Hot Bodies

Comedian Lisa Lampanelli is hysterical ... but there ain't nothing funny about how great she looks since her dramatic weight loss.

After recently undergoing gastric sleeve surgery to remove 85% of her stomach, the 51-year-old ball buster showed off her new curves in NYC on Tuesday (left) -- and looks remarkably different from even just five months ago (right).

Lisa is no joke.

Brazilian bombshell Alessandra Ambrosio proved she's back in supermodel shape by showing of her flat stomach in L.A. on Monday ... four months after giving birth to her second child on May 7th.

The 31-year-old Victoria's Secret Angel has a lot in common with 32-year-old new mom Jessica Simpson ... as Alessandra had her baby just six days after Jess, who gave birth on May 1st.

Call him Ass Ventura.

Jim Carrey hit the beach in Malibu this weekend with a brand new thongtastic bikini chick ... just a short time after reportedly breaking things off with his last GF -- 23-year-old Anastasia Vitkina.

50-year-old Carrey is a LEGEND on the Hollywood dating scene ... cycling through stunners like Jenny McCarthy, January Jones, Renee Zellweger and Lauren Holly.

The 27-year-old mother of one is very, very good for the environment.

Moments before Miley Cyrus' alleged woman-punches-man altercation ... something way more traumatic happened -- a seriously close encounter with an 82-year-old stripper!

The T&A nightmare went down Saturday night at the Beacher's Madhouse theater in Hollywood, where Miley was standing front row when the octogenarian ass-shaker hit the stage ... gently, of course.

The well-preserved dancer -- billed as the world's oldest female stripper -- worked the crowd, including Miley, into a frenzy.

As TMZ first reported, Miley was named a suspect in a criminal battery after an alleged scrap that night ... between Miley, her fiance Liam Hemsworth and another guy in the theater.

Miley denies hitting anyone, and several witnesses say the same.

Leonardo DiCaprio's latest supermodel girlfriend Erin Heatherton showed off her sexy curves in a glorious bikini in Miami this weekend.

The ridiculously hot 23-year-old Victoria's Secret Angel even attempted to cool things off by taking a dip in the pool.

Jessica Simpson says she's lost more than 40 POUNDS since giving birth to her baby 4 months ago.

Jessica revealed the weight loss number on Katie Couric's talk show today, claiming her weight loss surpassed the 40-pound mark ... but she wouldn't give an exact amount, saying, "It's not about the numbers."

Jessica also unveiled her new Weight Watchers commercial, shot two weeks ago. It's pretty funny because the commercial only focuses on Jessica's face. There is NO full body shot, which means WW probably wasn't too pleased with Jessica's weight loss numbers.

Jessica said, "I didn't want the big body reveal moment ... It wasn't me."

Sure.

Jessica Simpson ditched the frumpy clothing and lowered the giant handbag and let the world have a look at her new body as she went to lunch today with hubby Eric Johnson in New York City.

In her recent public outings, Jess has hid her bod under multiple layers of clothing and held her mammoth bag up close ... so no one could get a clean look before her big reveal today on Katie Couric's new show.

Looks like another Weight Watchers success story.

Tom Arnold says tattooing Roseanne's face on his chest back in the day was the stupidest thing he's ever done -- this from a guy who once did a film called "Homo Erectus."

Arnold tells TMZ ... he got the tat back in 1994 in a last ditch effort to save his marriage ... but obviously his plan failed, big time.

In fact, Tom says he had to suffer through a year-and-a-half of painful lasers to get rid of the ink knowing ... "I'd never have sex with anyone until I got that removed."

But Tom's affair with STUPID tattoos didn't end with Roseanne -- the actor says he got Chinese characters on his leg years ago, because he thought it meant "love of mankind."

Turns out ... he was wrong ... at least according to Tom's "Cradle 2 the Grave" co-star Jet Li ... who translated the tat ... and said it means something totally different and way more hilarious.

Check out the video -- pretty funny stuff.

Jessica Simpson isn't ready to fully show off her new and possibly slimmer body ... going out in only non-revealing clothing and clutching a big bag close to her body.

TMZ posted pics of Jess earlier this week ... wearing multiple layers of clothing and holding a giant brown bag. Just this morning at LAX, Jess jetted out of town sporting a similar look, this time with a giant black bag.

Of course, Jess is no fool -- she's scheduled to appear on Katie Couric's new show this week to debut her slender, post-baby body ... so she's in no hurry to ruin that moment.

Clever girl.

Steven Tyler got an X-rated peep show at a clothing optional beach in Maui this weekend ... but the former "American Idol" judge kept it strictly PG by leaving his fancy women's palazzo pants on amongst a sea of bare-ass sunbathers.

The 64-year-old Aerosmith front man is so enamored with the silky slacks that he was spotted still wearing them the very next day.

Jessica Simpson proved getting back to her pre-baby weight is a losing battle ... by showing off her slimmer figure after another workout in L.A. on Tuesday.

Jess has griped about how tough it's been to shed the poundage ... claiming her boobs are so tremendously huge, she can't go jogging.

Still, it's obvious the 32-year-old mom has made some progress in the four months since she gave birth to daughter Maxwell.

Jessica Simpson has two huge obstacles to overcome on her quest for her old bod ... her giant boobs ... 'cause Jessica says they've gotten so big, she can't go running.

Simpson is finally discussing her tremendous weight gain to People.com, claiming she packed on the pounds during her pregnancy because "It was the first time I was ever pregnant, and I wanted to enjoy it."

Jess says she loaded up on mac and cheese and other crap that's delicious but terrible for you ... because "I didn't realize [the weight] didn't all come off with the baby."

Of course she didn't.

Now, Simpson is working out with a fancy Hollywood trainer ... but refuses to go running because she doesn't want to end up with two self-induced black eyes ...saying, "My boobs are way too big to run at this point."

Despite all the fatness, Simpson is committed to revealing her new, skinnier, Weight-Watchers assisted body on September 10 ... on Katie Couric's new show. Can't wait.

Unlike the bloodless vampire she plays on screen, 24-year-old "Twilight" star Nikki Reed showed off her sexy tan in Hawaii this weekend ... wearing a smoking hot bikini while on a stroll with her husband.

(Fun fact: Nikki's husband is former "American Idol" contestant Paul McDonald, who placed 8th on Season 10.)

After shedding his baby weight in the last few years, former "Drake and Josh" star Josh Peck showed off his worked out svelte physique on the beach in Hawaii this weekend.

The 25-year-old former child star has grown up into quite the handsome man.

Josh is definitely enjoying his moment in the sun.