War Machine penned a suicide note in his jail cell ... in which he paints himself as the victim as he recounts the night he brutally beat his porn star girlfriend Christy Mack within an inch of her life.
We broke the story ... War Machine tried to kill himself inside a Las Vegas jail cell this week -- a plan that was foiled by a corrections officer.
TMZ obtained a letter War Machine sent to a friend the day before his suicide attempt. It's shockingly delusional. He says after they broke up and got back together, "Something seemed different about you."
He then tries to justify the beating, by saying he was stunned when he discovered her infidelity, and saying "Finding what I found that night was devastating to me, more than you will ever know," adding, "not just the unfaithfulness, but the way u cared for him and protected him."
War Machine says in the note this time he'd let Christy's new boyfriend Corey Thomas beat him up -- because he believes she would have stopped the guy and kicked her new dude out.
He then sinks into a world of self pity ... "I still don't understand how I got into this mess. I don't know why this had to happen. My life was going so well." He then has the balls to say, "I forgive you, please forgive me."
War Machine is still facing 32 charges -- including attempted murder -- while he waits behind bars.
Lil Twist is Back
10/17/2014 6:35 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Justin Bieber knows trouble and apparently likes it ... because he's back with Lil Twist.
Biebs and Twist made a turbulent exit from Playhouse in Hollywood Thursday night. There's good reason why Bieber was behind the wheel ... Twist has already racked up a DUI arrest while driving one of Justin's cars.
Justin's people almost strong-armed the singer into cutting ties with Twist after a series of incidents ... including Twist speeding on an L.A. Freeway which ended with someone getting killed -- when a photog was struck by a passing motorist.
Now Twist is bragging on his Instagram, "Just like... that we're bak."
Makes Plea to Save Bus Driver's Job
10/16/2014 5:30 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
There's nothing Kevin Hart won't do for his fans ... including saving one of them from getting fired -- he just recorded a plea to the rental car company that suspended a bus driver who took a selfie with him on the job.
We broke the story ... Genesha Bradley-Douglas was suspended without pay after she stopped her National Car Rental shuttle bus at LAX and jumped off to snap a quick shot with Kevin.
Kevin is now begging National to put Genesha back on the payroll, telling the company ... "C'mon have some compassion!"
If this pitch can't save Genesha ...
Shopper Busted for Humping Toy Horse
Cops Release Victim's Pic
10/16/2014 9:19 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
These are the cold, dead eyes belonging to the victim of a heinous faux sex crime ... perpetrated right inside a Walmart.
19-year-old Sean Johnson allegedly roamed the aisles Tuesday and picked his prey ... a brown stuffed horse. Cops say Johnson then pulled out his namesake and pressed it against the horse's chest.
THAT was just foreplay. Johnson then ferociously humped the horse -- making his deposit and then wrapped the animal in a comforter he took from a nearby aisle.
According to the Smoking Gun ... an employee saw the whole thing go down and alerted cops who subdued the perp across the street from the Florida super chain.
He was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief.
This would never happen at Target ... too obvious, right?
Matt Barnes' Wife
Allegedly Forged NBA Star's Signature
... For Secret $150k Loan
10/16/2014 12:45 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Seems the "trust issues" in Matt Barnes' marriage may be coming to light ... because his estranged wife Gloria Govan has been accused of forging the NBA star's signature to take out a $150k loan ... this according to a lawsuit obtained by TMZ Sports.
The woman behind the lawsuit is Nina Rawls -- the widow of R&B legend Lou Rawls -- who claims Gloria approached her back in March and asked to borrow $150k for a TV project produced by Gloria and Matt's production company.
Rawls says she agreed -- but the loan had to be repaid in full just 2 MONTHS later. According to the suit, May came and went ... and Gloria (who stars on "Basketball Wives: LA") never ponied up the dough.
Eventually, Nina says Gloria ADMITTED that she forged Matt's signature on the loan docs in the first place. It's unclear if Matt ever knew about the loan in the first place ... but our sources tell us Barnes was completely in the dark about the alleged deal.
Now, Nina wants the full $150k back -- plus damages.
We called Matt and Gloria's reps for comment -- so far no word back.
NBC Dr. Nancy Snyderman
Ebola Quarantine Violation
Got Maid FIRED
10/15/2014 3:59 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
NBC Medical Correspondent Nancy Snyderman caused a maid to get fired ... and it's all because Nancy violated her Ebola quarantine by taking a drive to a local restaurant.
Turns out the chef at The Peasant Grill near Princeton, NJ -- where Nancy went last week to grab some grub -- is the brother of Vilma (she asked us not to use her last name), who works as a maid in town.
After TMZ and other media reported Nancy's breach ... people in the town panicked. They were concerned because Nancy and her crew were all in contact with a cameraman who contracted Ebola, and one of the guys in the quarantined crew went inside the restaurant to pick up food.
We've learned 2 homeowners who had been using Vilma for years freaked out because they feared her brother might have exposed her to the virus. So the 2 homeowners told Vilma she could no longer work with them ... until further notice.
