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A-Hole Pinched in Toilet Paper Attack

10/15/2010 11:15 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

The only thing worse than running out of toilet paper ... is when some butthole throws a roll at your head -- this according to a custodian who claims he's the victim of a vicious TP assault.

1015_toilet_paper_throw

Cops in Massachusetts claim the accused asswipe -- 55-year-old Allen Kerner -- will be summoned to court to face an assault and battery charge for allegedly firing a roll of TP at a town hall cleaning man because he was upset that the janitor was whistling on the job.  

The custodian told cops he was simply trying to replenish the TP stock ... and didn't realize anyone was in the can.

According to the janitor, the TP bandit tried to flee the scene after the attack ... but the custodian pursued him and Kerner was ultimately apprehended by police.

Talk about an irritable bowel.

22 COMMENTS

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1.

Chris    

You have to be shi*ing me LOL

1434 days ago
2.

CGS    

That is hilarious! Assault and battery with a roll of TP, is this a joke?

1434 days ago
3.

a horse with no name    

Speaking of ****........
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? "What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them **** in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird ****."

"It was my first day with the hook."

1434 days ago
4.

christy    

Seriously TMZ???!!!

1434 days ago
5.

Carvey    

Assault and battery with a roll of toilet paper? That's a stretch.

1434 days ago
6.

JLa    

That is what you call a M********!!!

1434 days ago
7.

Y do he got    

While whistlin what? up his tash? with peanut butter on his lippys

1434 days ago
8.

papprorattist    

are you sure? he`s not a school teacher stealing TP for home use?.What a brown noser thats why max never uses TP and while harvey is always smileing

1434 days ago
9.

Raejean    

I could go into how this story is so poorly written so that you can't really tell what happened or why, but nah! I'll just ask what the hell does this have to do with CELEBRITY JUSTICE?

1434 days ago
10.

tmzguru    

So who is the celeb in this story?... your losing it TMZ

1434 days ago
11.

sharon    

And in more " breaking news", Alicia Keys gives birth to her baby........

1434 days ago
12.

Get back to work!    

Ok, I give up. Who is the celebrity in this story?

1434 days ago
13.

Get back to work!    

Is it Snooki?

1434 days ago
14.

Katie    

Why is this on TMZ? Massachuetts is nowhere near the TMZ!

1434 days ago
15.

Y do he got    

LETS TP TMZ with USED TP...being a custodian is thuff...lets buy the guy some I pods?

1434 days ago
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