And You Think You Need It Bad?!
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Meet 105-year-old British virgin, Clara Meadmore.
Clara never married and says she was "too busy" for intimate relationships.
A gal after the Jonas Brothers' heart.
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Britney Flashes Her Toothy Smile
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Looking like a remnant of her 2007 self, Britney went for ice cream on Thursday. I luv me some chocolate sprinklers, y'all!
We can at least be thankful she's not traipsing barefoot through gas stations in Malibu.
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Duchovny Gets Hot and Bothered
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Carrying some sort of wireless device, a sexually rehabbed David Duchovny worked up a platonic sweat by going for a jog in NYC on Thursday.
Hopefully the 48-year-old played it safe and didn't partake in any risky behavior by texting while running.
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Bruce Willis -- Moonlighting as Old Man
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His daughters may not have any kids yet, but 53-year-old Bruce Willis has already morphed into a grandpa.
Since their divorce, it appears Bruce and Demi are aging at the same inversely proportional rate.
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"Allstate? It's Nick Nolte ... We Need to Talk."
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After a fire ravaged Nick Nolte's Malibu home yesterday to the tune of $3 million -- the sometimes actor drowned his sorrows the best way he knew how ... at Starbucks.
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Jamie Lynn NOT Pregnant
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Three-month-old Maddie Briann Aldridge is gonna have to wait to have a lil' baby brother or sister, because Jamie Lynn Spears is not pregnant, y'all!
While several reports are claiming Jamie Lynn is preggers again, an unimpeachable source tells TMZ Britney's baby sis does not have another bun in the oven.
Someone tell Lynne Spears and get her down from the ledge.
Grace Jones Is Strangé
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It's always Halloween in Grace Jonesland.
Wearing some sort of horned mask headscarf thing, the insanely fabulous 60-year-old (!) singer/actress/loon pulled up to the bumper of a London award show on Monday.
There is no point in trying to understand, just drink it all in.
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Nicollette Sheridan -- Malibu Barbie
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A new and improved 44-year-old Nicollette Sheridan.
Brought to you by Mattel.
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Cougar Spotted in Beverly Hills
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There is something a judge should remove from Sharon Stone's custody -- her ridiculously awful leopard print pants from Jungle Gap.
The 50-year-old mother of three roamed the wilds of the 90210 on Sunday.
Her cubs were nowhere in sight.
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Misty May Be Off "DWTS"
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Misty May-Treanor's mantle may only big enough for her gold medals, now that she may be forced out of "Dancing with the Stars" due to an injury during a Friday rehearsal.
Treanor was practicing with partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy, when she had to be taken to Cedars Sinai hospital.
ABC has released a statement regarding Misty's condition, "Dancing with the Stars contestant Misty May-Treanor sustained an injury on Friday and received immediate medical attention. Despite previous reports, she did not break her ankle. She is resting comfortably at home. Doctors will reevaluate her condition on Monday and determine the outcome of her participation on the show."
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Raquel Welch Good Genes or Good Docs?
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Hollywood sex symbol/actress Raquel Welch has forgotten all her lines ... on her face!
Here's 30-year-old Raquel back in 1970 (left) -- and the age-defying 68-year-old Latin beauty at a Beverly Hills event recently (right).
Nurse!
More Good Genes or Good Docs:
Kramer Resurfaces
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Michael Richards had lunch with a white friend yesterday at the trendy Fred Segal boutique in Santa Monica.
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Your Prescription Is Ready, Ms. Locklear
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An unimpaired Heather Locklear roamed the aisles of a drugstore Thursday.
The 47-year-old picked up birthday cards. No 911 calls were reported.
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Madonna: The Definition of Beauty
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The only thing more painfully sculpted than Madonna's arms are her cheeks.
The facially gaunt 50-year-old attended Kabbalah services in NYC on Wednesday.
Despite all her spirituality, Madge is so vein.
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"Dead" Guy Grateful to be Breathing Easy
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The dude who plays guitar for the Grateful Dead -- Bob Weir -- broke his ribs riding on a tour bus. The good news -- he will get by!
We're told Weir was truckin' along in a tour bus when it had to stop short. Bob was standing and fell when the driver slammed on the brakes.
A rep tells us it hurt for Bob "to breathe, hold the guitar, and laugh."
Weir was able to finish the tour with his band, Bob Weir and the Ratdogs, but had to cancel a recent fundraiser because battling broken ribs and a cold was just too much to handle.
At least now he's got an excuse to find some medicinal alternatives...
Shia in Stitches on "Transformers" Set
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The name is Shia LaBeouf. Official translation: Accident prone.
Sources tell TMZ Shia was injured by a prop on the set of "Transformers" -- we're told he got a cut below his eyebrow that required stitches.
After getting sewn up, he went right back to work. Injured hand, injured eyebrow -- no problemo.
We contacted Shia's rep, who said "No comment."