Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes

In this clip, Cruise receives an introduction worthy of a heavyweight boxer, and then salutes a picture of L. Ron Hubbard on a stage full of people.

It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Lawyers from the house that L. Ron built have sent a copyright infringement letter to the Suppressive Persons at Gawker Media to get them to remove their copy of the crazy Tom Cruise video making the rounds. All the letters in the world won't make it seem any less crazazy!

Gawker Media, which runs the Gawker and Defamer websites, posted the letter they received from a law firm representing the Church. In the letter, they allege the tape was "stolen from one its Churches." It probably just got scared and ran!

For their part, Gawker says they did nothing wrong -- and as of this posting, they have not taken down the video.

TMZ posted a few excerpts from it today. We'll keep checking the mailbox for our letter.

In the bizarre clip (complete with eerie "Mission: Impossible" music), Tom goes on and on about how Scientologists are the "authorities on the mind," and utters inside Scientology lingo -- like "SPs" and "KSW" -- code the Church probably doesn't want non-members to hear.

No comment from the Church.

When the KH-9878 Scientolobot™ arrived, its Sociability Module had not yet been uploaded, and it entered the Ed Sullivan Theater without greeting the waiting press and gawking public. Note its remarkable Wintour-o-Bob Cranial Headgear!

As the KH-9878 was properly configured, it demonstrated remarkable human-like dexterity with an ordinary pen -- not to mention a fetching set of "gams."

Watch the world-premiere demonstration.

Suri's mom was swarmed outside her NYC hotel, and instead of dealing with the situation peacefully, Kate's hired muscle went Scientolocrazy -- throwing at least one female paparazzo to the ground! Be gone, earthling!

Sources who worked with Katie for years tell TMZ that bubble-bobbed Katie is "barely recognizable" as the same person who married Suri's father in 2006, and that she "has completely changed." Indeed, if her spot on "Regis" today is any indication, it looks like she has morphed into some type of Scientolobotomized version of herself. She's "clear" all right -- of her former self! Hopefully, she's getting a lot of mad money!

The Scientolocouple showed up the Hollywood premiere of Katie's movie, "Mad Money," but Tom promptly hogged the spotlight to the point that people thought it was Tom's flick. Check out Mr. Spotlight Stealer.

The third Mrs. Cruise opted to be chauffeured to upscale shops -- instead of clicking her ruby red heels together to be transported. And yes, that is a purse, not luggage -- which no doubt contains all of the instruction manuals.

The two left the hotel, generating a snapstorm from Brit's adoring paparazzi entourage. In a move sure to make Britney even more proud, the Scientolostar let a "Y'all" slip as he said goodbye!

The thetan twosome were spotted doing some damage at L.A.'s Grove shopping mall. Suri looked to be in total control as her mom carried her through the outdoor shopping center with a bag full of kid-friendly goodies.

At 19 months, Suri has already been to California, New York, Germany, France and Italy. England is just one more stop on her quest for world domination.

The former Catholic wore some Christmas garland around her neck, while her elfin husbore accepted the Bambi award on Thursday. The Scientolostars were back in Deutschland, where Suri's dad has been shooting that Hitler movie. It is unknown if Suri was still being held in Germany.

Suri's dad landed at "TRL" on Monday, looking like his mom's Scientolotwin. Like mothership, like son.

Suri sucked the attention away from her famous parents outside the Carlyle Hotel on Saturday night, with the precious toddler holding hands with mom as they returned to the hotel.

Suri's father was there too -- refusing to take a picture with a waiting fan, nicely telling the guy, "I'm with my family, thank you." Suri in New York, why does it seem so exciting?