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John Mayer Negotiating with Aliens?

5/21/2007 4:00 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

John Mayer, newly busted-up borefriend of Jessica Simpson, was spotted in NYC today, ranting on his cell phone about an alien hostage situation and helicopters ... and about needing some pizza!?!

Obviously pulling the collective leg of the stalkerazzi, Mayer wouldn't answer questions about his widely reported split with the cleavage queen Jessica, but instead put on quite a show for photogs following him.

Mayer doesn't appear to be too heartbroken, but then again, he's quite a kidder.

29 COMMENTS

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1.

ketty (United Kingdom)    

I adore John Mayer and apologize for all of my other comments under the names of Ketty (UK), and Miss Disappointed (UK) on TMZ.

I’m emotional like most women who have been “slighted,” and only wanted to retort with a few comments. Life would be rather dull if we could not respond by expressing our emotions, and in my case, a regrettable set of comments.

I will always be in love with John Mayer and his mind, forever and a day….

Ketty (UK)


2563 days ago
2.

SMB    

I think you are a ass hole and make fun of Jess all you want it will come back and bite you in the ass..I cant stand JM.......I hope he changes his underwear as much as his Girls because they should be clean.

2525 days ago
3.

Chris C    

A September 2006 interview in Toronto's Globe & Mail, headlined "And the Grammy for self-love goes to . . ." Just about said it all.

2522 days ago
4.

Ketty(UK)    

FAO: Kate

Firstly, I've seen so many great comedians, and secondly I worked in first class cabaret venues, both as a vocalist and in another capacity, together with first class British comedians who topped the bill in the same club as myself. I've performed in the same cabaret nightclubs as Bob Monkhouse, Tom O'Connor, and Lenny Windsor, to name but a few absolutely brilliant British comedians, who all had an extremely professional and highly polished act.

John Mayer should keep his crass and corny jokes for his pals at the local pub. He is an absolutely appalling comedian and always will be, and certainly can't be compared with Lee Evans, a superb British comedian with excellent timing, and without a shadow of doubt John Mayer will never be a world class entertainer, or first class performer like Sebastian Maniscalco.

John Mayer spent a great deal of time insulting people like myself and others on Myspace and on his own blogs, so now it is time for a taste of his own medicine. I never forgive or forget the appalling way people or organisations treat me, and for me, time is not a great healer - because I don’t have to forget, nor will I ever forget the way people treated me yesterday or even 30 years ago for that matter.

I have previously made comments about John Mayer under the names of: Miss Disappointed and Ketty Katz (UK), although they’re not just comments, they are the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth – thankyou very much.

Ketty Katz (UK)

2607 days ago
5.

Melnski    

JOHN, IF YOU READ THIS, I WANT TO INVITE YOU TO "COME" OVER TO THE DARK SIDE! I OVERSTAND THAT YOU MUST KEEP WITH THE STATUS QUO ALL OF THAT NONSENSE, BUT I PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I WOULD LOVE TO TASTE THOSE LIPS! MY GOD MAN! I dont have big horse teeth, so I wont catch your soft, sweet skin in my teeth. I promise. I WILL MAKE GRAVITY WORK FOR YOU AND AFTER YOU C$M YOU WONT TO LET IT BRING YOU DOWN: TWICE AS MUCH. I SAY TO HELL WITH WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING ABOUT YOUR COMEDY....WE LIBRAS HAVE SENSE OF HUMOR THAT SOME OF A SMALL FEW ACTUALLY GET, SO IN THAT, I CAN FEEL YOUR FRUSTRATION. KEEP AT IT. F$$K 'EM ALL. I LOVE YOU HAIR. I CAN SEE YOU SWEET FACE NOW. I DID LIKE THE LONGER HAIR. SAW SOME REALL AMAZING PIX AMD YOU KNOW YOU LOOK GOOD. I'M NOT GOING TO GAS YOU. YOU CAN MODEL WHENEVER YOU LIKE. THAT JAPENESE LINE HAS A GREAT EYE & RECOGNIZED THAT THANG YOU HAVE. ITS VERY JUST BENETHE THE SURFACE AS IT SMOLDERS AND THAT IS ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SMOKN' WHITE HOT TO ME. I LOVE WHITE BOYS ANYWAY. SAW THAT PHOTO OF YOUR BEACH STROLL DOWN UNDER...OMG! MY NAUGHTY PARTS ARE PURRING RIGHT NOW. YOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOU WORK OUT AND I SEE THAT YOU GREAT CARE OF THAT LONG DRINK OF WATER BODY. I LIKE YOUR V-CUTS AND THE LIGHT BABY HAIR ON YOUR TREASURE TRAIL, WHICH LEADS TO LIGHT BROWN MAN HAIR WITH JUST A SLIGHT TOUCH OF BLOND IN IT. I HOPE YOU ARE CUT. I HATE HOODIES ON THE ONE EYED BANDIT. ; ) EVEN SO, I CAN PULL IT BACK OR YOU CAN HOLD IT FOR ME WHILE I CURL YOUR CUTE TOES. I DONT CARE ABOUT THE RUMORS: I'LL BE A BEARD! SO WHAT! I WILL TELL YOU THIS MUCH, ONCE YOU HAVE MY BROWN SUGHA YOU'LL WANT TO BE COVERED IN MY RAIN ALL THE TIME. THE BONUS IS I'M CUTE ,SMART & I'M FUNNY. I ALSO MAKE MY OWN HANDBAGS! JUST ONE TIME. ONE! ONE CONDIITION: YOU HAVE TO GET TESTED FOR EVERYTHING. SERIOUSLY. ONCE THE CDC HAS CLEARED YOU, HIT ME BACK. LUV YOU BABY...

2603 days ago
6.

Kate    

Ketty(UK) -

I think you missed the point. No one cares. He doesn't care that you are offended. I don't care if you think he's a bad comedian. Heck, I didn't even know (or care) that he tells jokes beyond messing with the paparazzi; I'm only familiar with his music. John Mayer is not coming here and reading the TMZ comments. All you are doing is whining - repetitively - to a group of people who couldn't care less. If you want to gripe to John Mayer, write him a letter, post on his MySpace, post on YOUR MySpace, whatever. Just go away.

2597 days ago
7.

Jemima Puddleduck    

Yawn.....

2608 days ago
8.

Kennedy    

I love John Mayer and his music and he is so funny!

2608 days ago
9.

Beulah    

He's quoting Al Pacino in "Dog Day Afternoon." Awesome.

2608 days ago
10.

Kennedy    

LOL! Thanks John for your silliness. I enjoyed it.

2608 days ago
11.

me    

no hes talking to jess's dad Ill take a bus and a pizza before I take your slutty daughter back lol hahahahahahaha

2608 days ago
12.

Kennedy    

JOHN I LOVE YOUR JOKE, LOVE YOUR HAIR, LOVE YOU JOHN, AND YOUR LATEST MUSIC THE BEST!

2608 days ago
13.

Kennedy    

Congratulations for dumping the orange porn star looking Jessica. I'm sure it was Jessica looking like an orange porn star that made you reach your saturation point with self absorbed ditzy Jessica. And obviously she was not doing her job in bed either. Her big front teeth draged and it hurt.

2608 days ago
14.

Mandy    

John is the hottest guy around.........and those LIPS........I could just eat him up!!!

2608 days ago
15.

kass    

i bet ur still with that bimbo!!!! i wish u would do us all a favor and nail her already... and get rid of her dumb ass.....and become a legit musican again.... before she rubs her no talent ass all over u and u become talentless ur self...

2608 days ago
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