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Mel to Oksana -- 'I Could Commit a Crime'

9/22/2010 10:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Mel Gibson wrote a frantic, rambling letter to Oksana Grigorieva a year before their infamous, January blowout -- in which he describes feeling so out of control that he "could drink or commit a crime."

Mel Gibson Letter

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter -- handwritten by Mel -- and in it he says, "I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control -- I need to do something about it something lasting -- not just a band aid."

In the undated letter -- which sources connected to the case tell TMZ was written in December 2008 -- he says, "I don't know why I'm so whacky and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life.  Please don't be upset I've gone -- I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you."

Mel goes on:  "I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you."

Mel theorizes, "Maybe it's some kind of male menopause -- or Brian's s**t."  We're told Brian is Mel's holistic doctor.

In the letter, Mel repeatedly tells Oksana, "I love you" and says, "...this isn't who I was meant to be -- I know it!  I'm scared I can't get back."

816 COMMENTS

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16.

Gene    

If you wanted the public to think well of you, and sway opinion, why would you even allow such an intimate letter to be exposed to the public? Nothing is sacred with these people, nothing off limits. This letter was written by a person in deep inner pain and turmoil, he was suffering, he distanced himself from her because he knew he was emotionally not good to be around her. I can bet she made him dependent on her, made him think she could handle whatever he was going through. But she had an agenda obviously. This letter is not only a breach of trust, but a set up, to show Mel has/had mental health issues and it is being used to affect the custody issue, as well as to show a pattern of instability on Mels' part, which could play in the DV case.

1402 days ago
17.

garnet    

Just to add to my post, the person I know who was taking anti-depressants is now alright.

1402 days ago
18.

kali    

Question: Do you really think the Judge is going to reprimand them for releasing this? Or do they follow this kind of press?

1402 days ago
19.

Fidel's niece    

Ok$ana,Oskanky, Toxana,
Oxymoron, Botoxana,Blowsana,
Okscammer, Drama Queen,
Ms. Chernobyl, Hoaxsana,
Creature from the Black Lagoon,
"666", Yuksana, HOsana,
Black widow spyder,Devil's spawn...
Just some of our favourite names for you.

I hope you burn in hell for eternity!

***TEAM MEL***

1402 days ago
20.

Gene    

kali, this letter is a whole different issue from the tapes, which is what the restraining order was created. The judge ordered a seal on those tapes, and then they were sold, I mean leaked and then Mel filed for contempt or violation of that order. This letter is just sick, has no merit other than possible being used in the custody case or DV case.

1402 days ago
21.

kali    

Thanks Gene...Its just so morally wrong imo.

I wonder if she is doing this on her own or thru the lawyers?

1402 days ago
22.

Sorntolc    

Two idiots (supported by other idiots) are loosing the grip of their lifes:

2009 April: Oksana announces her pregnancy.

2009 July-September: Mel engages with Violet Kowal during late summer.

2009 October: Lucia is born. Mel accepts his fatherhood.

2009 November-December: Mel quits Violet & threatens her to stay away.

2010 January: Violet calls Mel & he is busy keeping her away. Domestic meltdown process.

2010 February: Another Mel rant on placenta burial day. Oksana tapes Mel’s phonecalls.

2010 March-April: Mel & Oksana try to reach an agreement.

2010 May: Violet publish her affair with Mel. Oksana shocked & refuse to sign.

2010 June-July: DV & extortion cases are filed. Tapes & emails are leaked.

2010 August: Kris Herzog tries to force Violet to cooperate. She goes to the police.

2010 September: More dubious evidence is leaked.

Both parts should now engage some decent spokesmen & re-negotiate the whole matter. It causes too much pain for all involved persons & relatives to continue this fight. Both parts have to realize their faults & seek a compromise. And all supporters trying to whitewash one of the parts while putting all blame on the other side are only making things worse. It’s time to come to a fair solution.

1402 days ago
23.

Gene    

The more I think about it, and as I mentioned, I am now thinking this letter being released has nothing to do with PR, rather I think it is being put out there to show some sort of "cause" in a legal sense, relating to the custody and/or domestic violence case. But unless Oksana is just plain dumb, this letter can't be used because it has no date, it isn't addressed to her specifically, it is signed by a "Mel", but the handwriting is screwy. It is as if their are two separate writers who wrote this, or s split/dual personality wrote it. Often you will see this in multiple personality disorder.

1402 days ago
24.

gimmeabreak    

Yet more proof that Mel is out of his f*ckin' mind and a dange5 to himself and others.

1402 days ago
25.

ProudAmerican    

I fully support Oksana. That poor girl, to think she's been suffering under the tyranny of this evil NAZI beast, Mel Gibson. I wish I could have him strung up like Braveheart, disembowelled, and then boiled alive in molten tar. Mel Gibson is the face of evil, I hope he suffers a painful death. ****ing evil cu nt.

1402 days ago
26.

ProudAmerican    

What kind of man beats up a baby in her mother's arms? Mel Pigson is a piece of ****ing ****; she should NEVER be allowed to have children again. Hang him from the gallows.

1402 days ago
27.

Ariel    

Every time Oksana put something out to defend herself she looks more guilty. She more worried about her image and ruining Mel. She seem desperate. She trying to persuade public opinion as if it would help her when she goes to court.

1402 days ago
28.

Fidel's niece    

Ok$$$ana,

You are worse than a a piece of sh*t,
you disgust me beyond words.

I can see now why Mel said
those things on tapes.


Poisonous snake, slither back
under the rock you came from!


***TEAM MEL***

1402 days ago
29.

Genna    

This is only making OG look worse. No wonder public opinion of Mel Gibson is gaining with leaps and bounds.

1402 days ago
30.

Sorntolc    

@Fidel's niece: There seems to be a lot of suppresed sh't inside you. You don't help anybody spreading it around in public. Put it into the closet, that's where it belongs. And then try to go out into the world & see if you can find some love to lighten up your day.

1402 days ago
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