'He's Absolutely Loony'
The comedian nearly got his ass arrested earlier last week when -- according to the 911 caller -- he drunkenly barreled into her L.A. home in the middle of the night.
We're told the victim didn't want to press charges and cops simply drove Andy home.
The upside for Dick? The caller thought he was a "well-to-do ... rich white man." No joke. You gotta hear it.