Nothing Says Forever ...
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... like a pair of wedding rings that look like they were bought at a Hot Topic in the mall.
Best of luck to you, Heidi and Spencer.
Speidi to Procreate?!
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Just what the world needs... little annoying, blonde, jobless kiddies running around.
Right after the vomit-inducing twosome returned home from their elope-a-dope in Cabo San Lucas, they confirmed the rumor -- they're going to start a family.
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Speidi's Elope-a-Dope -- For the Love of Money
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Not even marriage is sacred to self-proclaimed Jesus freak Heidi Montag -- because it looks like her "marriage" to Spencer Pratt was just an elaborate ploy to cash in.
After MonPrat "eloped" in Cabo San Lucas last week, they sold their story and photos. And the joke may be on the publications, because the "marriage" was as fake as Heidi's breasts.
Heidi's Dad Didn't Know She's a Pratt
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Yeah, right.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the most perniciously insincere pair of people in the Western hemisphere, didn't even tell Heidi's dad they were eloping -- so says Heidi's dad to People. A) Isn't that the definition of elopement? And B) Guess what Daddy Montag had to say about what's next?
"Then we just have to have another wedding here!"
Police Serve Spencer Over Bad Plates
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For the 99.99% of you that hate Spencer Pratt -- a small victory awaits you.
The P-hole was pulled over in West Hollywood last week and ticketed for not having front or back license plates on his car.
Unfortunately, it's a fixable ticket -- all Spence has to do is get the tags and show the right people -- but he will be charged ten bucks for the screw-up.
It may not be much, but we'll take what we can get.
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The American Dream
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Did we say dream? We meant nightmare.
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Speidi LC's Audi Can Suck It!
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Heidi and Spencer showed up LC last night at her own party. You'll recall LC just got a $118,000 Audi. The Hateables one-upped that by rolling up in a Rolls Royce Phantom. We did some checking and were told H/S really did buy the car for around $400,000. Apparently, Jesus loves 24" inch rims. Chauffeur not included.
Jason Wahler's Prayer of the Hateful
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Clearly it's been a while since Jason Wahler's been to church, cause we're pretty sure prayers don't include the words "Kill Yourself." On the other hand, he's praying for Heidi Montag, so...
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Taco Bell Just Got Cheaper
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If seeing Heidi and Spencer working the Taco Bell drive-thru window isn't enough to make you actually run for the border, we don't know what will.
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Spencer & Heidi: Conjoined at the Brain
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Fame-whoring Siamese cheese balls Spencer and Heidi turned feeding the homeless at a downtown L.A. mission into yet another sad photo op on Wednesday.
Unfortunately, their condition is inoperable.
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What the Puck Is Jumping the Shark?
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By adding portraits of Heidi & Spencer to the A-list covered walls of CUT restaurant in Bev Hills, Wolfgang Puck definitely "jumped the shark" this weekend. Just don't try asking him what that means.
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LC's Roses Hate Heidi
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Flowers are the key to LC's heart -- especially when the bouquet comes with a note slamming her chestically enhanced, famewhore of a mortal enemy!
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He Doesn't Love You
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And we don't mean Spencer.
Springer to Speidi: Even I Don't Go There
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Jerry Springer said he wouldn't have Heidi and Spencer get married on his show because celebrities aren't allowed on. Wait, so what's the problem?
God Save the Pope from the Dope
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As if the Heidi and Spencer wedding circus wasn't sacrilegious enough.... Now she tells us she's hoping to score the Pope as the priest for her televised nuptials.
Will the divorce be carried live, too?
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Spencer: I'd Make Phelps My Bitch
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The thought of Spencer Pratt in a Speedo is enough to make anyone throw up in their mouths, but Heidi's delusional he-bitch says he'd take on Michael Phelps in the Olympics and win.
Do they give gold medals for douchebaggery?