American Idol

Ultra Motorcycle Co. of Temecula, Calif. made this custom chopper for "Idol's" winner. Even though David Cook might want to use the vehicle to get as far away from "AI" as possible, he'll have the judges along for the ride -- their mugs are painted all over the back of the bike. (Sorry, but that drawing of Randy? A little pitchy, dog.)

And that itch in his crotch? Could be his predecessors on the "Idol" throne -- that includes Fantasia and Taylor Whatshisname -- are painted right on the gas tank.

He looked good coming out of dinner -- but less than two hours later, at the "Idol" finale after party, the guy was completely obliterated, just like Fantasia's career.

His one shining hope -- turning out like Clay Aiken. That's dim.

In the middle of Young's performance, the former Idol says cops pulled the plug, citing a "noise complaint." Yeah, that's pretty much just another way of saying "your music blows!"

TMZ moles say the finale will include a virtual hologram of Gladys Knight singing "Midnight Train to Georgia" with Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Downey Jr. singing backup as the Pips. Holy Nat King Cole! "Idol" did this last season when Celine Dion sang along side a virtual undead Elvis. For the record, Gladys Knight is still alive.

We're told the Jonas Brothers, ZZ Top, Seal, Bryan Adams, One Republic, Jordin Sparks and Carrie Underwood will also perform before David Archuleta (or possibly maybe, but not likely, Cook) is crowned the winner.

While Jesus and a chauffeur took the wheel for C-Wood in a Lincoln Navigator today outside the "Idol" hotel, her predecessor was left to drive herself ... in her shiny blue Toyota.

That's almost as many votes as were cast in the '04 election.

Screw Barack or Hillary, Archuleta for President!

Hope she doesn't base her decision on one of those imaginary performances.

"Idol's" Jason Castro lays low while flying high.

Freelance reporter Sue Facter tells us she sat next to Castro on the not one, two, but three American flights it took to get back to L.A. for last week's results show, and says the singer was super chill during the crazazy flight debacle.

After two brutal flights -- one of which included sharing food with passengers because the airline didn't have enough to go around, another ending in an emergency landing, Facter tells us the dread-headed singer didn't pitch any diva fits, and he was totally chill the entire time.

Just like the stoner he says he isn't.

According to a YouTube post (listen to our audio - the video is kinda wonky) put up by the pissy singer, not only was Danny not invited but he was told in an email that he could not attend because, "they were full!" Danny claims he had to call four different people before he was finally given the definitive kick to the curb.

FOX had no comment on the issue.

Also- check out Danny squawking at his mom at the end of the tape.

What a lovely shade of Detroit Hair Show red!

Jeff Archuleta, David's dad, showed up in the audience for tonight's "American idol" and made it clear -- he's pissed at the producers.

As we first reported, Jeff was such a troublemaker, he was banned from backstage rehearsals. According to our spies, on tonight's show during commercials, Jeff shot darts at Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe. J.A. stared Nigel down and was enraged as he watched the E.P. visibly excited as David Cook performed.

Jeff seemed chummy with Randy. The two bro'd out during several breaks. He hugged Paula two times and whispered something in her ear and she nodded in agreement. No interaction at all with Simon.

He's just hours away from performing live in front of millions of people, but 17-year-old "American Idol" wonderboy David Archuleta still has a few problems to work out -- problems of the high school math kind.

Sources close to the situation tell TMZ that David has been with his tutor on the set, gettin' his state-mandated learnin' on.