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Candy to Tori:

Get Real, Baby

7/27/2009 1:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Candy & Tori SpellingCandy Spelling -- the mother famously at war with her daughter -- has taken the bold step of communicating with Tori Spelling through TMZ ... and her opening line isn't gonna get her a lot of invites. Here's the open letter in all its glory:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.


I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori's, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter's first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glances. Cue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I'm sure its delivery will be on next week's episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won't like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn't how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed "yes," I didn't realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter's reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don't read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying "she's late." I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that I would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn't get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You're responsible for what you do. Life isn't just a show. And your families can't just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.
1285 COMMENTS

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1201.

rko girl    

maybe one day candy will wake up in her huge house all alone except for servants and her lawyers and realize life is too short. you are going to die someday a lonely woman with noone at your funeral but a few kiss ass friends hoping for a handout. what are you going to do with millions of dollars when your dead. suck it up and see your daughter, your grandkids and your son in law before its too late.

1843 days ago
1202.

chaunte    

well goes to show you that all that tori said in her books were right about her mom.. Candy thinks nothing but herself.. next time you write to tmz make sure you really mean it and dont publiciz it ..

1843 days ago
1203.

rojc205    

both of these women are wrong, no one is right, fighting this in public makes them attention whores figure it out in private at this point, no one cares. BUT

according to tori, her mother once told her shed only be pretty after her first nose job. i dont know if its true, but if it is- shame on you candy.

but tori also needs to be the bigger person here seeing as her mother's maturity level is downright embarrasing

1843 days ago
1204.

Andrea Nicole    

When it's all said and done Candy is the MOTHER and should be there for her daughter. It seems that Candy is not mature and willing to let things go for the sake of her family as Tori is willing to do. How dare she ridicule Tori on national television, but not be willing to reconcile on national television.

It is apparent on the show that Tori remembers fond moments with her mom and tries to incoroporate those with her own daughter.......I'm truly appauld by her behavior. I know from not having my dad around that you try, move on and do you.

1843 days ago
1205.

desi    

Candy's letter to TMZ is sickening. I simply cannot get over this mother's attitude toward her daughter. This woman is a defect, totally lacking in maternal love. Candy does not deserve to be a mother. She is NOT a mother. She is so delusional that she will never realize her mistakes. I am sorry for Tori that she longs to have a mother, but I truly feel that Tori should protect her beautiful children from this evil woman, Candy Spelling. So what if Candy meets Stella? Candy is all about Candy. Absolutely nothing good will result from this meeting. It only gives Candy the potential of causing more pain to the McDermott family. Tori, don't you realize that she will hurt the children that you love so much? She is a witch...stay away from her!

1843 days ago
1206.

Tori Fan    

My mom and dad would do anything to see their grandchildren. Candy is only hurting herself. Tori has a successful career family and surrogate family around her. Candy appears to be jealous of her daughter's success. Stella and Liam don't need a dysfunctional relationship with their grandmother. If I were Candy, I would pick up the phone and start a dialogue, however what she has in age she lacks in maturity. If she really, truly loved her daughter and husband she would make an effort. Although Candy may have material possessions she can never get back this time that has passed with her grandchildren. I guess it is so frustrating to watch because we see how stupid Candy acting.... Maybe she needs to lose everything to realize what is important. Seems like her thinking warped.

1843 days ago
1207.

TheBakingSlave    

You know what it really doesn't matter. The point is she is your DAUGHTER and at least in my family we wefre taught that no matter what our kids do we love them with all our hearts and we DEF don't humiliate them on a very PUBLIC open letter. The things you said in this letter are things I would never say about my child no matter what mistakes they make. Also our children are miniatures of us so any mistakes she makes for the most part are from the parents crappy upbringing my dear. I feel that those kids are not props and honestly they look much happier than the children starving and being killed all around the world. GIVE ME AN EFFING BREAK THOSE KIDS AREN'T Traumatized or being used as props. They are well taken care of and loved. Candi you are a shame to every parent out there....Your open latter just made you look worse and you look more like a girlfriend fueding with her gal pal than a mother!

1843 days ago
1208.

diane    

I totally disagree with Candy on this- You clearly have such a problem with family issues being broadcasted to the media yet all you do is add to it. This open letter did nothing but add to the whole "war" between you two when Tori was really just trying to start fresh. If you want to meet your granddaughter in a more private setting, then guess what, NO ONE is stopping you! Do it already! If you actually watched the show you'd realize that Tori does say many nice things about you -but of course you overlook that and point out that it was an "antagonizing decision". Get over yourself really, for everyone's sake... including your 1 year old granddaughter who you still have not even met.

1842 days ago
1209.

Lala    

Candy is a true version of mommy dearest...if you don't believe me, read her book....she's nuts!
Given her hot mess history, it's no surprise she continues to rag on Tori. For once she should make it, at least, about her gran-babies and quit focusing on herself and her control over her daughter.

1842 days ago
1210.

sharon    

Old Lady Spelling needs to stop posting her personal crap here and drive over to her daughter's house.
Tori needs to let the past go..she has a great life, super husband and some sweet kids. She is a good mother to her kids...and has a super connection with them unlike her own mother.
LET IT GO!!!

1842 days ago
1211.

tarpacker    

Candy needs to grow up! She has been setting Tori up for years about whether or not there will be a reconciliation. Candy knows full well that most of her life is "on tv", so if she wants to meet her granddaughter, she should arrange it in private. I can't believe ANY Grandmother would let something petty get in the way of knowing their grandchildren. She is the one that is losing out! Selfish!!!

1842 days ago
1212.

Mr. B    

Friggin ridiculous! Candy is a betch! Tori...cut her off and let her die all alone in that 56,000 sq foot tomb, oh i mean mansion.

1842 days ago
1213.

Spirit Momma    

Wow! The only thing harder than Candie's heart is her fake plastic face. Pretty revealing she is nervous about the age thing when she decides to slam her daughter's age! She is way too concerned over age and looks instead of what is left of her family. Her email to accept the party invite was full of HER HER HER which is also VERY revealing!

1842 days ago
1214.

Vickie H.    

I agree with Candy that their first meeting should not be in front of tv cameras. But, Tori did invite her . Now if Candy really wants to see her daughter and grandchildren then she needs to suck it up and go see them. This situation sucks. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 16 yrs old and would give anything to see her again. She never saw her grandchildren and I feel my kids missed out on alot. Swallow your pride Candy and Tori and make up for your children. They need to know their family.

1842 days ago
1215.

suzi    

Candy: This is to you. Wow...nice comment about your child being middle aged. What does that make you? Obviously not a grown up. If you want a relationship with your daughter you should really have reached out a long time BEFORE the party. It is pretty lame to say that you had to wait until invited to the party. It is a good thing your granddaughter is too young to have been actually waiting for you. What do you think stella will think?Do you think your grandchildren want to read a petty letter like that and how will they feel? Obviously you really don't care about your grandchildren. It is sad that your life will end and theirs will go on and what kind of memory will they have of you? Will it be one you are proud of because of your actions? It doesn't appear that way. It is obvious to me as a mental health provider that you need counseling and to realize that you are the role model. A mother should be there unconditionally. Yes, it is upsetting to have this aired out but be realistic...what is this letter? You can play it both ways. You appeared to have a conditional love and axis II issues. I feel very sad for you. It is clear in your discuss of how you felt about your mother. It was a quick point but very telling about your playing out your issues on your children. I wonder what else you have done?

1842 days ago
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