Britney Spears' first day as an 'X Factor' judge is NOT a total disaster ... in fact, the pop star has been articulate, encouraging and even funny at times.

Audio has emerged from the first round of auditions in Austin, TX ... where Britney has been dishing out criticism from the judge's table with Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid and Demi Lovato.

It didn't take long for Britney to clash with Demi ... they disagreed with each other on the very first contestant -- one person LOVED it ... the other, not so much.


The crowd is super-pumped -- are you?

Anderson Cooper hates Barbie Mom ... HATES HER ... and made sure she knew it this week when he kicked her plastic ass off his talk show.

Cooper was trying his best to understand why the hell Sarah Burge -- aka the Human Barbie -- would want to Botox her 15-year-old daughter to get her to sweat less during beauty pageants.

When Burge started blathering on with some stupid explanation, Coop cut her off ... saying, "I gotta be honest, I gotta just stop. I'm sorry. I try to be really polite to all my guests, but I just think you're dreadful."

He added, "I honestly don't want to talk to you anymore."

Anderson later released a video statement saying, "I regret having her on in the first place and I regret that that's how things ended.

The Dr. Oz trouser-tent mystery has come to an end ... with the good doc finally admitting why he was sporting some "moose knuckle" in a recent photo shoot.

Oz appeared on "Watch What Happens LIVE" with Andy Cohen last night ... when Andy gave it to him straight -- "Everybody's talking about your bulge."

The bulge in question appeared in the April edition of Good Housekeeping ... while Oz was posing with a bowl of pasta.


"It was very exciting for me to do that," Oz admitted ... saying even his wife was left with a few questions.

And that's what closure feels like.

ABC is firing back at CBS -- claiming its new realty show "Glass House" is NOT stealing trade secrets from "Big Brother" ... because NOTHING about Big Brother is a secret.

The Alphabet network has filed a response in its legal battle with CBS -- asking a judge to throw out the "over-the-top" lawsuit ASAP.

In the docs, ABC says the insinuation that "Glass House" is stealing top secret info is "outrageous" ... because "there is nothing secret about editing a program with multiple feeds together or developing a narrative structure for it. That is reality TV."

ABC also says hidden cameras, putting contestants in isolation and doing contests is nothing special ... and shouldn't be considered a trade secret. 

In the suit, ABC claims there are significant differences between the two shows -- notably "Glass House" will be a team-oriented game ... whereas "Big Brother" contains an "every man for himself theme."

ABC scoffs at CBS' claim that 19 former "Big Brother" employees -- all of whom know the secret sauce -- defected to "Glass House." The network claims the reason so many BB employees left is because "Brother" producers run a reality TV sweat shop -- claiming "it is common knowledge in the industry that low pay and the 24 hours a day/7 days a week filming schedule makes life on the Big Brother set difficult."

The suit adds, "That employees prefer a different show with benefits and better hours is hardly evidence of a trade secret violation."

ABC is asking the court to deny every demand CBS has made -- so it can produce its show in a timely and cost-effective manner.

A judge has yet to rule on the matter.

Dog "The Bounty Hunter" Chapman will have more time on his hands to catch criminals, because his show on A&E is being canceled ... TMZ has learned.

Multiple sources connected with the show tell us ... Dog's people and A&E have been negotiating, but the network has now decided to pull the plug and not do season 9.

One source connected with Dog tells us the cancellation is based on "creative differences."  But here's the reality ... saying "creative differences" is like breaking up with a girl and saying, "It's not you, it's me."

Arsenio Hall's long-awaited talk-show comeback is finally picking up steam ... TMZ has learned 3 networks are "very interested" in signing the comic to a TV deal.

Hall -- who was crowned champion on "Celebrity Apprentice" last night -- has been gunning to get back behind a desk ever since "The Arsenio Hall Show" went off the air back in 1994.

Now, with his newfound Trump-powered momentum ... sources tell us NBC and two other broadcast groups are all making a play for Arsenio ... though it's unclear if Hall would fit in daytime or late-night.

Hall is a late-night legend ... who, along with "The Simpsons," helped build FOX into a juggernaut when they premiered in 1989.

Fist pumps and whoops all around.

The new season of "Workaholics" is already facing hard times ... and it hasn't even aired yet.

The good people over at Comedy Central just put the above billboard up on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood -- and if it wasn't glaringly obvious ... it features a trio of six-foot boners pressing against some kind of elastic fabric (spandex?).

For those who haven't watched yet, "Workaholics" is about three recent college grads desperately trying to adjust to adulthood.

But by the looks of the billboard -- they'll be fully grown in Season 3.

Back in 2010, HBO's "Hung" released a similarly phallic billboard -- and we daresay, it was even funnier than the Comedy Central version.

Three of the babes on the guilty pleasure TV show "Revenge" -- Ashley Madekwe, Emily VanCamp and Christa B. Allen -- put away their claws and made nice at an event in West Hollywood this week.

Question is ...

Whitney Houston's daughter Bobbi Kristina -- and several of her relatives -- have signed a deal to star in a reality show for Lifetime called "The Houston Family Chronicles."

The show will focus on Pat Houston, Whitney’s sister-in-law and manager, Pat’s daughter Rayah, Whitney’s brother Gary, and Whitney's mother Cissy. 

Lifetime's EVP, Rob Sharenow says, "In this series, the multi-generations of the Houston family will bravely reveal their lives as they bond together to heal, love, and grow."

So we gotta ask ...

CBS wasn't bluffing ... 'cause the network has made good on its threat to sue ABC over an upcoming reality show which CBS claims is a blatant rip off of "Big Brother" ... and it's NASTY.

As we previously reported, CBS fired off a cease-and-desist letter to ABC last week ... claiming "Glass House" is "strikingly" similar to "Big Brother" -- a bunch of people living in a house and competing for prizes.

Now, in a lawsuit filed in federal court in L.A., CBS states, "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then CBS should take pride in ABC's latest reality television project, 'Life in a Glass House.'"

In the suit, CBS refers to "Glass House" as a "carbon copy" of "Big Brother" -- and calls ABC's decision to green light the show an "obvious attempt ... to capitalize on its unique success."

CBS claims its trying to stop ABC from committing a blatant theft of its copyrightable expression, trade secrets and other confidential information.

CBS also claims ABC has hired at least 19 former "BB" staffers to work on "Glass House" -- and believes the employees are actively disclosing CBS's trade secrets and confidential information to produce the show. CBS also believes at least one "Glass House" exec has been trying to poach current "BB" employees.

CBS wants at least 3 former high level "Big Brother" employees who signed with "Glass House" to fork over $500,000 EACH for allegedly violating a confidentiality agreement they had with CBS.

CBS is also suing ABC for unspecified damages.

Stay tuned.

Before Jimmy Fallon's big interview with Barack Obama last month, the talk show host reached out to several people for advice ... including the King of All Media himself ... Howard Stern.

Stern appeared on Fallon's late night show last night ... and admitted he almost ignored Fallon's plea ... because he's "somewhat evil" and couldn't figure out what was in it for him.

But the "America's Got Talent" judge ultimately decided to help ... and says he encouraged Fallon to ask Obama about the following subjects:

-- How big is your penis, Mr. President?
-- How often do you have sex with Michelle?

Unfortunately, Fallon didn't take Stern's advice.

But Jimmy DID manage to piss off Howard when he revealed who else he called on his quest for interview advice ... including Jay Leno.

Stern shot back ... "I never would have answered your email if I knew you called Jay."

He wasn't kidding.