The View

Elisabeth and Joy began their sparring when Joy criticized President Bush and his lieutentants for "making hay" out of Sen. Kerry's remarks on Monday when he suggested to group of students that a poor education would lead to their being "stuck in Iraq," offending troops and politicians everywhere (Kerry said yesterday that he mishandled a joke, and meant to criticize the Bush administration.)

That persistently doctrinaire right-wing political thinker Elisabeth jumped all over Kerry (and Joy), equating the Senator to "Mel Gibson without the booze," slamming his flip-flops, and then defended President Bush for his "higher IQ" and "better grades" than Kerry while the two were at Yale. Joy was having none of it, and the two exchanged a flurry of invectives.

The denizens of TV's favorite coffeeklatsch, joined by former morning-show diva Kathie Lee Gifford, took royal aspiration to a completely different level on their Halloween show and dressed as famous female monarchs, complete Rosie as Queen Victoria, Joy as Queen Elizabeth II and especially convincing physical (and dramatic) impressions. Elisabeth played Marie Antoinette, and Kathie Lee was, well, Catherine the Great.

Talking to Rosie, Joy, and Elisabeth about her various plastic surgery mishaps over the past couple years, Tara tried to explain how a surgeon fixed her rather mishandled breast implants with the help of a blue piece of card stock. "Say this is a piece of paper," said Tara, to which Joy replied, "That is a piece of paper, Tara." The explanation that followed was no more cogent, mixing areolas and incisions and the paper into a weirdly incomprehensible jumble that had Rosie looking awfully confused.

Joy, as usual, saved the moment by comparing the procedure -- and Reid's explanation -- to an Italian family in Brooklyn.

Rosie told the ladies that she'd been cruising the Internet and that rumors were swirling there that Elisabeth hated her and was about to leave the show. Young Hasselbeck, wearing a suit jacket not seen since a Grosse Pointe holiday party in 1979, vowed her love for Rosie with one hand on her "View" mug and another in the air.

But today, it was Joy Behar who took up the fiercest verbal arms -- on the topic of Mel Gibson, no less. At this morning's Hot Topics table, Behar proclaimed, "I can't stand him," and suggested that Barbara Walters do a special called "The Ten People You'll Meet in Hell" featuring the actor, who recounted his DUI arrest and its anti-Semitic aftermath to Diane Sawyer this morning on "Good Morning America."

And she didn't stop there. Behar added that Gibson "needs to be taken out of show business," even simply for being a father of seven children driving drunk with an open bottle of tequila next to him. Oddly, Rosie, while not exactly taking Mel's side, adopted a softer position on the troubled star, saying that stars "are just normal people" and that they have their lapses. Elisabeth and Barbara, for their parts, were generally muted on Mel.

On a manic first day on "The View," Rosie O'Donnell took charge of the table, introducing herself jokingly as Meredith Vieira, showed off a bouquet of flowers from her friend Tom Cruise, gave away a cruise to the audience, and managed to avoid getting into it with Elisabeth, though she was almost provoked into a little confrontation by Joy Behar.

After assuring the audience, "I'm taking my medication and everything will be fine," Rosie made her presence felt -- and made nice with her co-hosts -- at the Hot Topics table. She assured Barbara Walters that she'll email her whenever she blogs about the show on Rosie.com (and teased her boss about her technological shortcomings), complimented Elisabeth on her newly-short locks (which Hasselbeck said she did impulsively "on a bad day"), and congratulated Joy on her daughter's engagement.

But Rosie being Rosie, she couldn't resist just a little spice -- she talked about having conversations in the bath with her daughter about pubic hair, looked ready to spar when Joy bizarrely ascribed a Japanese accent to Rosie's son Blake, and expressed great joy at the USTA National Tennis Center naming itself after lesbian icon Billie Jean King. But she didn't pontificate, and, all in all, the show had an energy that hasn't been in evidence in some time.

A heated discussion about the subject erupted on Wednesday's show when Barbara Walters brought up that the controversial morning-after pill was being considered for approval for over-the-counter distribution by the FDA. Hasselbeck became visibly upset while arguing the topic and was scolded by Walters for being overly emotional. The agitated Elisabeth proceeded to tear up her cards as the show went to a commercial break.

When the show returned from the break, Elisabeth was being soothed by a motherly Walters as they sat in each other's laps. Barbara told Elisabeth that she respected her opinions and Elisabeth responded that she respected Barbara' s opinion as well--and that she loved being on the show. They then hugged and kissed.