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Mel to Oksana -- 'I Could Commit a Crime'

9/22/2010 10:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Mel Gibson wrote a frantic, rambling letter to Oksana Grigorieva a year before their infamous, January blowout -- in which he describes feeling so out of control that he "could drink or commit a crime."

Mel Gibson Letter

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter -- handwritten by Mel -- and in it he says, "I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control -- I need to do something about it something lasting -- not just a band aid."

In the undated letter -- which sources connected to the case tell TMZ was written in December 2008 -- he says, "I don't know why I'm so whacky and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life.  Please don't be upset I've gone -- I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you."

Mel goes on:  "I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you."

Mel theorizes, "Maybe it's some kind of male menopause -- or Brian's s**t."  We're told Brian is Mel's holistic doctor.

In the letter, Mel repeatedly tells Oksana, "I love you" and says, "...this isn't who I was meant to be -- I know it!  I'm scared I can't get back."

816 COMMENTS

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1.

Alcamedes    

Hmmm, I wonder if this is due to his seperation from Robyn and the turmoil he'd have been dealing with after seperating from 28 years of marriage. That's a long time to be with someone and then to have it end would be hard. I could see it being difficult for them both.

1461 days ago
2.

misssahara    

O-o-o-o!!!! First were tapes, then emails, voice mess and now - letters!!! Oksa! Don't try to assure public, that Mel is mad! Otherwise You defame yourself! You slept with sick (!!!) guy for 3 years, used his money on your mean music career and at the end gave birth to a baby from him! Where's logic??

1461 days ago
3.

beachgal    

Mel is violent and dangerous. She may be a gold digger but she hasn't knocked anyone's teeth I mean veneers out of their mouth or hatefully denigrated every race under the sun and women, too.

1461 days ago
4.

nancy    

somebody going to this red carpet event in the hollywood hills ?
lots of celebs there i heard ...here's more info: http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=145096248858738&ref=ts

1461 days ago
5.

Gene    

Can't sleep, so I came here and what do I see? Wow, how can someone be so cruel as to take something written to them in private, which obviously was meant to be kept private and expose it to the whole world? What kind of person does this? Does she hate Mel so much that she will allow every single aspect of their short affair to made public, even the most private of details? No wonder he couldn't trust her, no wonder he went crazy. She knew he was in spiritual/emotional and mental pain, going through a difficult time in his life, and she used it to her advantage. No doubt she made him believe she was his friend, that she understood him and was someone he could trust, he fell in love, and then the real person, the person who exposes intimate letters to the public, this is the person he came to know. Imagine the feeling of betrayal he felt and feels. She knew of his problems, and I now think she used them to get to where she is now, trying to get big money out of him. Sick. Sick, Sick.

1461 days ago
6.

kali    

Your new lawyers seem to be a slimy as you are Ox.

Repulsive and NOT making you look better.

1461 days ago
7.

sam    

a letter by a person suffering from depression.

musings

this ridiculous outrageous leaking is appalling.

sometimes i feel like i could commit a crime to.

i like the fact he is a letter writer. its therapeutic.

yes the man used to drink. he could be depressed an angry/conflicted because he let down his family. i am certain he had some guilt about that.

this letter means nothing.

1461 days ago
8.

kali    

Gene she just wants lots and lots of $$$$$.

1461 days ago
9.

Fidel's niece    

Who the f*ck is releasing this???
Ok$ana and her new PR team!

Does she and her PR team think this
will bring her sympathy and change
the public opinion of her?

She is now even MORE disgusting.
A disgusting, manipulating,gold digger and a whore.
Totally despicable.

Next, she will sell this letter on E bay!

I hope you burn in hell for eternity, bitch!


***TEAM MEL***

1461 days ago
10.

Anne    

I refuse to click on the link to read the whole letter.

This is like peeping through keyholes and panty-sniffing.

What does this serve her Grigorieva's professed desire to protect her daughter. Nothing. Grigorieva is an exceptionally unethical, destructive person, and it's unfortunate that the media gives her a forum for her poisonous actions.

1461 days ago
11.

wondering    

that letter could have been written to someone other than ox as there is no name in it other than brian...

1461 days ago
12.

wondering    

if this is her idea of pr war she is with each new item released looking more and more ugly and and venomous...

1461 days ago
13.

Ray    

Is this part of her PR campaign? Each day she is going to release something private? I am wondering about the authenticity as well.

1461 days ago
14.

garnet    

"I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you"
This rings alarm bells in me. Is it Oksana's personality bringing this on or is she slippinmg something into his food or drink? He is effed up and sick AROUND HER.

Another thing - just throwing it out there
Was he on some medication - like antidepressants? I know somoene who was prescribed antidepresants but when he took them late and when he stopped altogether, he'd go into episodes of rage. I looked it up online and there are patients who experience withdrawal sypmtoms including extreme rage that the patients haven't experienced or can't explain. Drug companies call it discontinuation syndrome because they don't like to say it's withdrawal. Some have to be remedicated for the new symptoms. It's awful. It's better to find other cure before taking them.
That's why when someone goes into out of character rage or rant, I'd wonder if the person has been depressed and are suffering from anti-depressants withdrawal.)

1461 days ago
15.

Alcamedes    

Well if this is part of her P.R. move, I don't think it's having the effect they are looking for. Another backfire to add to the list of gaffes so far IMO.

1461 days ago
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