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Mel to Oksana -- 'I Could Commit a Crime'

9/22/2010 10:30 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Mel Gibson wrote a frantic, rambling letter to Oksana Grigorieva a year before their infamous, January blowout -- in which he describes feeling so out of control that he "could drink or commit a crime."

Mel Gibson Letter

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter -- handwritten by Mel -- and in it he says, "I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control -- I need to do something about it something lasting -- not just a band aid."

In the undated letter -- which sources connected to the case tell TMZ was written in December 2008 -- he says, "I don't know why I'm so whacky and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life.  Please don't be upset I've gone -- I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you."

Mel goes on:  "I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you."

Mel theorizes, "Maybe it's some kind of male menopause -- or Brian's s**t."  We're told Brian is Mel's holistic doctor.

In the letter, Mel repeatedly tells Oksana, "I love you" and says, "...this isn't who I was meant to be -- I know it!  I'm scared I can't get back."

816 COMMENTS

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61.

Genna    

IF this letter is indeed written by Mel, and i don't claim to know why he was so angry in the letter...it appears at least to me that he was struggling in some way...it states, "he could drink or commit a crime" in this case, i feel he is using a metaphor? like i could say " i am so embarrassed i could drink or even kill myself" but of course, i would do neither...just an expression...just b/c he may say he could drink or do the crime means nothing to me...people do write things down to make themselves feel better when they see it written on paper...imho!

Posted at 3:07 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Who'sThat

-------------------------------------------

Absolutely! In a 1985 interview, Mel talked about what he tries to do to keep things light for the other actors on a tough shoot: "I have a very bad habit of saying embarrassing, goofy things. The next day, I could kill myself."

1471 days ago
62.

Sorntolc    

This PR campaign she has launched isn't to fight Mel...Mel hasn't said a word. It is to repair the damage she has done to herself.

Posted at 3:07 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Genna

Mel hasn't said much, but his "supporters" keep smearing Oksana in any possible way. With a few decent words Mel could ask these dingo's to calm down for the benefit of all parts.

And who is leaking things? Who has the control of these leaks? The tapes: Oksana? Perhaps, but perhaps some of her dubious "friends" did it behind her back. Violet Kowals confessions? There is a lot of guessing, nobody really know. She has been called to the court to give her testamony anyhow. Yesterdays emails? Probably (according to Celebitchy) leaked from camp Mel directly to TMZ, but who knows? The present letter? Nobody knows, TMZ doesn't tell just like ROL didn't tell either.

Freedom of speech, freedom of print, hard for the daily targets, so I really do hope, that they will soon come to an agreement to make this disaster cease.

1471 days ago
63.

Miss Q    

Oh that's very nice. How loyal of her. A personal letter from him to her and she gives it to the press for money. Nice, very nice...

1471 days ago
64.

fuddyduddy    

So this is what a PR war looks like?

I think Oksana is trash. Her attorneys are trash for being part of this.

I am not impressed.

1471 days ago
65.

Who'sThat    

As for apologizing, I think OG has taken things way too far. Sadly, she has pushed this beyond anything that is reasonable. The damage she has done to whatever career she had is complete. This PR campaign she has launched isn't to fight Mel...Mel hasn't said a word. It is to repair the damage she has done to herself.

Posted at 3:07 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Genna

i agree with you Genna...i would have felt some kind of compassion for OG IF she hadn't done all this damage with her idiocy with the prohibited release of the tapes and now the e-mail and letter...with her shameless appearance in her interviews denouncing Mel and her outrageous apparent behavior in hiring/firing of PR and attorneys just seem so audacious...whatever empathy i may have felt for her is far gone.

she did all of the above to destroy a man who is her daughter's father...what shame this will bring to Lucia when she is grown and fully understanding of her mom's behavior in all this and how quietly her father stood by as her mom made a complete utter fool of herself in all this...

OG's behavior and her actions are all so pathetic attempt on her part to be noticed and for what gain? for money? she is selling her soul for that to ruin the lives around her for her own gain...just so inhumane, it's deplorable!

