TMZ TV

The wizard from Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" music video is now slinging his spells on the streets of L.A. -- and by "spells" we mean poems he charges money to recite.

Cash NOT required ... though it's appreciated since his charge card equipment sometimes craps out.

Bizarre things keep happening to Zac Efron and his beautiful face keeps paying the price! This time he says a simple sushi pick up somehow turned into a brutal fight with transients.

Oh, and this all went down near L.A.'s skid row. Not shady at all.

Khloe Kardashian's all bent over Ray J's penis and the fact it dared to star in a Kim K. sex tape spoof with Joan Rivers -- and now KK's getting revenge ... by pulling out on Joan.

Insert penis-vagina joke here.

Oprah Winfrey is hitting the road again -- sans Gayle this time -- for an "unprecedented" tour that promises to help you change your life forever! If you've got a spare Benji.

Alternately ... we offer cynicism for free.

Jay Z and Drake are making history with their new feud -- which has to be the world's first rap beef over high-priced art work -- and now their friend Rita Ora has to pick a side.

Yep, it's official ... Basquiat and Picasso are tearing them apart.

On "Scandal" Columbus Short tries to clean up messes -- but he's in the middle of a huge one in real life now ... after he allegedly "handled" a trash talker by knocking him the hell out!

Oh, and Columbus supposedly hit the guy from behind. Yep ... total cheap shot.

Johnny Weir's divorce was already nasty and contentious -- but throw a cute little dog into the mix, and things just get seriously sad.

Oooh ... and shoes. Lots and lots of shoes.

Aretha Franklin got everything for her birthday she could possibly want except for one thing. Okay, two ... sorry -- THREE things.

Not often you hear a queen begging, but that's exactly what 'retha is doing ... all for her talented spawn.

When Naomi Campbell says get out, you get the hell out -- or you might catch a phone to the dome ... something Russian model Kira Dikhtyar learned when she was kicked off "The Face."

And no ... tears won't help either. Naomi smells weakness and fear.

Rosario Dawson must be tired ... 'cause she's running around the heads of millions of Trekkies now -- after showing off her Klingon language skills.

Yes, it's an actual thing ... and yes, we're about to tell a story in the native tongue of those beautiful bastards (subtitles included).

No doubt, Kim Kardashian has the resume -- dated/banged countless Black guys, got engaged to Kanye West, had his baby ... but only now has she attained full blown African-Americanness.

All she had to do was sit down for dinner ... on the 2nd floor at Crustacean.

They said it would never happen, but George Clooney finally found a woman -- Amal Alamuddin -- with something all the rest of have lacked ... credentials that put his own to shame.

So, if he doesn't marry this time ... it's never gonna happen! Yeah, we know. It's never gonna happen.

Every winter birds fly south and smoking hot models -- like Paz Cornu and Karina Jelinek -- fly north to Miami Beach to tan every last inch of their bodies ... asses AND ass cracks included.

See, winter ain't so bad after all.

Juan Pablo is trying to lose the giant tool label he earned on "The Bachelor" -- but JP banning people from mentioning the show around him during a PAID appearance ... ain't gonna get it done.

Here's an idea -- stop appearing places, stop talking ... and we'll forget you much faster.

Emilia Clarke is totally pumped her "Game of Thrones" character was the inspiration for Madonna's costume for Purim -- which is awesome ... even if you have NO CLUE what Purim is.

Hey, any holiday that's Khaleesi-friendly can't be half bad.