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Lindsay Lohan -- One if By Land, Two if By Sea

5/21/2010 12:50 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF

Lindsay Lohan is asking for it ... if and when she comes home from France, because the judge ain't gonna like what she's about to see.

Beverly Hills' flakiest probationee got off a yacht in Cannes this morning -- at around 7:30 AM to be specific ... after a night of partying.

Sources tell TMZ Lindsay has booked a flight that will take her back to L.A. tomorrow, but who knows if she'll actually board.  We're told Lindsay is asking around for a private jet to ferry her home.  So far, no one is biting.

Lindsay is scheduled to be in court on Monday at 8:30 AM -- but we're filing that under "Believe it when we see it."

UPDATE:  Now this is the best.  Sources tell TMZ Lindsay and her pal got stranded on the boat because a friend took off in their car. We're told Lindsay wanted to leave hours before and only went out because it was someone's birthday.


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She doesn't have nice boobs like all the TMZ fans seem to think. In about another year (if she isn't dead) those sagger's are going to resemble two eight-balls in a sock, all stretchy with veins. Ughh disgusting. And to think that the Man-Thing Ronson AND Brandon Davis both noodled around with those beastie ginger breast....I can't even IMAGINE what LILO's rotting crotch smell's like! You KNOW that her filthy Y hasn't been properly cleaned in ages, and I guarantee there are millions of red dots riming that wretched squirt-hole.

1578 days ago


HOW is she even able to keep a straight face (oh the drugs, right) with all of these lies? I mean, you can get into one or even two or even THREE jams maybe, sure, okay. But oh, the passport's gone, oh! someone left us here on the party boat, oh! I fell into a keg and drank all the beer and breathed in to save my life and snorted someone's coke which was only there because I'm being framed... btw, WHO is that guy she's been with 24/7? Sleaze.

1577 days ago


Someone said that Lindsay " is a smart, young, successful Hollywood superstar"... Well, she may be smart, but her brains seem to be on hold recently. Getting less young by the minute and looking very old. Successful? Not recently, she's coasting on her reputation from her childhood and teens. Superstar? Hardly. She was good and showed promise in kid-oriented movies quite a while ago, not so much since then. She has talent, but she's not able to use it while she's using, er, other things. Can't get good acting roles if nobody wants to take the risk of you holding up production and costing the company loads of $$$ as a result. They can't even insure her as a result - such insurance is meant to cover them in case the lead actors are injured or sick or die; when you add on the risk of her just plain messing up, it becomes too expensive.

I doubt she really has a lot of influence in LA. She's a celebrity now only because the pap pests keep following her, hoping for a good trainwreck story. Note the gleeful note to these TMZ stories, they couldn't be happier that she's heading over a cliff. But she doesn't seem to be rich enough to seriously affect a judge, and certainly doesn't come from a family that is rich and famous in its own right (they are famous only indirectly, because of her earlier work) and so has no real connections that could be relied upon to successfully intervene on her behalf. Her "friends" will desert her fast, like rats deserting a sinking ship. Only family is there for the long haul.

Her dad, clownish though he might seem, is right on the mark when he says she has to get off the alcohol and other drugs in order to get her life back. He's been there, done that, and got the t-shirts. He knows how the addictions mess up your life and your relationships, because they did that to him. He can tell what she's into just by looking at her eyes, since he's seen the same in the mirror himself.

1577 days ago


Who cares if she had already purchased a ticket home? Last I checked, nobody was wondering if she "really had a ticket" - it was whether her passport was really stolen and if her excuse for not being able to get back was legit. Not sure about you, but I don't usually book a trip somewhere (esp knowing I need to be home by a certain date, and for COURT, no less) and completely FAIL to book a flight home. I have an idea of how this all went down:

4am on May 19:
Lindsay: "whooooo! I'm wasted and I dont wan't to go back to LA! F*ck that stupid judge!"
Random Person: "I have an idea! Tell them your passport was stolen and you can't leave the country. Then we can go get tatoos and go to that douchy yacht party tomorrow night!"

Mystery Solved.

1573 days ago
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