Nurse!

The pap calamity around Cuthbert's exit quickly shifted when an old timer ate it -- and smacked his head on the valet sign. It was a nasty sight, but paramedics came and gave him the A-OK.

While lounging in Miami this weekend, Stephen laid a hand on Mel's ass and caused a ripple effect. That'll spice up your life!

Last year, Melanie went on the record saying Belafonte wasn't an "aggressive, violent, woman batterer."

Donda West's death after plastic surgery is spurring lawmakers to make big changes -- or at least try -- to protect people who are going under the knife, including one bill named' after Kanye's mama.

Yolanda Anderson, niece of Donda and cousin of Kanye, along with Calif. Assemblywoman Wilmer Amina Carter, introduced a bill into the Cali legislature that would require patients to receive a physical exam before plastic surgery. Anderson tells the L.A. Times that Dr. Jan Adams didn't give her aunt a physical exam, though a rep for Adams insists he "thoroughly questioned" West before the procedure.

Other bills inspired by Donda's death are currently in state legislatures in Florida and Canada, amongst others.

A Singapore woman laid out $22K to get close to "Sex" but was left with anything but.

Ella Sherman tells the New York Post that she came all the way from Asia to attend tonight's big Manhattan premiere at a cost of thousands – but got duped by a fledgling travel firm. For all that coin, Ella was supposed to get five nights' hotel, shopping sprees, and a ticket to the after-party.

And now she's been left begging ... for a ticket to the premiere.

Now, another story about Fergie and asses.

But this one's about the O.G. Fergie –- the ex-Duchess of York, that is – and her daughter, Princess Beatrice. Not unlike TMZ's Love Hewitt-gate, a couple of Brit journos are taking heat from Sarah Ferguson for picking on Bea's butt, which was spotted hanging out of a bikini in the Caribbean. "Touch me, fine, but don't touch my children," said Fergs.

The ex-royal knows from being teased about her weight: She was called "The Duchess of Pork" back in the day.

Looking like Janice Dickinson after her weekly touch-up, light-welterweight boxing champ Ricky Hatton -- and his busted face -- celebrated his win over Juan Lazcano on Saturday in Manchester, England.

He's so bloody hot.

Clint's 42-year-old wife Dina proves smokin' hot women don't just marry mismatched out of shape men on sitcoms!

Several former associates of Suge Knight have met mysterious and untimely deaths.

Oh yeah, did we mention the men in question are Larry David and Woody Allen? At least Woody has experience with younger women.

Only one of them was a transgendered man ... in "Boys Don't Cry."

We're just sayin'!

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler, 60, has checked himself into Las Encinas Hospital drug rehabilitation clinic -- the place Dr. Drew practices -- in Pasadena, Calif.

It's the same facility where the reality show "Celebrity Rehab" was filmed. Tyler is getting treatment for substance abuse.

Tyler's reps had no comment.

The Edward Scissorhands-esque plants took 18 painstaking months to grow, only to have Ringo's head chopped off last week. The rest of Ringo's decapitated leafy body was brought into a nursery for repair and growth.

Somewhere in England Heather Mills is buying a pair of shears.

Florence Henderson, 74, and Judge Judy Sheindlin, 65, locked lips at a Beverly Hills charity event last night.

She has done -- and redone -- her best to turn back time.