Local health officials say they investigated and there is no risk anyone who was in the restaurant would contract Ebola. But clearly not everyone believes them.
Snyderman has never accepted personal responsibility, blaming the crew for the quarantine violation, even though she was right there in her Mercedes at the restaurant...
Not So Flawless ...
Said Her New Hairdo
10/15/2014 6:00 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Starstruck Bus Driver Says
Selfie Ruined My Life
10/15/2014 12:50 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Kevin Hart's soaring popularity got a bus driver suspended ... but she's telling us her passengers were on board with her getting off board to shoot a selfie with her favorite star.
Genesha Bradley-Douglas was driving an LAX shuttle bus last week when she eyeballed Kevin outside one of
She's now on indefinite suspension without pay. But she has an interesting defense. There was only one family on board, and papa bear was as starstruck as her.
So we gotta ask ...
NO POOP FOR YOU!
Co. Craps On Dung Burning
10/15/2014 12:40 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Slipknot's plan to stink up a music festival ... BY SETTING CAMEL DUNG ON FIRE ... just went down the toilet -- fire officials have officially pulled the plug.
The metal band had plans to fill drums with camel poop and oil ... then set them ablaze during its 3-day Knotfest Music Festival later this month in San Bernardino. The band's burning desire was for the stench to "infest your brain, body and clothes for days."
Naturally, county fire officials ain't having it -- but their beef isn't with the camel feces ... it's the burning oil ... which is illegal in Cali. Also, they say the odor of flaming feces could be considered a public nuisance. Ya think?
Bottom line -- the show will go on ... sans burning poo. A rep for Knotfest says they haven't given up yet ... they're looking for a safer way to get that camel s**t scent.
Take A Look At My Doppelhängers!
10/14/2014 12:35 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Sorry, Internet ... that's not Beyonce topless at the beach -- no matter how much you want it to be.
Photos started circulating Tuesday morning ... showing a woman who looks a lot like Bey flaunting yellow bikini bottoms, and nothing else. Just fully exposed whoppers.
However ... we've got an eye for this stuff, and dug into the archives to discover the woman in the pics is actually ex-Big Brother U.K. contestant Rachael White -- and the photos were shot back in 2011.
Ebola Tweet Apology
Not Accepted by Fans ... Mostly
10/14/2014 6:45 AM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
Chris Brown is not a doctor -- he doesn't even play one on TV -- and he's now learned to keep his mouth shut when it comes to important medical issues like the Ebola crisis.
If you missed it ... Chris tweeted this gem to his 13.7 million followers Monday morning: "I don't know ... but I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control. S**t is getting crazy bruh."
The immediate and furious backlash included ... "You're not a smart person ... at all," and "You believe this based on what evidence? Oh yeah, none" -- and "Why morons gotta be famous?"
CB conceded defeat after just 3 minutes by tweeting, "Let me shut my black ass up!" But the angry responses kept coming.
Here's the thing -- was Chris hinting that governments are targeting Black people with Ebola? Or was he just trying to sound smart and it backfired? In fairness to Breezy, more than a few people agreed with him. So, he's either crazy or just brave enough to say what lots of people are thinking.
NBC Dr. Nancy Snyderman
In Ebola Quarantine Violation
10/13/2014 3:58 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
It's shocking ... NBC News has dug an even deeper hole for itself in it's self-created Ebola scandal. Brian Williams just read Dr. Nancy Snyderman's tepid, vague mea culpa in which she never takes personal responsibility for violating the quarantine after being exposed to the Ebola virus.
As TMZ reported ... Snyderman and 2 members of her crew -- all under quarantine -- made a food run to Peasant Grill near Princeton University. Sources say New Jersey health officials investigated and concluded based on witness accounts that Snyderman was in the car while a crew member got the grub.
Williams just read Snyderman's statement on "NBC Nightly News," in which she says, "While under voluntary quarantine guidelines, which called for our team to avoid public contact for 21 days, members of our group violated those guidelines and understand that our quarantine is now mandatory until 21 days have passed. We remain healthy and our temperatures are normal."
She's kidding, right? SHE violated the quarantine, yet never took personal responsibility.
We have repeatedly called and emailed NBC News for comment but they have gone radio silent, saying there were "privacy concerns."
NBC News has taken what could have been a 1 day blip and turned it into a major story.
Arrested for Vandalizing
His Ex's Car
10/13/2014 3:29 PM PDT BY TMZ STAFF
"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" star Uncle Poodle was arrested Monday for allegedly vandalizing the car of his ex-boyfriend, but the love connection goes beyond just the two of them ... it's actually four people deep ... TMZ has learned.
Baldwin County Sheriff's officials tell us ... Poodle broke off a University of Georgia tag from the front of his ex's Dodge 1500 while it was parked last month in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
Now get this ... the ex was with his current boyfriend at the time of the incident. The two witnessed Poodle and his current fiancé driving away after the deed ... and Poodle's fiancé used to date Poodle's ex's new boyfriend.
Anyway ... Poodle was picked up and charged with trespassing and held on $1,000 bond. His hearing was scheduled to be held Monday afternoon -- at the time of this post, he's still in custody.