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Candy to Tori:

Get Real, Baby

7/27/2009 1:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Candy & Tori SpellingCandy Spelling -- the mother famously at war with her daughter -- has taken the bold step of communicating with Tori Spelling through TMZ ... and her opening line isn't gonna get her a lot of invites. Here's the open letter in all its glory:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn't match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it's the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.


I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori's, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter's first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glances. Cue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I'm sure its delivery will be on next week's episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won't like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn't how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed "yes," I didn't realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter's reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don't read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying "she's late." I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that I would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn't get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings. You're responsible for what you do. Life isn't just a show. And your families can't just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.
1285 COMMENTS

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1216.

rookiecat    

Who in the hell does Candy think she is??? She has no acomplishments of her own. Her only claims to fame are her deceased husband and her very famous daughter. I admire Tori for striking out on her own and not relying on whatever inheritance she may or may not have gotten from her father. Her and Dean's relationship on their reality show indicates to me that not everyone in Hollywood is totally focused on themselves. Tori and Dean truly love each other and their gorgeous kids. Tori is a gret mother. BUT one thing I firmly believe is that both Tori and Candy need to step away from their computers and blackberries and pick up the telephone. Email is so impersonal. IF both of them really want to make amends, they need to do it away from whatever birthday party or big function that Tori plans. Candy sent an email explaining why she wouldn't be at Stella's party. In that same email, she SHOULD have sked to come to the house AFTER the party. I am firmly in Tori's corner because I don't understand how a mother can continually ignore a daugter's invitation. Candy, regardless of the method of delivery, your daughter is asking you to be a part of her life.

1814 days ago
1217.

A Mother of Four    

Dear Mrs. Spelling,

Whilst it may be true that your daughter, Tori, has chosen to lead a very public life, that fact alone neither allows or in anyway condones your public insults. As you stated, many people have issues with their upbringing. Many "remember" things in a way that differs from their parents or siblings. This is all true. Tori was clearly moved and showed great love when speaking about you on the finale of this season's "Tori and Dean." She has shown great love and emotion throughout the shows prior, too. Her viewers/readers/fans have seen that it is a battle for her between the good and the bad of the relationship. Your interviews, books, letters and websites do not. You display nothing genuine aside from disgust and bitterness. It seems this began when she divorced. It would appear, to we humble masses, that your daughter's "disgraceful" behavior at the end of her marriage "humiliated" you to the point you felt it necessary to begin the process of publicly shunning her. For someone so seemingly proper I feel it is literally stunning that you would show yourself to be so low as to write a letter such as this. There are two words for your actions and behavior as of late. White Trash. Regardless of the bankroll that may back you, you have behaved as though you are nothing more.

True class was displayed by one person throughout this saga, Dean. His continued support of his wife's decisions coupled with his well-founded concern for the emotional security of his family was spot-on. Note that he is the one out of all that hails from a solidly middle-class background where family was valued above all else. Perhaps instead of writing yet another dirade on yet another website you should send one of your minions off to Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of "Emily Post".

Warmest Regards,

An absolute no-one with a loving family...far wealthier than you

1814 days ago
1218.

Shawna    

Frankly this shocks me but doesn't suprise me. Candy...how can you put down your daughter verbally about the biggness of Stella's first birthday when all of Tori's parties thrown by you were a huge, star studded extravaganza??? Where do you think Tori got the big party idea from?? YOU!!! Since when did you throw small 3-10 guests of school mates for Tori when she was a child? You can't throw stones at someone unless you are without blame!
Irregardless if the media was there or not....you should have been at that party. Aaron's brother was there....and he wasn't seen all that much. You could have requested the same. I think you did the RSVP and back out at the last minute on purpose then to safe your ass before the finale you posted this lameo letter. You have Tori's email. So why didn't you post this letter personally and privately to her. We don't want to hear your rants...one of a lonely, deseperate, crazy old lady that has nothing better to do but sit at her computer with her doll collection.
If you would just watch the show....she talks a lot about the wonderful things you have done for her. She doesn't complain about YCMA camp or how she was forced to eat vegetables. What planet do you live on?
You have conditional love. Not a TRUE mother would act like this. And now you do it to your grandchildren. Who don't get to have a voice in telling you to just love them unconditionally.
TMZ...quit accepting letters from this woman! You are perpetuating something we don't wanna be involved in anymore. Do not do it! Candy Spelling is just trying to reclaim fame that she never got. She is only famous for marrying a much older, rich man. She was a nobody before Aaron. And she is still a nobody sitting behind a computer screen throwing punches at everyone in Hollywood. A normal, unwealthy person wouldn't even get the time of day.

1814 days ago
1219.

