"The Hills" Is, Like, Totally Whitewashed
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There's a reason why BET had to come up with their own version of "The Hills" called "Baldwin Hills" -- not a single one of the main "characters" of LC's show is black.
We asked her how it's possible she has no black friends -- No LC, it wasn't a trick question.
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Speidi -- Our Marriage is Real ... and Secret!
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Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt want us to believe they really are married – but no one is ever going to see their marriage license. Because that's just how discreet they are.
The legality of the Speidi nuptials are being questioned because a judge that supposedly married them at L.A. Superior Court doesn't actually sit on the bench there and civil marriages aren't done in courtrooms anyway. Spence tells Us they "checked the confidentiality box" so no proof of marriage license.
Hilarious: MTV says they did capture Speidi on camera with the person who does all civil unions, but they did it after hours to avoid inconveniencing other couples.
Audrina Showers with Other Women on Her Mind
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She was trying to be clean, but our mind was filled with dirty thoughts when Audrina told us what she likes to do in the shower.
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Santa: Save Your Breath, Speidi
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Audrina's Body of Work ... Her Body!!!
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When Audrina Patridge tried on a two-piece at a Hollywood bikini store yesterday, even a seated Lauren Conrad stared in amazement at her unbelievable hotness.
Thank God pictures don't have sound!
BULLETIN: Someone Believes Speidi Wedding!
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Audrina doesn't think the unholy union of Heidi & Spencer is a fake -- and if there's something Audrina knows, it's how to spot a phony pair.
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Speidi: The Kids "Are on Their Way"
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Garner, Port -- Nailed at the Same Time
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Quentin Tarantino -- this one's for you.
Jen and Whitney got pedicures at the same salon yesterday, and foot fetishists everywhere are forever in our debt.
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Audrina's School Boy Fantasy
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Kids these days, they grow up so fast -- one minute they're wetting the bed and crying for mama, the next they're screaming "I want to f**k you" to reality stars from their school bus.
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Asses and Butt Cheeks -- The Speidi Honeymoon
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Every cheesy, phoney, douchey and dare we say -- quasi-erotic -- moment during the Heidi and Spencer "honeymoon" in Mexico was captured on film (shocking, we know).
Over 100 shots that will make you vomit in your mouth -- but resistance is futile.
What a Giant Pair of ...
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Heidi and Spencer, while on their Mexican honeymoon.
Nothing Says Forever ...
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... like a pair of wedding rings that look like they were bought at a Hot Topic in the mall.
Best of luck to you, Heidi and Spencer.
Speidi to Procreate?!
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Just what the world needs... little annoying, blonde, jobless kiddies running around.
Right after the vomit-inducing twosome returned home from their elope-a-dope in Cabo San Lucas, they confirmed the rumor -- they're going to start a family.
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Speidi's Elope-a-Dope -- For the Love of Money
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Not even marriage is sacred to self-proclaimed Jesus freak Heidi Montag -- because it looks like her "marriage" to Spencer Pratt was just an elaborate ploy to cash in.
After MonPrat "eloped" in Cabo San Lucas last week, they sold their story and photos. And the joke may be on the publications, because the "marriage" was as fake as Heidi's breasts.
Heidi's Dad Didn't Know She's a Pratt
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Yeah, right.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the most perniciously insincere pair of people in the Western hemisphere, didn't even tell Heidi's dad they were eloping -- so says Heidi's dad to People. A) Isn't that the definition of elopement? And B) Guess what Daddy Montag had to say about what's next?
"Then we just have to have another wedding here!"
Police Serve Spencer Over Bad Plates
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For the 99.99% of you that hate Spencer Pratt -- a small victory awaits you.
The P-hole was pulled over in West Hollywood last week and ticketed for not having front or back license plates on his car.
Unfortunately, it's a fixable ticket -- all Spence has to do is get the tags and show the right people -- but he will be charged ten bucks for the screw-up.
It may not be much, but we'll take what we can get.