Tom Cruise Is the Devil?
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Besides boasting about what a great actor he thinks he is, Tom Cruise may be trying to tell us something else with the launch of his official website -- he's Satan! Scientolo-what?!
Like an endless masturbation session, Tom's new official site features an interminable video with scenes from his films of the last 25 years -- minus the forgettable 1983 teen sex comedy "Losin' It" -- set to "Also sprach Zarathustra" the devilish themed song from "2001: A Space Odyssey" and the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil." Perhaps Lucifer was a fan of "Dianetics," too.
Also missing from the site, Tom's couch jumping incident, the Matt Lauer interview and that Scientolocrazy video.
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Cruise Puts Crazy on Hold for Cancer Victim
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The manic antics surrounding Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were suddenly subdued when the mother of a two-year-old cancer victim ambushed them for support outside their New York hotel.
Tom was anything but glib while listening to the woman's story.
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Tom Cruise Out With His Other Kids
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Scientolodad Tom Cruise took Nicole Kidman's children, Connor and Isabella ('memba them?), to catch daddy's good friend David Beckham play for the L.A. Galaxy on Saturday.
Katie and Suri got the day off.
Suri's Two -- Thanks Xenu!
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Lil' Suri and a few close Thetan tots celebrated her second b-day yesterday, as Scientolomom Katie Holmes and her controlling devoted hubby Tom Cruise watched -- making sure the kiddies didn't try to make a run for it.
The party was held at a Hollywood Hills mansion ... it's rumored to be used by the Church of Scientology as a retreat.
Katie Holmes: Rescue Me!
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It took three Beverly Hills Cops -- and one annoying, blaring siren -- to give Scientolowife Katie Holmes a safe, three-foot passage to her SUV outside The Grill yesterday.
That's some well spent tax dollars right there!
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Dawson Under Scientology's Spell?
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James Van Der Beek wasn't thrilled to be bombarded with questions about more newsworthy former co-stars Katie Holmes and Michelle Williams -- keeping 100% silent on Tom Cruise's young love.
What'd he expect them to ask about? His lack of career?
Will Smith I Am (Not) Scientologist!
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Will Smith says just because he's a Friend of Tom doesn't mean he's a Scientologist ... not that there's anything wrong with that.
Smith tells Rush & Molloy, "You don't have to be Jewish to be a friend of Steven Spielberg. You don't have to be a Muslim to be a friend of Muhammad Ali. And you don't have to be a Scientologist to be a friend of Tom Cruise." So what is Smith, anyway? "I am a Christian. I am a student of all religions."
Will made the public pronouncement to refute allegations in a recent Radar magazine story that he and wife Jada Pinkett, along with Kimora Lee Simmons, have been recruited into the LRH fold. TMZ spotted W & J slicing steak at Cut last week with T & K, which only fed the rumors.
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Katie Holmes Survives the Swarm
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Scientolomom Katie Holmes hit up her usual lunch spot, Joan's on Third, with a few close thetan friends.
And by "friends" we mean the paparazzi and by "few" we mean like 30.
Tom to Becks: Mine's Bigger & Better
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When it comes to riding in style, TomKat rules over the Becks.
The Scientolocouple dined at Madeo with Vicky B last night -- and while the Cruises were completely hidden in a Presidential like SUV, Posh was in plain sight.
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Will Won't Wear Scientologarb
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Tom Cruise-azy, Scientolowife Katie Kate, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will all met up at Cut for dinner -- where Will actually wore a bedazzled t-shirt reading "Party Starter" on it. Everyone else wore regulation black.
Will & Jada looked genuinely excited about all the paparazzi outside though, and even gave up a kiss for the cameras (take our word for it.) TomKat, not so much.
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Did Pitt Throw a Hissy Fit?
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Tom Cruise was the first to get the new Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycle and Brad Pitt threw a tantrum, at least according to e-mails obtained by TMZ.
The e-mails, sent by a UPS exec to various freight terminals, instructed that all shipments of the bike be stopped immediately until Brad got his delivered. The first e-mail says the delay "has something to do with Brad Pitt not receiving his first." A second says, "Please be sure and DO NOT DELIVER THESE BIKES UNTIL NEXT TUESDAY. We wouldn't want to upset Brad Pitt."
A UPS source claims the shipping freeze ticked off Denzel Washington and Michael Jordan, both of whom allegedly complained. MJ's rep had no comment, while Denzel's didn't get back to us.
Reps for both Brad and Ducati say it's not true -- that Brad never ordered the bike and was never supposed to receive one. We contacted UPS, but rather than deny the story, the UPS exec repeated several times, "I do not want to comment on that."
Xenu Must Have Pull at the Station
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Suri's parents oiled their hinges and went shopping at Joan's on Third yesterday -- where at least seven cops joined their regular security to escort the Scientolostars an incredible fifteen feet to their blacked-out SUV.
Do not look directly into their eyes!
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Hottest Videos -- Week of 1/13
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Brit denied she bought a pregnancy test for herself -- telling TMZ it was for "my friend." Too bad, because another baby would be such a great idea right now.
Katie Holmes Makes Contact with Seacrest
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Sonar technicians at KIIS-FM in L.A. discovered an unusual audio communique on Friday from the humanoid bride of ScientoloTom, Katie Holmes. Listen as earthling Ryan Seacrest attempts to decipher the extra-terrestrial stress signal.
Party Like a Scientologist
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When it was time to take Tom Cruise's son Connor out for his earthly 13th birthday party this week, you'd think they'd take the boy to someplace fun, like Chuck E. Cheese. But where do they go instead? -- to Scientolodad's favorite Beverly Hills steakhouse, Cut.
Connor's a chip off the old Thetan! SPs be damned. Now call your mother!
Tom to Jerry -- Suri's Real and She's Spectacular
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Tom Cruise, with Suri in tow, went to Jerry Seinfeld's NYC garage and left with a serious case of P.T.S. -- Porsche Titillation Syndrome -- not that there's anything wrong with that.
They supposedly looked at Jerry's cars, but Seinfeld said recently he once dabbled in Scientology. Was this a recruiting mission? Did the Scientologuru cast a spell so intense that only sunglasses could thwart its power?
Cruise came out of their meeting muttering repeatedly about "nice cars." Sounds like code to us.