With the line between beauty pageants and Girls Gone Wild now completely blurred, maybe NBC should have Joe Francis host the next Miss USA telecast. In advance of that tantalizing prospect, here are the finalists for the sparkling TMZ tiara.
Donald Trump: Apparently, last winter's squabble with Martha Stewart was only a warm-up. In what can only be interpreted as a delirious desire to prevent anything from soiling the January 7 debut of Season 6 of "The Apprentice," The Donald relocated this week to the Trump Glower, and hurled down an unbelievable stream of invective at the rosiest rabble-rouser of "The View." O'Donnell, meanwhile, has cut and pasted some rather unflattering Wikipedia info about Trump into her blog, adding that she will let readers know "if kelli leaves me for one of his pals." This is David Gest vs. Liza Minnelli on Viagra and estrogen, an East Coast battle that suddenly renders the premiere of tonight's new E! special "30 Most Outrageous Celebrity Feuds" moot.
Ivy Supersonic: Okay, it's not quite on the level of Rosie vs. The Donald, but we're still getting a kick out the wonky ways this hottie and hat-designer-to-the-stars continues to amp up her beef with News Corp. Chairman Rupert Murdoch. In case you missed it, Supersonic has been fighting in New York's Court of Appeals to prove that Murdoch's 20th Century Fox stole, from right Down Under her nose, the "Ice Age" animated character of Scrat. She isn't going to win the hearts of any would-be jurors with appearances like this week's disheveled Howard Stern drop-by. During the program, both Stern and Robin Quivers expressed concern about Supersonic's mental health, and a blogful of plaintiff well-wishers notwithstanding, Supersonic definitely came across as an acorn short of an iceberg.
Harvey & Bob Weinstein: A spokesperson for The Weinstein Company proudly boasted that releasing "genre films" during the holiday season is an unabashed company tradition. But following last Xmas' serial killer import, "Wolf Creek," religious groups are howling over this Monday's release of the Michelle Trachtenberg/Lacey Chabert slasher flick, "Black Christmas." The house that Gwyneth built is having quite the litigious holiday, what with Bob Dylan suing to prevent the brothers' "Factory Girl" -- featuring a Dylan-like character played by Hayden Christensen -- from hitting theaters December 29. One can only assume that on the first day of next Christmas, the Weinsteins will be checking the box office grosses for "A Pervert in a Pear Tree."
Bonnie Fuller, Janice Min: You may not know the names, but you sure as heck know the magazines. Fuller and Min, the respective Managing Editors of Star and US Weekly magazines, woke up Friday morning to the news that Vanity Fair -- after horning in on their Brad-Jen territory -- is apparently poised to be the exclusive first purveyor of Britney's K-Fed confessions. Then again, rumors earlier this year that Britney was going to pull a Demi on the cover of the magazine soon petered-out into a fully clothed cross-town Elle photo shoot. Now, with the Jen-fronted September 2006 issue of Vanity Fair ranking as the magazine's all-time bestseller, and Britney potentially set for a new '07 mark, it could be only a matter of time before K-Fed sits down with Charlie Rose for the full hour.
Robert DeNiro: Speaking of horning in on someone's territory, the month of December is supposed to be a time of highbrow Oscar contenders, not low-level Stallone sequels. Meanwhile, as you read this, "Rocky Balboa," in 2,752 theaters, is applying a surprising box-office knockout punch to the Raging Bull's second directorial effort, "The Good Shepherd," is playing on 2,182 screens. True, any movie that has Angelina Jolie as its significant other, rather than Burt Young, can't be considered a total loss (she is simply ravishing in glossy red lipstick and lace summer dress). Although DeNiro was only joking when he said at a Tuesday L.A. screening that the CIA had funded his film, a part of him probably now wishes the agency could at least handle the "Rocky Balboa" exit polling.