Penn -- "Dancing" Is a Comedy Black Hole

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Not even a Vegas-caliber comedian/magician like Penn Jillette can make "Dancing with the Stars" funny. Only Marie Osmond has been able to do that thus far.

Watch him make funny ... disappear!

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"Dancing" Stars Take to the Streets

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The show hasn't even started and the new cast of "Dancing with the Stars" are already whoring out their rediscovered fame. These "stars" were snapped left and right this week and in true Thirty Mile Zone fashion, we caught their best side!

Marlee Matlin Tangos with Paps

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Newly-announced "Dancing with the Stars" booty-shaker Marlee Matlin had nothing but nice things to say/sign to lady paps outside Joan's on Third on Tuesday. Girl power!

While the Oscar winner effortlessly communicated with photogs about her stint on "The L-Word" and "DWTS," her pal felt the need to point out that he had to interpret for her -- "because she's deaf." Say what?!

Shannon Is Ready to Rumba

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She hasn't had major shine since, well, we can't remember when, but now that Shannon Elizabeth is prepping for "Dancing With The Stars", she might finally see a rise in her celebrity. Or not.

The giddy actress excitedly talked about the show and her "Dancing" partner, Derek Hough. She's finally talking about something people are interested in.

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Who's Dancing Now??

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Who's set to cha cha and mambo their way on stage to become this years "Dancing With the Stars" champion?

The D-list may surprise you!

"Dancing with the Stars" for Hillary?!

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Producers of the "Dancing with the Stars" tour want to tango with Hillary Clinton!

TMZ has obtained a copy of the letter Jared Paul, co-producer of the "DWTS" tour, sent to Hillary -- inviting her to shake her groove thang -- on one of the next stops on the tour. Paul sent the letter after Hills told Tyra Banks in an interview that she might like to compete on "DWTS" someday. Depending on today's primary results, it may happen sooner than she thinks!

Hillary knows how to hustle for votes, but can she do the hustle?!

A call to a rep for Hillary Clinton was not immediately returned.

Partying With the "Stars"

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TMZ was inside of "Dancing with the Stars" judge Carrie Ann Inaba's star-studded 40th birthday bash at Les Deux on Monday where, remarkably, no girl-fights or shootings erupted in the parking lot!

Check out the pics of Carrie, her boyfriend Artem, and pals like Mario Lopez and Chyna gettin' their groove on!

Gimme New Boobs, Mario!

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Who needs Santa Claus when Mario Lopez is handing out implants?

The hunky "Dancing with The Stars" runner-up pimped himself out again last night -- this time to host a train wreck called "Boobs Or Bust 2" at Jet Nightclub in Las Vegas. Nice work if you can get it!

TMZ caught Super Mario burning up the dance floor with a group of pint-size Spice Girl look-a-likes from Beacher's Madhouse before one needy patron was eventually awarded $5000 toward a new set of knockers -- just for shakin' her half-naked junk in front of complete strangers.

Her parents must be so proud!

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Mel Blanket

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After a shocking loss on "Dancing with the Stars," Mel B didn't want to be photographed yesterday.

As Mel left her home, she was covered head to toe in a blanket -- and was led to her car by a male friend. Usually graceful on her toes, she wasn't having the easiest time waltzing from point A to point Mel B.

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Helio Dances Around Tough Questions

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Speed racer Helio Castroneves proved he can do a pretty deft pirouette -- when it comes to dodging questions about his love life, that is.

TMZ caught up with Helio at the airport in New York this afternoon, and he chatted up a storm! But when asked about getting dumped by his ex-fiancee and if he was more than dancing partners with Julianne Hough, the dancer-driver hit the brakes, saying only, "My personal life is my personal life." Julianne just giggled off all the rumors, hoarsely.

Meanwhile, Helio watched a fan mambo for him, and even got on the phone with the guy's mom -- but still, no dirt on the breakup.

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Ex-Fiancee to Helio: Lights, Camera, Split!

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Ooh, snap! The split between "Dancing With the Stars" champ Helio Castroramalamadingdong and ex-fiancee Aliette Vazquez is getting good!

Sources connected to the couple tell TMZ that the reason the duo split was simple -- Helio "went Hollywood!" We're told his newfound "fame" was too much for his longtime gal, who just couldn't deal. As his popularity grew, so did his ego! That's when Aliette alley-ooped and hit the road.

We're told she is much happier and "over him." Our spies saw her selling her jewelry line yesterday at the swank Biltmore Hotel in Miami.

We've heard she's waltzing on with her life.

Helio's "Dancing" Kiss and Tell

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Although sources tell us the two haven't spoken for weeks and Helio was well aware a split was imminent, "Dancing" winner Helio Castrowhatever went on the radio this morning and talked like he was still an engaged man. Pants on fire!

While TMZ was breaking the news of the demise of his engagement to longtime fiancee Aliette Vazquez, Helio gave an interview to ABC News Radio saying that his fiancee can deal with his cozy relationship to dance partner Julianne Hough because, "We are professionals." Hmm mmm!

Helio added that he and Hough just try to "make sure we have good chemistry." Too good apparently! As far as that big kiss he and Julianne shared at the end of their number, Helio said, "I still did like the kiss. That was awesome." Hope it was worth it!

Last Dance for Helio and Fiancee!

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Helio may have waltzed into winning "Dancing With the Stars" by doing a Paso Doble ... but the Paso Uno is what he's doing now!

TMZ has confirmed business executive Aliette Vazquez has broken off her engagement to the "Dancing" winner. Vazquez and the race car driver had been dating for more than six years and have been engaged for a year. "There have been a lot of rumors and a lot of misinformation out there," Vazquez's rep Howard Bragman tells us, and she "wanted to set the record straight."

Bragman told us, "This is a personal decision and I ask the media to respect the privacy of Miss Vazquez and her family. She has no plans to talk to the media, but reserves that right if she needs to clarify misinformation or defend her reputation."

Let's get ready to Rumba!

UPDATE: More good stuff! We've learned that the two have not spoken in weeks. And so you know -- this has nothing to do with partner Julianne Hough. It's just between Helio and Aliette.

Dancing with the SCARS

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Looking more like contestants on "The Swan," Wayne Newton (with his wife Kathleen), Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin were snapped at the "Dancing with the Stars" finale after-party on Tuesday. Looks like a rug isn't the only thing they like to cut!

They can move their hips -- but not their faces!

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And the "Dancing With the Stars" Winner Is...

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Who took home the coveted disco ball tonight?? Click to find out!

Fainting Spell -- a Fake?!

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Sources on the set of "Dancing With the Stars" tell TMZ that Marie Osmond's fainting spell was scripted -- to the point where she had a writer just off camera feeding her lines when she stood up!

Our moles say Marie has a writer on set at all times, prompting her with witty conversation. One on-set source says he was in position when Marie went down -- and didn't miss a beat.

And get this -- Marie, we're told, is seriously on the hunt for a "successful guy." We're told she's asking some highfalutin people if they know someone who's available. Marie is divorcing hubby number two.

Marie's rep tells us that reports of a writer on set are "absolutely false." "There is no writer on set feeding her lines," she says, "Her manager is there and we (her publicists) are there but no one is feeding her lines." As for a fake faint? Her rep says that's "ridiculous. Why would anyone fake fainting on a live TV show? That show happened during the wildfires and Marie has allergies, there was smoke in the air which was extremely toxic. The trailers for the show are outside the stage and she was breathing the air. It's happened before." And lastly, the rep says Marie is NOT on the prowl. "She's going through a divorce," we're told, "She's not looking to meet someone now -- she wants to spend time with her kids. Dating is the last thing on her mind."

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