Gummi Bear Swears Off

6/20/2007 1:08 PM PDT
Gummi Bear will not drink.
That's what he said, that's what he thinks.
"I'm fabulous," said the smoky bear,
and it's true -- just look at that hair!

Clad in what appears to be a jacket made of some leftover upholstery from a Fresno beauty salon, the portly, pithy pontificator said, "Alcohol is a mere fix to someone else's problems ... for about 5 seconds." Well, that's clear.

Gummi claimed six days of sobriety, but his newfound clarity has clearly has not helped him choose his wardrobe.