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Lindsay Lohan in 'Scary Movie 5'

My Life Is

One Big Joke

12/22/2012 10:30 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

1123-sheen-lohan-sub-2Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen share the screen together in "Scary Movie 5" -- and while you think they'd each get made fun of equally, TMZ has learned the majority of the jokes come at LiLo's expense ... and boy do they have a lot of material to work with. 

TMZ has seen the working script for "SM 5" (don't worry we won't give too much away) and it starts with LiLo and Charlie in bed making a sex tape (obviously, what else?). As they get started Lindsay tells Charlie, "Okay but let's do this quick, I got a court hearing in the morning ... It's a driving mishap thing."

CHARLIE: "Promise me you won't drive."
LINDSAY: "That's very sweet. You're worried about me behind the wheel."
CHARLIE: "I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian."

But wait there's more ...

As things start to get hot and heavy (don't worry they cut down the actual kissing!) Charlie keeps running into LiLo's numerous bodily devices ... i.e. her sobriety monitor, tracking anklet, and a dog shock collar for orgasm help.

Once the scary stuff kicks in -- and Charlie gets thrown across the room -- Lindsay SCREEEAMS ... but it's only because she's watching her own crappy movie, "Herbie: Fully Loaded." In the trailer (below) the joke got switched to her watching the news instead ... which shows her probation being revoked

The jokes go on like this for awhile until at one point Lindsay literally runs over Charlie with her car, tosses the keys to someone else and says, "You were driving." 

-- This is all from the "working script" (Hollywood speak!) ... so you can check out the trailer, but it's anyone's guess what made the final cut.


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The sad thing about Lindsays life is she has no one she can trust, people like her father sell her out in a heartbeat for money, her former assistant Gavin Doyle is selling her out for money, both invent stories for $$$. When her mother needs money its Lindsay she goes to and Lindsay gives her as much as she can.

Gossip sites like TMZ are scrounging around for stories on her, 99% of the time they are untrue or exaggerated, hounding a 26 year old woman is not attractive, its immoral and the affect it must have on Lindsay I can only imagine.

Lindsay always gives people another chance, how many chances has she given her father? one or two of her friends? and even her mother. Lindsay is trying to work, if SM5 is it then who are we to make fun of the movie or her. Good luck to her because if we hear anything has happened to her,TMZ will be the first to post RIP even though they are responsible for most of the hate.

635 days ago


Actually there, LIHO, I just thought of something. Before Scary Movie went making fun of your life there was another movie that actually made fun of and pretty much showed YOUR actual life. Anyone remember the movie "MACHETTE"? Her mother and her are doing internet porn, her father has the hots for his own daughter. She's constantly being pulled out of crack houses and her own parents are supplying her. The only thing missing is the pretty black and white wardrobe she puts on at the end, Meh.

635 days ago


Hey... Charlie looks pretty good... like his old self. I think he has gotten it together a little more than she has. I wish her luck, but she continues to derail herself.

635 days ago


Sounds like that movie may be a do***entary.

635 days ago


OH so tmz was reporting all this publicity for the movie which features their BFF LOLhan ....i get it now!

635 days ago


An autobiography would be a nice change of pace for her!

635 days ago


I support Lindsay but I don't blindly support her. She broke the law, her actions, her responsibility and was punished. The fact some of you don't think it was enough doesn't matter, that was the LAW, she wasn't given any free rides,in fact 2 judges were admonished because they did NOT treat her like everyone else, that isn't my opinion, thats fact.

If the judge finds Lindsay broke the law again then she will be punished. Let her be treated like any other person, not because of who she is.

My problem with TMZ is they hound Lindsay, in nearly one month Lindsay has been out in the evening ONCE yet TMZ have posted stories daily, sometimes twice a day and the majority have incited hate and/or criticism and most have been garbage, 2 lts of vodka a day, clogged toilet, storage locker being sold off, can't pay her rent, phantom script of SM5, ALL BS. Lindsay isn't the star of SM5, she has a part which lasts 2 minutes, why are TMZ talking about Lindsay? Ashley Tisdale is the star, its her movie.

From what I can see, Lindsay is trying to keep a low profile and TMZ won't let that happen. Enough is enough, for pitys sake let her be.

635 days ago


What a great plan, I was wondering why we are hearing soo much about scary movie 5 on tmz and now I know its because linsays in it. Was just waiting for you guys to mention the movie and link to the trailer and it finally happened ! good job more people know not to watch it now

635 days ago


Maybe Lindsay could remake What ever happened to Baby Jane-playing the Bette Davis part-she wouldn't even need makeup. Or how about guesting on Breaking Bad she could play herself looking for that great Meth that Heisenberg cooks or become one of Dexters victims-she fits the code right?

635 days ago


Probably already been said but the scariest thing about that movie is Lindsay's face. I don't know if it's drug bloat, bad plastic surgery or meth, but how does a twenty something year old look THAT BAD? I don't want to just focus on Linds though, Charlie looks like a pile too.

635 days ago


It used to be a joke, now I think it has drifted into the "tragedy" category.

635 days ago


Well that looks like one of the worst movies of the year.

635 days ago



3 Shot And Killed In Mich... 18-Year-Old Shot Multiple Times, Dies... Man Kills Wife, Teen, Himself... Man Shoots, Kills Own Son... Cops Shoot Teen Dead... Man Gunned Down In Parking Lot... 5 Dead In Spate Of Shootings... 2 Murdered In Philly... 2 Kansas Cops Shot Dead... Shooter Killed... 4 Die In Apparent Murder-Suicide... Lindsay Lohan Shoots Self In Lab!a…Ga. Cop Dies From Gunshot... Argument Leads Teen To Shoot Friend... Man Shot To Death... Teen Dies After Being Tied Up, Shot... Man Shot Dead In Street... Drug Deal Leads To Shooting Death... Mother Of 2 Killed In Road Rage Shooting... Man Shoots, Kills Intruder... 1 Killed In Coney Island... Man Dies From Gunshot Wounds... Cops Investigate Gun Death... Shooting Victim's Body Found On Bike Trail... Man Charged With Shooting Own Brother Dead... Man Dies After Being Shot In Chest... Body Of Shooting Victim Found In Pickup... Teen Arrested For Robbery Shooting Death... Man Carrying 2-Year-Old Son Shot Dead... Man Fatally Shot Near Home... Parolee Dies In Shooting... 1 Killed In Buffalo Shooting... Man Shot Dead In Apartment Complex... Street Gun Battle Kills Grandma Bystander... Man, Woman Dead In Apparent Murder-Suicide... Woman Shot Dead By Intruder... 14-Year-Old Arrested Over Fatal Gun Attack... Man Found Shot Dead In Parking Lot... Woman Shot In Face By Ex-Boyfriend... 1 Woman, 3 Men Shot Dead... 2 Die In Attempted Robbery... Army Reservist Shot To Death In Alley... Man Shot To Death In Bodega... 2 Shot Dead In Burned House... Man Shot During Break-In... Man Fatally Shot... 20-Year-Old Gunned Down... Man Shoots Self During Police Pursuit... 1 Killed In Baltimore Shooting... Cops ID Shooting Victim... 60-Year-Old Man Shot Dead...

635 days ago


What would TMZ do without Lindsay. I think tmz would not be around if it was not for Lindsay. Hey Lindsay. What does not Kill you will make you Stronger.

635 days ago



When she feels bad, she takes something for it!

635 days ago
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