TMZ TV

Arnold Schwarzenegger's book skips about 99.9% of his affair with Mildred Baena -- so, it's time to play FILL IN THE BLANKS ... but from Mildred's perspective!

Alexis Wright allegedly turned her Zumba dance studio into a busy brothel -- which is really bad ... or really good capitalism. We're not sure ... those Zumba moves really mess with your head.

Paris Hilton is the queen of slutty costumes -- sometimes even on Halloween -- which makes this the perfect time to toss her a little, y'know ... inspiration. You're welcome, P.

Not since, "Wanna wash these?" ... has Paul Ryan faced such a tough question: Could a terrorist ever become vice prez? We really hope the candidate (and his armed security) got the reference to "Homeland."

A judge says "The Bachelor" doesn't have to cast African-Americans -- so it's time to celebrate ... if you're a Black man. Seriously, who wants to deal with 25 women constantly fighting and bitching?

Campaign tip for Paul Ryan: skip the kitchen chores, and stick to cute baby photo-ops -- 'cause no one's gonna give ya a hard time about cleaning them properly. Unless ...

'Honey Boo Boo' and her Mama June are making a huge splash in Hollywood -- by hitting their glamorous hotel pool and flaunting some good ole redneck culture (yeah, we said it).

"Big Bang Theory" star Kunal Nayyar didn't just marry a super hot woman -- he married one of the super hottest women in the world ... Miss India 2006! Nerds rule.

Plans for a new "Peanuts" movie aren't sitting well with the O.G. Charlie Brown -- which got us thinking ... where's the rest of his posse now? 3 words: Peppermint. Patty. Ballin'.

Just in case "Argo" isn't proof enough that Ben Affleck is back on top in Hollywood -- check him out dropping a cool hundy on the valet! "Gigli," my ass.

QVC guest host Cassie Slane passed out during a live show -- which is, apparently, no good reason for her partner to stop pitching! Pretty hysterical ... to everyone but Cassie.

Wayne Newton is in the middle of a bonafide Las Vegas conspiracy that might involve sex, murder, and betrayal -- and definitely involves us figuring out what the hell a wallaby is!

Kim Kardashian's hand tried to devour Kanye West's entire ass -- and totatlly overshadowed the fact she's mansion shopping with her with new dude ... while still married to the old dude!

Jerry Sandusky was sentenced to spend 30-60 years in prison for his horrible crimes against children -- so, he's gonna need some music ... for that trip up the river. Maestro ...

Ben Affleck spent years crapping out bombs while his buddy Matt Damon was killing it at the box office -- but now it looks like it's Ben's turn to feast ... in Hollywood, or his car. Whatever.

Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman's separation, on Columbus Day, revealed something unexpected -- Harvey needs a Christopher Columbus refresher. Dude ... 1492, ocean blue? Nothing?