Bridget Lopez    

This old bag is unreal. She should be grateful that Tori is even offering for her to meet her kids. I understand Tori. We can try and try for our parents to do the right thing but at the end of the day we cant make them. Your a great mom! Your nothing like her. BTW...your moms book sucked! The only relationships she deserves to have is with her freaky fake dolls! Those.. Im sure... will be around in a few years to help her change her depends.

1813 days ago
1220.

BeReasonable    

Tori, Sweetie, Candy is never going to be the mom you want and you will never have the relationship you want with her! For whatever reason Candy is not capable of being a loving, nuturing human being on any level. Her laser beam focus always seems to be on herself, she is what is most important now, tomorrow and forever. There isn't room for you or your beautiful family in her little dark petty heart. Her behavior appears more like a jealous sister who had to always compete for Daddy's attention and would manipulate whoever, whenever with whatever until her selfish goal was accomplished. She choses to be alone so let her! Listen to Dean and let it go....stop being the victim and please don't let her anywhere near your beautiful children. If she can't manage a healthy realtionship with you why in the world would you think it even possible that she would have a healthy relationship with the kids. Be honest, do you really envision Candy being a plus or having a positive contribution to Monkey and Buggy's life? To allow the kids to see Candy would be like throwing them into the middle of a terrible divorce. Really, what are they missing by not having a relationship with their bio Granny? ....drama, chaos, confusion and heartbreak. If you being an adult are having a difficult time of this why in the world would you like her screw with the kids? Tori, you are the MOM. It's time to tell your egg donor "Bye-Bye" and give yourself what you need.

1813 days ago
1221.

sjk    

candy i really feel sorry for you, you are the one missing out and all you are saying and doing you cant take back. i'm sure if you went to the party and said you didn't want your part on tv that would of been fine with tori!!! all she wanted was to have a part in your life and for her kids to hae that too. you are a sick sick mother. you should be proud of your daughter she has not done anything on her show that is perverted or off limites she is only showing what its like to live in hollywood and what people like most stars have to deal with . and whats wrong with that. its about time we see the other side (not what the poparatis what to show us. ) anyway your a selfish lady and your the one that is losing out i just feel so sorry for tori and her kids shame on you

1813 days ago
1222.

Kathy    

I cannot imagine why ANYBODY would or could blame Tori? Candy cares about NOTHING but Candy and her doll collection! I feel so sorry for Tori! Now is when you need and want your mother the most! I'm not quite old enough to be Tori's mom but would LOVE to be a grandma to those wonderful,beautiful babies I (I don't have any,YET).
All of those making personal, mean, bad, comments and name calling of Tori and Dean,should be ashamed b/c my bet is they do NOT know either one of them at all! The poster that said Dean wants the money doesn't watch the show b/c he's the one that try's to get Tori to stop trying b/c of the hurt it causes her everytime! Doesn't sound like a man after money to me. Candy is just still mad and pouting over the money spent on Tori's first wedding rather than seeing how much Tori and Dean love eachother, it is so obvious they have a true and deep love for one another!
Great job on your letter to Candy, Bonnie!
Candy WILL have regrets if she doesn't try to make things right ,privately, NOT on TMZ!
Hang in there Tori, you are in my prayers.
No one you know in Alabama

1813 days ago
1223.

Christine    

I think a lot of you have such harsh comments. How does Tori seem spoiled? She's working non-stop and trying to make a living all on her own and I respect that a lot. Candy is the one on a free ride and selfish. My mother in law lost a sister due to family feuding and that's hard to understand since they are family, but none of you know what happened. There's always more to it then we know so I don't blame Tori for being hurt and sad she lost her mother. The cameras follow her everywhere and when you are famous it's hard to keep things in private.

1813 days ago
1224.

concerned    

The person who needs to step up and do the right thing is Candy Spelling. Her referring to her grandchildren as "props" on the show was a low blow. Putting out a freaking open letter to Tori, and to add insult to injury, displaying it on TMZ...it's so trifling. And Candy not wanting to be on TV when meeting her grandchildren is such a lame excuse! Even if the only two choices were to be, either see the grandchildren on TV or not see them at all, the choice seems pretty obvious to me! And this isn't even the case because she can see them before the tapings, after, or whatever. You would think that Tori would be acting the way Candy is for the simple fact that she is the child in this situation. I feel that Tori needs to always leave that window open for her mother, BUT, recognize her mom for who she is, stop stressing about it, and live her life. If Dean hadn't made the choices he made with his father, Tori and the kids could possibly have suffered. Same for me and my situation. Sometimes you just have to let go and remain hopeful that one day it can be different but not let it worry you into an early grave.

