
Charmaine has star clients like Playboy dummy Colleen Shannon, and Helga from "American Gladiators." Now she's added her worst client yet. We call him Japanese Gummi Bear.

Somewhere in Benedict Canyon, the ghost of Cary Grant is muttering, "Kobe, Kobe, Kobe!" But since the (BS) artist formerly known as Number 8 was on our list just two weeks ago, we give you this starting five instead.
We were all witnesses this week to LeBron James learning some hard lessons at the hands of the future Mr. Eva Longoria. And King James' 0-4 flameout was echoed in the Zone by similarly cavalier behavior.
Meteorologically speaking, this weekend marks the official beginning of "June gloom" in Los Angeles, a period during which each day begins with a deep fog. But some celebs chose to get an early jump on the foggy phenomenon.
Anne Heche: She does girl-on-girl, she does guy-on-girl. Heck, she can even talk dirty in an alien language if that's your thing. But apparently, none of this was enough to satisfy 34-year-old hubby Coleman "Coley" Laffoon, who Anne claimed has spent a great deal of their marriage surfing the Internet for porn. It's all part of Hollywood's latest nasty divorce battle, with custody of five-year-old son Homer hanging in the balance. The title of Heche's 2001 autobiography is "Call Me Crazy," and that's just what Laffoon has been doing, criticizing her parenting skills in his court filings. Meanwhile, Heche's Christian mom once claimed to have cured her daughter's lesbianism through prayer -- so maybe she can dial up the Big Guy again to ensure Laffoon gets nowhere near the $45,000 a month he is asking from the "Men in Trees" wackadoodle.
George Lopez lost a bunch of money this week because of Geico, whose cavemen characters helped nudge him off the ABC-TV grid. At least Lopez made it to the promised land of syndication; others in the annual network TV upfront derby weren't so lucky.
Tom Sizemore: The actor was in Bakersfield, CA to film the low-budget "American Graffiti" knockoff "American Son," and he decided to take a detour on Tuesday for a lost episode of his VH1 reality TV series, "Shooting Sizemore." After film co-star and parolee Jason Salcido challenged a hotel desk clerk to a fight, Sizemore was caught allegedly in possession of two small bags of crystal meth and a smoking pipe, leading to an on-location booking scene at the downtown slammer.
News of a Toastee Toof sex tape this week caused about as much excitement as the notion of "Flavor of Love 3." So instead, we prefer to hit rewind on some of the folks who embarrassed themselves with their clothes on.
Luke Wilson: This "Frat Pack" member may need to turn in his Hollywood fraternity card and seek the less swanky digs of the "Flat Pack." It doesn't matter what the genre is; gooey romance ("Alex & Emma"), goofy romance ("My Super Ex-Girlfriend"), crime comedy ("Mini's First Time"), sci-fi ("Idiocracy"), family entertainment ("Hoot") or shock horror ("Vacancy"). In each case, Owen and Andrew's younger bro has been a box office no-show. Wilson is hoping that by cozying up to Jessica Simpson for his next release, the romantic comedy "Blonde Ambition," he can bring his tenure as the "Ashley" of the Wilson clan to an end. If that fails, he may want to follow in the footsteps of his fellow Occidental College alum, Ben Affleck -- and try his hand at directing.
Hugh Grant: Just a few months ago, the British actor was the subject of fawning profiles in magazines such as Vogue, all of which celebrated the "Music and Lyrics" star as a misunderstood genius. Turns out that may all be a load of baked beans. Listen up, mate: When you choose to still live on the same street as your leggy ex-girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley, chances are the paparazzi will regularly try to push you past the edge of reason. And if you're going to get into a rugby scrum with a photographer, like the fracas this past Tuesday, for God's sake choose your weapons more wisely. Groceries, no; those keys you had in your other hand, better. A Divine Brown bobble head -- perfect!
Senator John McCain: The Beltway's answer to Bob Hope needs to hire new joke writers, and fast. On the heels of his misguided cover version of the Beach Boys classic "Barbara Ann" (he sang it as "Bomb Iran"), the man who has made more appearances on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" than any other guest began his latest appearance this week with a bomb. Literally. By joking that he had considered bringing back an IED (Improvised Explosive Device) from his recent visit to Iraq and plant it under Stewart's desk, McCain foolishly trivialized the number one cause of U.S. casualties in the Iraq war. Put it this way: If Senator John Kerry had made the remark, right wing bloggers would be calling for his head -- again.
In a perfect Zone, the forthcoming sex tape from Season Two "American Idol" contestant Olivia Mojica would play out to the sounds of William Hung's "She Bangs," but for this sorry lot, a simple funeral march will suffice.
Here's an idea: why don't porn star Ron Jeremy and talk radio tub Tom Leykis sign each other's racks and call it a day? Until that Arbitron ratings book-buster, here's the lowdown on some other boobs ...
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