Asia Argento Anger's All That Kept Me Alive After Bourdain's Suicide

9/24/2018 9:06 AM PDT

Asia Argento Bursts into Tears Talking About Anthony Bourdain's Suicide

Asia Argento is breaking her silence on Anthony Bourdain's suicide … saying his death left a hole that can’t be filled, and anger was the only thing that kept her from taking her own life.

Tears streamed down Asia's face as she revealed her initial reaction to her boyfriend's death was anger. Anger because she felt he was "abandoning me, my kids."

Asia also told DailyMailTV -- in her first interview since Bourdain’s death -- her anger has now been replaced by an emotional hole that cannot be filled by anything. 

Interestingly, Asia's initial interview -- which airs Monday and Tuesday -- comes just as CNN begins running the final 5 episodes of Anthony's hit show, 'Parts Unknown.' 

What she says is also interesting because she had posted a cryptic message in the hours before Bourdain was found dead in a French hotel room. She was wearing a shirt that said, “F**K EVERYONE” and included the caption ... "You know who you are."

Asia's IG post led to speculation she got into an argument with Bourdain right before his suicide ... and there are rumors something happened that cut him to the core.

What we didn't know then is that Anthony paid $380,000 to Asia’s sexual assault accuser, Jimmy Bennett. One theory is that payment exacerbated an argument with Asia.