1813 days ago
1225.

jumeaujs1    

I'm a 62 year old grand mother of two - and am trying to see BOTH sides of this issue. First, let me say that I think Tori's invitation to her mother was from her heart and I think Candy's initial response was from her heart as well. BUT, neither of them had stopped to think about the reality of a meeting at Stella's birthday party. This was NOT the venue for a first meeting or a reconciliation. Having camera crews there would have been bad enough but then, having two hundred pairs of eyes watching your every move would have been unbearable for Candy and Tori and would have taken all attention from Stella and her birthday. I personally feel that a woman who took the time to buy sea shells and bury them in the sand so her children could find them and who had an ice cream fight in a shop with her children - can't be all bad. I think that the problems with Tori and her mother began when Tori became a teen and a real "daddy's girl". I've seen it happen many times - Mom no longer fit into the picture. I think that Candy really wanted to be a part of Tori's life but Tori was all about "Daddy". Now, it's time to put all of that aside and create some NEW memories - for the sake of Stella and Liam. Tori needs to realize that her Mom won't be here forever and ( I just lost mine) and Candy needs to realize that she will never get back this part of her grandchildren's lives. It's sad all the way around. One place to start, however, is to STOP saying anything in the media. Refuse to discuss your personal relationship with each other. Work on it privately and stop making it a subject for public discussion. I sure would love to say this to both of them.

1812 days ago
1226.

Tomorrow    

Serveral points I wish to make: 1) Candy is not nor has she ever been a mom. She is a mother in that she gave birth, but any animal can lie down and do that. 2) Tori does not trash her mother on her show, she doesn't even bring her up until THE MEDIA throws Candy's latest 'open letter' in her face. 3) Candy Spelling is a nobody, who craves attention. Her only claim to fame is her talented daughter, Tori, and her talented late husband, Aaron Spelling. She herself is a waste of space with a poison pen and a mouth that won't shut up. 4) I truly hope Tori wises up and keeps this crazy old woman as far away from her children as she possibly can. As for you, Candy, stop whining about not seeing your grandchildren when you've never made the slightest effort to do so. Tori has never turned down a request to see the kids, although I would dearly hope she would do so now. I know I would. And kudos to Tori for being such a wonderful HANDS ON mother and a caring, considerate person. Lord knows where she learned that, must be from her dear nanny who raised her.

1812 days ago
1227.

E    

WOW!! I love Tori! I think that she is doing what she loves which is being on camera and enjoying her family. I also think that it is WONDERFUL to see Tori work so hard at being a mom while working. Who cares if they are on t.v. The media would have them all out there already anyway... she just beat them to the punch!! I also think Candy calling Tori "middle-aged" shows her immaturity. Tori talks about growing up and her family just as any of us would including the good and the bad. Candy is jealous that she isn't in the limelight and all she has is her big fancy house and big fancy jewels to make her happy. She would rather try to embarrass her daughter and grandchildren but all she is doing is making herself look bad. Tori... keep your head up and keep on trudging through! You are genuine and beautiful!

1812 days ago
1228.

ToriLover18    

This is simply appalling. Disgusting doesn't even begin to describe this woman. She is absolutely VILE. I hope Tori continues with her life and just cuts ties with this pathetic excuse for a human being.

Also, for anyone who watches the show, her friend said it best when he said that Candy Spelling inviting Chelsea Handler over to her house was a hit below the belt. Any mother who welcomes a woman who publicly trashes her daughter is clearly a sick person.

1811 days ago
1229.

suzannemaryrowe    

Dear Candy,

Your the grown up, your the mother, you have caused your own problems. You will win the war but you will have lost the battle. Your the one that will grow old and be with people that love you because of your money. Money mean very little to both your children because they know it does not buy what they want. Before it is to late seek a minister, get religion and bring you daughter and grandchildren into spirituality, life is easier that way. Get away from the material things in life, show your daughter the way to happiness. Read the bible with a minister, have him teach you what to do with your children and grandchildren. The lord will truly lift you up. Show your daughter the way by acting like a true christian.

1811 days ago
1230.

Bonnie    

I'm a Grandma of 2! A 3 year old and a 1 year old. I could not imagen life without them. I could not even go 1 day without seeing them. How does a Grandmother not see her grandchildren. There is no excuse for this! Tori obviously wants her mother in her life, and her childrens life, but Candy is not willing to give even an inch! I can't imagen having a mother like "Candy". She does not deserve the honor of being called Mother! Tori, I wish there was a way to help you with this kind of pain, but I know no-one can take the place of your mother. But, you are doing an awesome job, Tori! You are a wonderful Mother in every since of the word!! From someone that loves her grandchildren, and knows how important it is for children to be loved by their mother - you are doing awesome!! Bless you for loving your children so unconditionally!!!

1811 days ago
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