Royal Baby

Prince William and Kate Middleton are dirty secret keepers -- refusing to release the name of the future King of England ... and their subjects are pissed!

Well, actually a bunch of Americans with zero ties to England are pissed.

Here it is ... THE ROYAL BABY ... 's head ... and fingers ... so everyone can go back to their lives. Please.

Kate Middleton and Prince William debuted their infant overlord moments ago in London -- the third in line for the British throne -- and guess what? The kid is totally normal. Hooray.

1:14 PM PT -- Prince William's daddykins -- Charles the Prince of Wales -- has just released a statement on the birth of the baby ... saying, "Both my wife and I are overjoyed at the arrival of my first grandchild. It is an incredibly special moment for William and Catherine and we are so thrilled for them on the birth of their baby boy."

Also, it sounds like he hasn't seen the baby yet ... because he added, "We are eagerly looking forward to seeing the baby in the near future."

12:53 PM PT -- THE DOCUMENT HAS ARRIVED!!!! And it doesn't say anything interesting at all, except that Kate "safely delivered of a son" and she and the baby are doing well. Woo-freaking-hoo.

12:45 PM PT -- The medical document is currently en route!!! WHAT WILL IT SAY?!?!?

It's official, Prince William has secured his heir ... and millions of Brits just spilled their tea ... KATE MIDDLETON GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY!!!

According to Buckingham Palace officials, Kate popped at precisely 4:24 PM BST. The boy weighed in at 8 pounds 6 ounces.

After Prince Charles and William, the baby will become third in line to the British throne. Sorry Harry.

We still don't know the baby's name -- but we DO know he's got some iffy genes in the hair department, so we gotta ask ...

Prepare for the onslaught of new British Royal collectible tea sets, plates, shirts, hats, etc. -- 'cause the Royal great-grandbaby is due any minute.

The Queen's people have released a statement saying Kate Middleton is officially in labor at a hospital in London.

Hundreds of Brits have already taken to the streets to await their new master.

The Monarchy is still not saying if the new baby is a boy or a girl.

We know ... once Kate pops out the little squirt, a document will be signed by a member of the official royal medical staff and driven under royal escort to Buckingham Palace.

The medical document -- which will contain the fundamental birth info (sex, weight, time of birth) -- will be displayed on an "ornate easel" at the palace.

We're told the name will not be released straight away.

Stay tuned ... we'll have the news as it emerges from Kate's vagina.

Queen Elizabeth's hidden treasure is no secret to Dr. Marcus Setchell -- aka the Royal gynecologist -- who will also get under Kate Middleton's hood to deliver, arguably, the most anticipated fetus of the year.

No pressure, doc (hope that catcher's mitt is broken in)!!

If pregnant women were capable of jealousy, one would say Kim Kardashian and Jessica Simpson might be a little covetous of Kate Middleton's physique -- 'cause they're all due around the same time, and well, one of these things is not like the other.

The Duchess of Cambridge visited the Willows Primary School in Manchester, England yesterday ... and you could BARELY tell she was with fetus.

Kate's due to give birth to Prince William's baby in July ... the same time Kim K's due ... and Jessica is also expected to deliver kid #2 sometime around then.

Let there be no doubt ... Kate Middleton is ROYALLY pregnant -- and to prove it, she finally revealed her fetal protuberance while making an appearance in London yesterday.

A bunch of photos of Middleton's appearance have been floating around ... but this one really shows she's bumping along.