Don't Sweater the Small Stuff

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Maybe they should have kept these scratchy sweaters in the corner of the closet.

Winona Jewel Heist Mystery

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A hugely expensive bracelet on loan to Winona Ryder has gone missing in Spain, but it's Winona who feels like the victim.

Here's the lowdown. Winona was in Madrid Sunday for a Marie Claire event. Marie Claire had given Winona a Bulgari bracelet and a ring to wear, worth $125,000. She also got a dress, shoes and some other stuff to wear to the shindig.

After Winona left Madrid, the bracelet and ring turned up missing. There's a report in a French magazine saying Winona claimed she went to the front desk at the hotel and gave the jewelry to the front desk, but the surveillance cam doesn't show her doing that. The intimation -- Winona stole the bling.

In fact, we know what happened. The morning after the event, around 6:00 AM, Winona checked out of the hotel. No one from Marie Claire was around to collect the stuff, so she left everything in her hotel room.

Our sources confirm the bracelet and ring did indeed turn up missing -- the dress and other stuff weren't taken. We're told Winona never said she had taken the jewels to the front desk, and whoever planted the story may be covering up for someone who had access to the room after she left.

So far, Winona has not been contacted by the police.

ATL 'Housewife' Scores Diamond With Turkey

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Who cares if her last sugar daddy was "technically married?" Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" ain't ever gonna do better, at least in the bling department.

A Mismatch Made in Flea Market Heaven

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They say there's someone for everyone.

Unmarried lovers Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter trick-or-treated a few weeks late in Malibu over the weekend.

Not even successful Hollywood directors are safe from the evil fashion tyranny that are Crocs.

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Sneaker Freaks

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Forget having a baby! The new trend in Hollywood is to have your own custom sneakers. Michael Jordan would be so proud.

Jessica Biel: Hot Granny Mess

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Wearing Justin's '30s Dick Tracy fedora, Mary-Kate Olsen's '70s oversized owl shades, a sexy early 20th century Mennonite party/house dress, a '90s brown leather Gap belt and an '80s hair-band groupie's bag, Jessica Biel worked the timeless runway of Melrose Ave. on Wednesday.

It takes years and years and years to look as hot as Jessica!

Marc Jacobs Co. Pays $1 Million in Bribery Case

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The New York State Attorney General has nailed designer Marc Jacobs for allegedly bribing a State official so he could get a desirable venue for his fashion show.

A.G. Andrew Cuomo says Jacobs's company, Marc Jacobs International, has agreed to pay a $1 million fine.

According to docs, Jacobs wanted the 69th Regiment Armory, run by the State. The A.G. claims James Jackson, the former Superintendent of the 69th Regiment Armory, demanded bribes from Jacobs and others over an eight-year period to use the Armory.

Rivers Runs Through Michelle O's Wardrobe

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Joan Rivers tore into the First Lady-Elect's wardrobe yesterday, whining that Michelle O needs to start channeling Jackie O -- stat! Then again, what the hell does Joan Rivers know about fashion?!

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Beyonce -- Tread on Me

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Sporting the latest from the Fall 2256 Goodyear Radial Tire Collection and one Freddy Krueger glove, Beyonce Knowles-Carter took to the stage at an MTV award show in England yesterday, looking like a cyborg pop star in Thunderdome.

Sasha Fierce? If you say so.

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Oh. Yes. She. Did.

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The first thing newly elected President Barack Obama needs to change ... Michelle's dress.

Charlize Stops the Clock

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Charlize Theron and watch giant Raymond Weil have called time out in their $20 million lawsuit.

They've settled the suit in which Weil claims Theron signed an endorsement deal to wear his watches and no one elses. According to the case, Theron cheated on Weil when she was photographed wearing a Christian Dior watch.

Terms of the settlement were not disclosed.

Michael Keaton, Private Dick

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In 1989, Michael Keaton played Gotham's suave Bruce Wayne and alter-ego Batman -- but this weekend he popped up in Hollywood looking more like a Miami Beach P.I. on the trail of a philandering husband. Holy haggard, Batman!

The Self-Frumpification of a Hot Chick

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Whitney Port is interested in a career in fashion -- and her personal fashions certainly are interesting.

"The Hills" castoff pulled some cash out of a Beverly Hills ATM yesterday -- she should use it to pay her grandmother for the clothes she stole out of her wardrobe.

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Criss Angel -- Sleeve Me Alone!!!

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With a new $100 million dollar show underway in Vegas, you'd think Criss Angel could afford a shirt that closes ... or at least one with all its original parts. Like sleeves.

Fortunately, Criss managed to scrounge up enough cash for a full body wax.

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The Evolution of Fashion

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Any time Roberto Cavalli sports Speedos and a designer woman's hand bag at the beach, you can bet there will be imitators.

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Madge -- Lock, Stock and Two Smokin' Heels

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At her film premiere last night, Madonna brought out the big guns -- her .22 caliber Chanel shoes.

Wonder what Jewish mysticism has to say about killer pumps?