perhaps he should pick on other subjects to ridicule.

4) He likes young girls under the age of 16 on myspace, as I believe he himself set up private websites incognito on myspace and posed as girls under the age of 16. He has many fans, ranging from children under 16, to adults over 50. John Mayer may have hoped that his older fans would withdraw when they realised how rude and ageist he was.

5)He likes copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, and that’s entirely up to him how he portrays himself to the world, and I’m just exposing the facts that’s all, as he did say on one of his most recent blogs that he likes the truth. So, here goes everything!

6) In 1996 he attended the Berklee College of Music, and dropped out after a few months. His influences are Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix, and yet John Mayer still hasn’t found a way to develop his own individual style.

7) He can’t read music very well, he certainly can’t sing properly, and only recently started singing lessons.

8) He has also unforgivably ridiculed women with different breast sizes.

I hope you all find the following honest to goodness links useful, they’re all about John Mayer:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/11515443/john_mayer_speaks_listen_to_his_hilarious_takes_on_paris_hilton_brad__angelina_living_in_ny

http://www.usmagazine.com/node/1829

I will adjourn for a while.

Posted at 10:32AM on May 22nd 2007 by Ketty(UK)

23. He's a commie, but he's an amusing commie.

And Ketty(UK) - we get it. Shut up already.

Posted at 11:09PM on May 22nd 2007 by Kate

24. FAO: Kate

Firstly, I've seen so many great comedians, and secondly I worked in first class cabaret venues, both as a vocalist and in another capacity, together with first class British comedians who topped the bill in the same club as myself. I've performed in the same cabaret nightclubs as Bob Monkhouse, Tom O'Connor, and Lenny Windsor, to name but a few absolutely brilliant British comedians, who all had an extremely professional and highly polished act.

John Mayer should keep his crass and corny jokes for his pals at the local pub. He is an absolutely appalling comedian and always will be, and certainly can't be compared with Lee Evans, a superb British comedian with excellent timing, and without a shadow of doubt John Mayer will never be a world class entertainer, or first class performer like Sebastian Maniscalco.

John Mayer spent a great deal of time insulting people like myself and others on Myspace and on his own blogs, so now it is time for a taste of his own medicine. I never forgive or forget the appalling way people or organisations treat me, and for me, time is not a great healer - because I don’t have to forget, nor will I ever forget the way people treated me yesterday or even 30 years ago for that matter.

I have previously made comments about John Mayer under the names of: Miss Disappointed and Ketty Katz (UK), although they’re not just comments, they are the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth – thankyou very much.

Ketty Katz (UK)

Posted at 12:33PM on May 23rd 2007 by Ketty Katz (UK)

25. JOHN, IF YOU READ THIS, I WANT TO INVITE YOU TO "COME" OVER TO THE DARK SIDE! I OVERSTAND THAT YOU MUST KEEP WITH THE STATUS QUO ALL OF THAT NONSENSE, BUT I PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I WOULD LOVE TO TASTE THOSE LIPS! MY GOD MAN! I dont have big horse teeth, so I wont catch your soft, sweet skin in my teeth. I promise. I WILL MAKE GRAVITY WORK FOR YOU AND AFTER YOU C$M YOU WONT TO LET IT BRING YOU DOWN: TWICE AS MUCH. I SAY TO HELL WITH WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING ABOUT YOUR COMEDY....WE LIBRAS HAVE SENSE OF HUMOR THAT SOME OF A SMALL FEW ACTUALLY GET, SO IN THAT, I CAN FEEL YOUR FRUSTRATION. KEEP AT IT. F$$K 'EM ALL. I LOVE YOU HAIR. I CAN SEE YOU SWEET FACE NOW. I DID LIKE THE LONGER HAIR. SAW SOME REALL AMAZING PIX AMD YOU KNOW YOU LOOK GOOD. I'M NOT GOING TO GAS YOU. YOU CAN MODEL WHENEVER YOU LIKE. THAT JAPENESE LINE HAS A GREAT EYE & RECOGNIZED THAT THANG YOU HAVE. ITS VERY JUST BENETHE THE SURFACE AS IT SMOLDERS AND THAT IS ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SMOKN' WHITE HOT TO ME. I LOVE WHITE BOYS ANYWAY. SAW THAT PHOTO OF YOUR BEACH STROLL DOWN UNDER...OMG! MY NAUGHTY PARTS ARE PURRING RIGHT NOW. YOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOU WORK OUT AND I SEE THAT YOU GREAT CARE OF THAT LONG DRINK OF WATER BODY. I LIKE YOUR V-CUTS AND THE LIGHT BABY HAIR ON YOUR TREASURE TRAIL, WHICH LEADS TO LIGHT BROWN MAN HAIR WITH JUST A SLIGHT TOUCH OF BLOND IN IT. I HOPE YOU ARE CUT. I HATE HOODIES ON THE ONE EYED BANDIT. ; ) EVEN SO, I CAN PULL IT BACK OR YOU CAN HOLD IT FOR ME WHILE I CURL YOUR CUTE TOES. I DONT CARE ABOUT THE RUMORS: I'LL BE A BEARD! SO WHAT! I WILL TELL YOU THIS MUCH, ONCE YOU HAVE MY BROWN SUGHA YOU'LL WANT TO BE COVERED IN MY RAIN ALL THE TIME. THE BONUS IS I'M CUTE ,SMART & I'M FUNNY. I ALSO MAKE MY OWN HANDBAGS! JUST ONE TIME. ONE! ONE CONDIITION: YOU HAVE TO GET TESTED FOR EVERYTHING. SERIOUSLY. ONCE THE CDC HAS CLEARED YOU, HIT ME BACK. LUV YOU BABY...

Posted at 12:22PM on May 28th 2007 by Melnski

26. Ketty(UK) -

I think you missed the point. No one cares. He doesn't care that you are offended. I don't care if you think he's a bad comedian. Heck, I didn't even know (or care) that he tells jokes beyond messing with the paparazzi; I'm only familiar with his music. John Mayer is not coming here and reading the TMZ comments. All you are doing is whining - repetitively - to a group of people who couldn't care less. If you want to gripe to John Mayer, write him a letter, post on his MySpace, post on YOUR MySpace, whatever. Just go away.

Posted at 8:01PM on Jun 1st 2007 by Kate

27. I adore John Mayer and apologize for all of my other comments under the names of Ketty (UK), and Miss Disappointed (UK) on TMZ.

I’m emotional like most women who have been “slighted,” and only wanted to retort with a few comments. Life would be rather dull if we could not respond by expressing our emotions, and in my case, a regrettable set of comments.

I will always be in love with John Mayer and his mind, forever and a day….

Ketty (UK)

Posted at 2:40AM on Jul 6th 2007 by Ketty (United Kingdom)

28. I think you are a ass hole and make fun of Jess all you want it will come back and bite you in the ass..I cant stand JM.......I hope he changes his underwear as much as his Girls because they should be clean.

Posted at 8:53AM on Aug 13th 2007 by JM

29. A September 2006 interview in Toronto's Globe & Mail, headlined "And the Grammy for self-love goes to . . ." Just about said it all.

Posted at 10:19PM on Aug 15th 2007 by Chris C