1471 days ago
66.

fuddyduddy    

As long as that man was paying her money and giving her what she wanted, everything was fine.

I feel very sorry for Alexander. My heart goes out to him.

1471 days ago
67.

fuddyduddy    

And Oksana wants to sue for defamation?

What a joke!

1471 days ago
68.

txcn    

It's amazing how low someone can sink to make a buck. The man is bipolar and obviously in the depressive phase of the disease. He's obviously struggling with it, trying to understand it, fix it, and deal with the fear of what its doing, writes his feelings down and the bitch uses it to try and do I don't know what. Make herself look better. Get some sympathy, get some credibility. Man what a s*** sucker.

1471 days ago
69.

fuddyduddy    

TMZ...what happened to you? I thought this was the kind of trash reporting ROL was famous for?

1471 days ago
70.

Catnip    

This PR campaign she has launched isn't to fight Mel...Mel hasn't said a word. It is to repair the damage she has done to herself.

Posted at 3:07 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by Genna

Mel hasn't said much, but his "supporters" keep smearing Oksana in any possible way. With a few decent words Mel could ask these dingo's to calm down for the benefit of all parts.

And who is leaking things? Who has the control of these leaks? The tapes: Oksana? Perhaps, but perhaps some of her dubious "friends" did it behind her back. Violet Kowals confessions? There is a lot of guessing, nobody really know. She has been called to the court to give her testamony anyhow. Yesterdays emails? Probably (according to Celebitchy) leaked from camp Mel directly to TMZ, but who knows? The present letter? Nobody knows, TMZ doesn't tell just like ROL didn't tell either.

Freedom of speech, freedom of print, hard for the daily targets, so I really do hope, that they will soon come to an agreement to make this disaster cease.
******************

That's right freedom of speech and if I want to say what I think about this evil b*tch, I am going to do it! Mel can't say anything because he respects the gag order, unlike your Oinky and her friends. I am here to defend him b/c he can't and I am not going to stop! How dare you try and shut us up!

1471 days ago
71.

Genna    

@Sorn

I don't know what you mean by your posts...they are always somewhat disingenuous and inconsistent. Nor does anyone know what you mean by this, yet again, vague and erroneous statement about his "supporters" or "dingoes." Such a crude statement to make about nothing. Were you referring to Whoopi Goldberg?

Once again, you ignore the glaring facts that OG has crucified Mel in public with her own words. I won't bore anyone here with the ROL PR machine and their infamous smear tactics...and the fact that OG said nothing whatsoever to dissuade them; she did the exact opposite, and in public. Mel has taken the high road in this mess.

1471 days ago
72.

Who'sThat    

As long as that man was paying her money and giving her what she wanted, everything was fine.

I feel very sorry for Alexander. My heart goes out to him.

Posted at 3:25 AM on Sep 22, 2010 by fuddyduddy

honestly, i wish someone (MR. DALTON, R U LISTENING?) would take the boy to therapy (many)...he needs someone to talk to right now...he needs help even if he hasn't said so..what does a 13 year old know? it isn't right for this teen to suffer b/c of his mother...doesn't help to keep things bottled up esp at this age!

1471 days ago
73.

shirleyholmes    

I am totally utterly disgusted by this Oksana.

This Violation of personal correspondence is outrageous.

This low class person would sell her own mother for her benefit.

She is a nasty piece of work and has last all credentials

She has no integrity and nobody around her will ever

be able to step over these stunts and trust her

She is going to be one lonely old lady

1471 days ago
74.

Catnip    

My post was to Sorn....

Sorry about not getting his name in there. I was so mad at being basically being told not to comment!

1471 days ago
75.

igotfleasfromtmz    

a 3 year old letter , and still she has a spit baby even with the torment stated. They are hoping to get him enraged so she can have full custody. She is a faceless.
Extortion , now we are seeing what she was going to get paid to keep quite. Keep strong Mel and don't cave in. Don't even consider settling. Destroy her.

1471 days ago
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