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Prisoner: I Impregnated Kate G. & Octomom

11/7/2009 11:30 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

An Indiana prisoner claims his swimmers are responsible for Kate Gosselin's eight AND Octomom Nadya Suleman's latest litter ... and now he wants his supposed spawn to come live with him in lockdown.



In the most entertaining handwritten court papers you'll ever read, Jonathan Lee Riches -- who has filed many lawsuits against celebs in the past -- wants custody of the Gosselin kids, the Suleman kids, John Edwards' love child, all the kids on "ABC's 'All My Children'" and Bristol Palin's child "which Bristol kidnapped from Linda Tripp."

In the awesome papers, filed in Illinois, Riches claims he met Kate "at a Harrisburg Long John Silvers over octopuss" -- and when Kate went to a fertility clinic in 2002, his "sperm was added to the mix."

More awesome lines included in the papers:

-- "TLC stands for Torturing Little Children."

-- "Jon Gosselin is really a woman on steroids."

-- "I sued Black History Month."

There's much more awesomeness to be had ... JUST READ THE PAPERS.

48 COMMENTS

No Avatar
1.

c.    

Hmmmm.....what part of Illinois is INDIANA in? Just curious.

1706 days ago
2.

excretive producer    

He'll never go from rags to riches.

1725 days ago
3.

chris_lerat_1235    

haha someone has alotta time on their hands

1725 days ago
4.

midi    

kate who hates 8 is currently hanging out at the casino in windsor, ontario, canada.

1725 days ago
5.

Amanda    

What? He doesn't want MJ's kids, too? Must be an underachiever!

1725 days ago
6.

excretive producer    

One man's family.....*crickets*

1725 days ago
7.

LMAO    

I can NOT believe someone actually stamped this crap. THAT is way more funny then this insane nutjobs claims.
I must admit, it is funny though. G1 TMZ.

1725 days ago
8.

god forbid you end up in an accident or in the hospital!    

Nick...he's in jail! of course he has time on his hands!

he's probably too crazy to be someone's bitch for that matter

1725 days ago
9.

Tricky    

Oh my god, this is gold.
I would not mind getting impregnated by this guy, no matter how crazy he may be.

1725 days ago
10.

Just sayin'    

Yeah, because mental health issues are friggin' hilarious.

1725 days ago
11.

PurpleKalla    

WOW if i say i am the jackson kids bio mom will i get on TMZ home page too?

why and where is this even a news-worthy story, yay a creative writing moron. I guess if i want 15 mins that bad I can make stuff up and people will consider it something to garner everyones attention on! I remember the good old days where obvious attention seeking liars and money hungry story tellers were not given their 15 mins and mostly ignored (except for tabliods)......not anymore...

TMZ i am very disappointed to see that your standards are so low, definately lost some cool points...I wonder if you'll be reporting on aliens and conspiracy theories involving jon and kate, octomom and MJ too!

TMZ please do not become a tabloid!!!!!!

1725 days ago
12.

Anastasia    

And this is the kind of frivolous $hit we get pay for when mentally challenged inmates are permitted to file such BS lawsuits. INSANE! This REALLY, R E A L L Y irks me! WHY DO THEY ALLOW SUCH BS COURT PAPERS TO EVEN BE FILED???

1725 days ago
13.

tmzsucks    

The Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today, and my tiny little nipples went to France... The Whitehouse greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister, and I do the cha-cha, like a sissy girl... I lika... do... da cha-cha.

1725 days ago
14.

Joann    

What I can't understand is why the courts would even waste their time filing such ridiculous papers.

1725 days ago
15.

ASTRO KOOKY    

FORK

As a piece of cutlery or kitchenware, a fork is a tool consisting of a handle with several narrow tines (usually two, three or four) on one end. The fork, as an eating utensil, has been a feature primarily of the West, whereas in East Asia chopsticks have been more prevalent. Today, forks are increasingly available throughout East Asia. The utensil (usually metal) is used to lift food to the mouth or to hold food in place while cooking or cutting it. Food can be lifted either by spearing it on the tines, or by holding it on top of the tines, which are often curved slightly. For this latter function, in the American style of fork etiquette, the fork is held with tines curving up; however, in continental style, the fork is held with the tines curving down.

The word fork is derived from the Latin furca, meaning "pitchfork". The ancient Greeks used[1] the fork as a serving utensil, and it is also mentioned in the Hebrew Bible, in the Book of I Samuel 2:13 ("The custom of the priests with the people was that when any man offered sacrifice, the priest’s servant came, while the fresh flesh was boiling, with a fork of three teeth in his hand..."), however, it was not commonly used in Western Europe until the 10th century.

1725 days ago
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