Pam Anderson's Pooch Has Bone to Pick

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Pam Anderson's pooch can probably play fetch and roll over, but her kids are also trying to teach it a trick -- sic the paps!

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Wood You Hit It?

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At 60 years old, Rolling Stone guitarist Ronnie Wood doesn't look a day older ... than Keith Richards.

Ronnie went for one of his walks in London on Wednesday.

Rock and roll will never die.

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Oprah's Dead Bitches!

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Proving everything she touches turns to gold, Oprah Winfrey's dead dogs have been turned into a masterpiece.

A life-size monument by controversial sculptor Daniel Edwards depicts conjoined-at-the-hip 'puppy versions' of Oprah's late Cocker Spaniel Sophie and Golden Retriever Gracie atop of the unwed 54-year-old's head. So wrong.

John Mayer Is Jen Aniston's Bitch

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Looks like John Mayer is getting relationship advice from Tom Brady.

After spending the weekend with Jennifer Aniston, John arrived at a private airport in Miami with her dog. Good boy.

Hey, when your nongirlfriend makes more money than you -- you really are in the doghouse.

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Paris' Doggie Do, Er, Don't

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America's sweetest waste of space clung to her chubby boyfriend while exiting Villa the other night, showing off her lush new Golden Retriever weave. Arf!

She better get a flea dip for that thing - summer's coming up. We're just sayin'...

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Ryan Cabrera Total Chicken S**t

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Pop singer-turned-edgy rocker Ryan Cabrera, better known as that guy that used to date Ashlee Simpson, is set to debut his white meat at the Chickenfest in Darboy, Wisc. Is Joe Simpson behind this?

No, the Chickenfest is not code for anything, it's really a festival celebrating the chicken. Cabrera is the highlight of the poultry party that also includes chicken wing eating contests and hourly "chicken dance" competitions.

Coachella what?

Heidi Montag: Kentucky Dingbat

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Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag took their D-list brand of horses**t to the Kentucky Derby on Saturday -- and in a truly candid moment, Heidi looked through the wrong end of the binoculars. You can't make this stuff up!

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Kim K. Goes Wild Down Under

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Taking a break from whatever it is she does, Kim Kardashian -- and her gorgeous sister Khloe -- played with some animals of the non-Hollywood club-going kind on Wednesday at an Australian zoo.

No word if anyone petted Kim's favorite pet -- her wild ass.

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Ling Ling Dead Dead

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Tokyo's most famous zoo critter, Ling Ling, has taken the panda express to that great bamboo plant in the sky.

Officials say Japan's only giant panda died of old age in his cage yesterday. At 22, Ling Ling was the equivalent of a 70-year-old human.

Dude Looks Like a ... Hot Tranny Mess

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No, that's not Steven Cojocaru, Carly Simon or Alexis Arquette. It's 60-year-old Aerosmith front thing Steven Tyler.

Steven terrorized photogs and shoppers by flashing his breast outside Fred Segal in Los Angeles on Wednesday.

There's a lot more than a wardrobe malfunctioning here.

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Portman to Pup: Pee for Vendetta

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Natalie Portman found the weather forecast in NYC to be partly cloudy with a chance of golden showers!

While walking through a Manhattan park on Sunday, the gorgeous 26-year-old stopped to pet a cute dog -- who quickly made her a public toilet. Natalie Port-a-potty.

Natalie's reaction is a pissa!

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Ving Says His Caretaker Didn't Go To the Dogs

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According to Ving Rhames, it was sickle cell anemia that killed his caretaker back in August -- so stop blaming his oversized pups!

The gnaw-happy pooches in question, three Mastiffs and an English Bulldog, are now back at home with Ving.

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Martha's Dead Dog: It's a Good Thing?

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Martha Stewart can make a beautiful occasion out of any dinner party, wedding, even a stock trade gone bad -- but the carcass of your dead dog?!

The ex-con media mogul's nearly 13-year-old dog, Paw Paw, died of renal failure on Saturday and she's posted a creepy pic on her blog of the expired pup -- entombed in a sheet with an adorable little bow wrapped around him. Death is pretty!

Just imagine what Martha could do with your Aunt Sally's cremated remains?!

Jackie Chan Rolls With Some Tough Bitches

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TMZ got too close to Jackie's pooch pal, and she was not having it.

Down girl!

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Brandon Davis, Pignapped?!

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Unlike the Lindbergh baby, Patty Hearst or Katie Holmes' soul, would anyone really be upset if pathetic homophobic racist oil heir Brandon Davis was pignapped?!

If only we could find out.

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