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Prisoner: I Impregnated Kate G. & Octomom

11/7/2009 11:30 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

An Indiana prisoner claims his swimmers are responsible for Kate Gosselin's eight AND Octomom Nadya Suleman's latest litter ... and now he wants his supposed spawn to come live with him in lockdown.



In the most entertaining handwritten court papers you'll ever read, Jonathan Lee Riches -- who has filed many lawsuits against celebs in the past -- wants custody of the Gosselin kids, the Suleman kids, John Edwards' love child, all the kids on "ABC's 'All My Children'" and Bristol Palin's child "which Bristol kidnapped from Linda Tripp."

In the awesome papers, filed in Illinois, Riches claims he met Kate "at a Harrisburg Long John Silvers over octopuss" -- and when Kate went to a fertility clinic in 2002, his "sperm was added to the mix."

More awesome lines included in the papers:

-- "TLC stands for Torturing Little Children."

-- "Jon Gosselin is really a woman on steroids."

-- "I sued Black History Month."

There's much more awesomeness to be had ... JUST READ THE PAPERS.

48 COMMENTS

No Avatar
16.

stella2010    

OMG! hope this prisoner never gets out..No respect for the children for him to file those papers...

1812 days ago
17.

Julie    

This guy has filed over 1,000 lawsuits and even named in the Guiness Book of World Records for most litiguis person. People think this kind of stuff is funny. He can waste tax payers money filling these stupid lawsuits while our country is in debt up to it's eyeballs. Isn't anyone smart enough in these courthouses to say NO to him going forward with these lawsuits. The guy in is prison for fraud that should have been first clue he is a liar. It is stuff like this that makes me understand why our economy and country is so screwed up we will never get out.

1812 days ago
18.

Your SM Girlfriend    

Harvey, these damn lawyers *cough*cough* will do anything for a buck won't they? This is funny as hell though. It's about time someone put some levity into these trashy situations.

1812 days ago
19.

Kate    

We talked about this guy in my law school Civil Procedure class. Just google him. He's epic. He sued Hurricane Katrina once.

1812 days ago
20.

Kate    

Re #21 Do your research before you condemn a profession. He's not a lawyer. He's in a federal prison. This is what he does with his spare time- he learns about the court system and files ridiculous hand-written lawsuits. He's banned from a few dockets.

1812 days ago
21.

element2003    

this bitch is nuts...

1811 days ago
22.

notalawyer    

did i read it right that Kevin Costner was his body guard? and that ABC's "All my children" were his children?
You guys were right, this was PURE AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

1811 days ago
23.

Spyder    

This shows one of the best reasons that kids should NOT be on reality shows. Those kids need privacy to grow up, not to be tageted by strangers who are nuts. Thankfully this dude is under lock and key, but who knows what the next nutjob would or could do to these exposed children.... its just not a safe thing to do...

1811 days ago
24.

Wagner    

father.of.the.year.

1811 days ago
25.

Djaina    

I confess!! I too have the children of this man! He met me while on a retreat on Mars and we had a tumultuous affair with another man with 14 legs and his wife who had three breasts. *sigh* I must turn all of my Foodland coupons into him now to pay for the damages I have visited upon him! Oh the humanity!

;p

1811 days ago
26.

Jessica    

If TLC was smart they would cancel that "Gosselin" show and do one on this guy. He is way more interesting and has more credibility than either Jon or Kate.


TLC stands for Torturing Little Children.........very f*ing funny.

1811 days ago
27.

Anna    

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh wonder if he will pitch the idea for a reality show?

1811 days ago
28.

Ha THE TEACHER was taught a lesson    

No wonder the Gosselin's have bodyguards, they need them for the kids and to protect Kate from deranged people like this loon.

1811 days ago
29.

Ha THE TEACHER was taught a lesson    

Jon Gosselin is an INFAMOUS LAMEFISH! He created the title for himself, all on his own. WEAR IT PROUDLY INFAMOUS LAMEFISH!

1811 days ago
30.

Balls has no Balls    

No balls at all!

1811 days ago
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