Nick Cannon Hints at Suicidal Thoughts After Friend Takes His Own Life

Nick Cannon seemed to have contemplated suicide ... calling 2020 the most "f***ed up year I've ever witnessed," talking about his friend who he says took his own life, adding, he was in "dark contemplation of continuing my physical existence on this planet," and admiring his friend who "had the balls to do it."

It's an alarming message, but not totally surprising. Nick's been called out from all sides, it seems, this week, after his anti-Semitic comments he made on a podcast, for which he apologized. Although Nick says he's trying to educate himself as he meets with rabbis and others, he's now being attacked for apologizing. On top of that, Viacom fired him from 'Wild 'n Out.'

Nick recounted the story of his friend, Ryan Bowers -- an up-and-coming rapper who Nick signed to his label -- who was shot in his own home last year by a San Diego cop.  Nick says Ryan was in a coma for months and Nick was by his side. Cannon says his friend fought hard, re-learning basic functions like walking.

Nick says on the surface, Ryan seemed to rebound ... returning to perform to sold-out crowds. But, behind the veneer, Ryan was hurting, whispering to Nick, "Everything still hurts."

Nick says, "I can't help but think if I wasn't so engulfed in my own bulls*** I could've been there for you when you finally took your life after several attempts ...F*** this place!! #CantWin #ForLosing🙏".

We have checked and the Medical Examiner tells us a Ryan Bowers died Saturday.