Pets

Sure, the canine is a sad substitute for a real man, but at least the dog will never leave the toilet seat up.

Rapper DMX aka Earl Simmons won't be looking to PETA for support when he faces felony drug possession and animal cruelty charges in Arizona.

The animal rights group has written prosecutors, asking the judge to throw the book at Mr. X, urging that the sentence include a psych evaluation.

Authorities say DMX had 12 pit bulls, all of which showed clear signs of neglect. They also found three dead dogs, buried on his property back in 2007.

This is his second run-in with authorities on animal cruelty charges.

We all should have known -- since the real Bigfoot resides in Malibu -- and responds to the name Brad Garrett.

Mathew Whitton and Rick Dyer showed two photos of the alleged Sasquatch, but denied assembled reporters access to the corpse until "scientists" could examine it. And by scientists they probably mean their fifth grade kids and their Fisher Price doctor's kit.

Something stinks, and it ain't that hairy beast in the freezer.

Mickey Mouse, Tinker Bell, Peter Pan, Minnie Mouse and Snow White were among 29 people arrested Thursday evening in Anaheim, Calif. when close to 1,000 ticked-off Disneyland hotel workers swam in the streets in protest.

According to the OC Register, the workers' fuzzy suits are in a wad because they say they've been working for the Mouse without contracts since January.

A rep for Disney says "We have a history of strong relationships with our Unions – and clearly we are disappointed that Unite HERE Local 681 has spent more time protesting -- to date 14 rallies – than the 11 occasions they have spent at the negotiating table. These publicity stunts are not productive to the discussions and are incredibly disruptive to the Resort Area. We care about our Cast Members --- and remain hopeful that we can reach an agreement that is both fair and equitable, providing Union Leadership is reasonable and realistic in its approach."

The bat-tatted one was cruising around Hollywood last night with his rented flick in hand -- and when he read the description, it involved the words "horse," "sex," and "ruptured colon."

It looks like Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" needs an exterminator!

We're told Coolio was in Rapid City, S.D. when he got bit by a rogue spider and had to go to the hospital for treatment.

His rep, Susan Haber, confirms Coolio did seek help at the local hospital but has since fully recovered. See what happens when you style your hair like a Tarantula?

It's a doggy dog world people.

Martin Lawrence's gone and gotten goosed -- literally.

This is no joke. The squawking birds have overrun the funnyman's Virginia farm and he's gone to serious lengths to deal with them. One neighbor tells TMZ Lawrence is trying to get rid of them the old-fashioned way -- with a gun.

But Martin's peeps tell us a different story -- that Martin isn't gunning for the geese at all and that he's trying to take care of the problem as "humanely" as possible.

She issued us the following statement:

Crime scene investigators identified the swamp thing as rehabbed star Gary Dourdan.

Unfortunately, there was no explaining his repugnant choice in swimwear.

Why would he do this, you ask? Well, now that the kid is out in the open, the paps have just lost their incentive to follow him and cash in on an exclusive shot. And baby momma Ryan holds the baby and jokes the baby pics are now worthless.

Now Ethan Hawke is free to lead a life of peace with Chicken Hawke.

With Britney out of commission, the eldest Kardashian kept her spirit alive, flashing her underwear while lunching in NYC on Tuesday.

Of course, if she really wanted to pay tribute to Britney, she'd go commando.